10、二十岁的时候，挤在人头攒动的公共大巴上，吃着甜筒，挺开心。三十岁之后，看见破旧肮脏的的士都心烦，拜托！油价一跌，就去买车吧，一路开往小康。

    初译：At the age of twenty, I felt happy squeezed in a crammed bus eating an ice-cream. After I have turned thirty, I hate to look at the dirty, worn-out taxis. Thank goddess! Once the oil price declines, I’ll buy a car to myself and drive all the way to a comfortable life.

    改译：At the age of twenty, I felt so contented, sandwiched in a jammed bus, eating ice cream. After thirty, even the sight of a shabby and sordid taxi could sicken me. OK! When the oil price drops, I'll buy a car, and drive toward the road of the well-to-do.

    小析：英语的非人称主语句（Impersonal Subject Sentence ）具有很高的审美与实用价值，由于历史和文化的原因，汉语大量使用无主语句，而少用非人称主语句，不能不说这是汉语的一个遗憾。这种句式令表达简洁、形象生动、变化灵活。“看见破旧肮脏的的士都心烦”一句的主语是“我”，汉语常将其省略。而英语却可以把the sight of a shabby and sordid taxi作为主语，自然轻巧地“带”出谓语宾语（could sicken me）。I hate to look at the dirty, worn-out taxis则显得有些呆板。

    另外，后译中没有使用squeezed，而是使用了sandwiched，词的转义增加辞彩，又多一例。

    11、二十岁的时候，打赌说我这辈子不可能土到死守在一个地方，生活在别处嘛。三十岁之后，我为了在这座城市买个满意又便宜的房子跑断了双腿。

    初译：At the age of twenty, I bet there was fat chance that I should rustically live my lifetime in one place, as the saying goes, a beautiful life occurs elsewhere. In my thirties, I spare no strength running for a decent and inexpensive house in the local city.

    改译：At the age of twenty, I vowed that I would never allow myself to be stuck in one city for my entire life. After thirty, I have run myself off my legs hunting for a cheap, cozy apartment in this city.

    小析：“跑断了双腿”被译成spare no strength running for…让人扼腕。何不套用英语成语to run off one’s legs。如改译：ran off my legs for searching …

    改译的亮色还在于：to be stuck in one city…/ hunting for a cheap, cozy apartment，stick/hunt，两个寻常英语单词，在此上下文中，用其转义，轻巧而又地道。

    12、二十岁的时候，看小说专挑和爱情有关的情节看。三十岁之后，我在聊天室里的代号叫“不谈爱情”。

    初译：At the age of 20, I only read paragraphs about love in reading novels. At the age of 30, my name was “no speaking love” in chat-room on the Internet.

    改译：At the age of twenty, while reading a novel, I devoted myself to chapters exclusively dealing with romance. After thirty, I gave myself the nickname “No Mention of Love” in an Internet chat-room.

    小析：I only read paragraphs about love in reading novels (9 words)→ while reading a novel, I devoted myself to chapters exclusively dealing with romance (13 words)

    这是一个有趣且发人深省的现象：英译汉，学生的译文往往该简不简，译文拖沓；汉译英，学生的译文往往该繁不繁，译文过简。

    傅雷曾指出：东方人和西方人的思想方式有基本分歧。我人重综合、重归纳、重暗示、重含蓄；西方人则重分析，细微曲折、挖掘惟恐不尽，描写惟恐不周。

     这个独到的观察告诉我们：汉译英，即从一种“重暗示、重含蓄”的语言到一种“挖掘惟恐不尽，描写惟恐不周”语言的过渡。这种“过渡”必然由原文之“简”过渡到译文之“繁”，而不是相反。从初译的9个单词到改译的13个单词，增加了4个单词，但表达更地道，英语味更浓。

    13、二十岁的时候，一听到名人就激动不已，就欢呼雀跃，就奋不顾身往前冲。三十岁之后，一听到名人就若有所失，就心烦意乱，就怒火中烧，就……不知道什么滋味，特别是年轻的，漂亮的，女名人。

    初译：When I was twenty, hearing the name of the famous man, I would be so excited that I could almost jump up with cheer and dashed ahead regardless of my safety. After thirty, I was indifferent, annoyed, flew into a temper and I had no feeling to hear the name of the famous man, particularly of those famous, young and pretty females .

    改译：At the age of twenty, upon hearing a celebrity I would rush forward to see, overwhelmed with joy.  After thirty, upon hearing the names of celebrities, I feel lost, vexed and burned with anger, especially at the names of pretty young women.

    小析：汉语以神驭形，是一种意境语言，偏重暗示，欣赏含蓄，写意性很强。而英语则以形摄神，看重逻辑，讲究分析，崇尚写实。

    因此，汉语的一些写意性的表达，只能意译，而不可直译。本段出现一典型例子。比如，原句有“奋不顾身”四字，我们，以汉语为母语者，一读就懂，此成语之运用纯属写意性夸张。英语可不买账，不买“写意”的账，你把它译成了regardless of my safety。美国友人读此即问：Was the famous man holding a handgun, ready to shoot at you?

    14、二十岁的时候，和某个人晚上一起去看了场电影，不经意中拉了一次手，结果幸福了整整一个夏天。三十岁之后，坐在香格里拉酒店的旋转餐厅陪客户吃自助餐，在缓缓的转动之中，莫名其妙地一阵空虚，突然间对一切感到索然无味……

    初译：At the age of twenty, I went to see film on a night with someone who casually took my hand in his palm, and this sweet happiness lingered for the whole summer. After I have turned thirty, I feel an aching void in the slow movement of the rotating restaurant, where I dine with my clients upon a buffet meal, in Shangri-La Hotel and all of a sudden I lost interest in everything.

    改译：At the age of twenty, the accidental touch of a boy's hand with whom I went to a film thrilled me with happiness all through that summer. After thirty, one day when I was dining together with my clients at the rotating restaurant at Shangri-La Hotel, an indescribable emptiness, all of a sudden, seizes me, and I found everything dull and dry.

    小析：想让你的英译更地道，或沾上点文采的边儿，就要懂得英语的优势，或学点英语的修辞。改译之美，美在哪儿？

    首先，又是两个非人称主语句：

    1/ the accidental touch of a boy's hand with whom I went to a film thrilled me with happiness all through that summer.

    2/ an indescribable emptiness, all of a sudden, seizes me.

    两译的主语分别为：the accidental touch of a boy's hand / an indescribable emptiness。

    其次，改译运用英语的音韵修辞格 – alliteration（头韵）-- dull and dry。如果省却其中一个，译文将成为：and I found everything dull / and I found everything dry. 虽然同样达意，但味道就寡淡多了。不信，请试读两遍。