不许去酒吧

鸭绒25（译）

2022年6月19日

一对新婚夫妇结婚只有两周时间。虽然，丈夫非常爱他的妻子，但还是迫不及待地想去城里和他的那帮难兄难弟聚会。

于是，他对他的新婚妻子说：“亲爱的，我马上就会回来。”

“你要去哪里，小帅哥？”妻子问道。

“我要去酒吧，小美人。我想去喝杯啤酒。”

妻子说：“你是想喝杯啤酒，亲爱的？”

她打开冰箱的门，向他展示了产自12个不同国家的，25种不同品牌的啤酒。

丈夫一时语塞。他唯一能说出口的就是：“不错，小糖果……但是在酒吧……你知道的……他们的玻璃杯是冰镇过的……”

没等他说完，妻子便打断了他：“你想要的是一个冰镇过的啤酒杯，小狗脸？”

她从冷冻柜里拿出一个巨大的啤酒杯，冻得她双手都拿不住杯子。

丈夫脸色有点苍白，说道：“是的，小宝贝。但是在酒吧，他们提供非常美味的下酒菜……我不会太久的。很快就会回来。我保证。好吗？”

“你想要下酒菜吗，小狗屎？”

她打开烤箱，拿出5道不同的开胃小菜：炸鸡翅、猪肉卷、镶蘑菇、腊肉条……

“但是，我的甜心……在酒吧……你懂的……可以说脏话、粗话，不受拘束的……”

“你是想说脏话，白痴？你就在家里用你那该死的冰镇杯子，喝你那操蛋的啤酒，吃你那反胃的下酒菜。因为，你现在已经结婚了。你他妈的哪儿也不许去！明白了吗，混蛋？”

原文： New husband wants to go to the bar

A newly married couple had only been married for two weeks。The husband，although very much in love，couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies。

So，he said to his new wife：“Honey，I'll be right back。”

“Where are you going，coochy cooh？”asked the wife。

“I'm going to the bar，pretty face。I' m going to have a beer。”

The wife said：“You want a beer，my love？”

She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries。

The husband didn't know what to do，and the only thing that he could think of saying was：“Yes，lolly pop……but at the bar……you know……they have frozen glasses……”

He didn't get to finish the sentence，before his wife interrupted him by saying：“You want a frozen glass，puppy face？”

She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer，so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it。

The husband，looking a bit pale，said：“Yes，tootsie roll，but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious……I won't be long，I'll be right back。I promise。OK？”

“You want hors d'oeuvres，poochie poo？”She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres：chicken wings，pigs in blankets，mushroom caps，pork strips……

“But my sweet honey……At the bar……You know……there's swearing，dirty words and all that……”

“You want dirty words，Dickhead？Drink your fucking beer in your goddamn frozen mug and eat your motherfucking snacks，because you are married now，and you aren't fucking going anywhere！Got it，Asshole？”