此篇博文为上一篇博文“诊断‘语法不好’的孩子”的续文，重点从孩子的作文分析“语法”问题。

我们家长总是很纠结语法，动不动就把问题归结到语法上。但是在我看来，特别是教了有氧读写课程以后，我更加相信了首先不是什么问题都是语法问题，或者说不是通过学习语法就能够解决这些问题，更重要的是如果仅是语法问题反而好办，多背多做题就可以了。难办的其实是超越语法问题的问题。

下面是孩子的作文，非斜体部分是试卷的提示句。

Dear Tom,

  How are you? I’ve just come back from Dalian, a beautiful city in China. I went there by train. I had a lot of wonderful experiens【这个词拼写错了】!

  First, we found a hotel. Then we went to a pub【这个词也会用，很好】 to have dinner. We had lots of seafood. 【这里应该是逗号，但such as句型用得好】such as crab, fish. They were delicious 【这个词用得好】. Second, we went to the beach. Sun-shine was very warm and kind 【这句有些中式英语的味道】. We fished many strange fish. My brother fed 【feed的过去时也能够做对，很好！】them. The next day, we climbed the mountain. It was very beautiful and high! My parents took lots of photos【took photos搭配用得好】 for me. At last【这个词组用错了，应该说In the end】, we went back.

   We were very tired, but this journey was wonderful! We were so excited and happy!【好有总结句】【过去时都用对了，太棒了！】【全篇使用了first, second, the next day, at last这些表示顺序的链接词，可以看出孩子有篇章意识】

这篇作文以我们课内英语的标准来说可以算是范文了。意思清楚，时态、连接词、主题句、总结句，该有的都有了。但是，就是读起来觉得很硬，像是机器人的中翻英作品。有哪些可以改进的地方呢？首先是内容，没有突出点，就是简单地罗列事实，从找旅馆到最终回家，看不出这趟旅行怎么就那么好，大连怎么就那么美，经历怎么就那么wonderful。其次，人称的一致性，第一段用I，第二段用We，后面还出现了my brother. 还有就是句型的单一化，几乎都是主谓宾这样的简单句。

我突发奇想，回家也给儿子出了同样一个作文题，下面是儿子写的。

Dear Tom,

How are you? I’ve just come back from Dalian, a beautiful city in China. I thought this trip would be boring, but the dolphins changed my mind. I went onto a ferry between the city and an island. I stood at the back of the ship, feeling the sea wind. Then I saw two or three dolphins following the ferry. They just swam in the pure white waves and smiled to me. They looked so impressive and so cool so I decided to stay two more days in Dalian to take photos of dolphins.

If I were you, Tom, I would go to Dalian next summer.

PS: I’ve also sent you some photos of dolphins.

Best wishes,

Heanspiwe Sibaner

        虽然儿子是带着些顽皮完成了这一命题作文，但一读，首先觉得他没有程式化（也许是因为他还没有上初二，老师还没有来得及教他呢），富有想象力，突出写了遇到海豚的经历；其次，句式多样，而且多是复杂句；还有，时态没有错，还来点虚拟语态（我要承认，这是我授意的，因为现在他在备考FCE，我要求他的作文中一定要有虚拟语态）；最有意思的是最后还加了PS，说寄去了海豚的照片，感觉真是在写信，而不是在答题。

       我觉得这个例子很好地佐证了有氧读写课程的宗旨，篇章意识比每个词每个句子的正确性更加重要，而且写作归根结底不是为了试卷上的命题作文，它是用来传递信息、表达思想和情感的。这是超越语法的英语，孩子们突破了就会对写作有一个全新的认识。

怎么样，孩子们，来比赛写写这篇命题作文吧。