上周，心一连着掉了两颗牙。我们以为心一10岁，不再相信什么牙仙子了，没有在她的枕头下塞硬币。心一很是忿忿，写了一封投诉信，投诉牙仙子失职。还读了一遍，希望能传到牙仙子的耳朵里。

我知道心一对圣诞老人、牙仙子已是半信半疑，但宁愿选择相信，也就懒得去揭穿了。

心一的这封信，写得很不客气，语气强硬，但走题了，居然让牙仙子做一份调查问卷（心一很喜欢出调查问卷），以确定是哪位是渎职的牙仙子。

这就是心一的写作风格，洋洋洒洒，酣畅淋漓，但离题万里。

 

Complaint about 2 teeth not being paid

TO: The negligent tooth fairy

FROM: Irritated girl

Dear Negligent old tooth fairy,

Please fill in this form to make me see who you are and why you are so terribly negligent. I have a complaint to make. No, wait, TWO great big fat complaints.

 NUMBER UNO （这里，心一用的是西班牙语的“一”）You didn't leave a cent for me when my Molar （心一对这些牙科词汇很熟，臼齿）fell off at 20th June 2018.

NUMBER  DOS (西班牙语的“二”）You didn't leave a cent for me when my Upper Canine （上犬牙）fell off at June 26th 2018. 

You are a terrible fairy whoo (whoo,心一用的这些语气词和时髦词，我都不太了解。在俚语的使用上，心一已经远超于我）. I hereby declare that you are banished from my house，Or flat, actually.

You didn't do your job two times in a row to a girl in a week.

That means you are irresponsible, negligent and untrustworthy.

fill in this fairy form and send it to me. I’m sure you know my address, but since you are such a bad fairy you might not even know it.

Here’s the fairy form.

ARE YOU A FAIRY OR A ROBOT?

1.I’m fairy, thank you.

2.ROBOT

What is your name?

1.Genova

2.Celia

3.Jenna

4.Ali

How old are you?

1.8

2.7

3.10000

How smart are you?

1.IQ= 18888

2.IQ=1000

3.IQ= 100

4.What is IQ?

Where do you live?

1.Tooth land

2.Fairy land

3.On the streets

Which agency do you work for?

1.FairyTeeth

2.Toothy pick
3.Fair teeth y

Are you even a fairy?

1.Yes

2.No

3.DUNNO

Thank you for taking my quiz. I hope you pay me £789. 

To the insurance company:（心一不知道保险公司是干什么。没收到牙仙子的硬币，居然要怪罪保险公司。）

You are raising a terrible fairy, Get rid of her ASAP.

Or, you can stop being such a creep and pay all the children you cheated on.

Or just close the company. I’m doing you a big favour, I might even be saving the world!

Hip hip hooray!

Though if you know what 

I know you’ll know that

hip hip hooray is actually

a cheer for hips.

（这几句离题万里，但心一不肯删）

Sincerely with strictly no kisses

Sunny

P.S. Whoever has been tortured by this terror has to join my campaign, Hashtag（心一在电脑里打不出这个井号键）EveryOneHasToothMoney.

P.P.S. Whoever knows the fairy and has this letter, please give this to the tooth fairy. 

Thank you!