文章标题：一个女人是这样衰老的 【原文见“东方网”】  

初译：How a Woman Gets Old 

改译：The Way A Woman Withers  

点评：衰老 =  old？思路不妨拓宽，“衰老”译wither，如何？Withers因使用了转义connotation，其审美想象比old更为广阔。另外，The Way A Woman Withers不仅形象跃出，且有alliteration（头韵）之美。

初译：At the age of twenty, I walked about on the campus, wearing a vest-like jean skirt. My face would turn red whenever I speak. After I have turned thirty, I am seated in front of a bureau, in a suit of famous brand, reproaching a subordinate coldly, “How dare you ask such a stupid question? Why didn’t you make a draft first?”

改译：At the age of twenty, wearing a jeans jumper, I moved about on the campus, my face blushing the moment I had the inclination to make an utterance. At the age of thirty, I, wearing a famous-brand suit and a cold look, reproach my subordinate bluntly, “How can you go so far as to raise such a silly, mindless question?” 

小析：翻译学到一定的时候，就期望有所突破。而突破的唯一道路是学以致用。试比较：

…in a suit of famous brand, reproaching a subordinate coldly.

…wearing a famous-brand suit and a cold look, reproach my subordinate bluntly,

    前译已经不错，而后译却辞彩灿烂！究其原因，后译用了Zeugma (轭式修饰法)。一个分词巧妙地“串”起了两个宾语（a famous-brand suit / a cold look）！ 

    初学者的译文处处留下“老实”的，或曰稚嫩的痕迹。原句中有“也不先打个草稿”，译文便亦步亦趋：Why didn’t you make a draft first? 汉语“打个草稿”的比喻，可是，英语并不认同。

服饰，是翻译的一大障碍。原句中的“背心式牛仔裙”被译成vest-like jean skirt / sleeveless jeans skirts。均不地道。背心式牛仔裙 = jeans jumper/denim jumper。

2、二十岁的时候，从图书馆借的是《莎士比亚全集》、《一个青年艺术家的自画像》和《尤里西斯》。三十岁之后，床头摆的是《跟庄秘笈》、《ELLE》和《经理人的个人魅力》。

初译：At the age of twenty, The Collected Works of Shakespeare, The Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man, and Ulysses were borrowed from the library. After thirty, Strategy of Speculation on Stocks, ELLE and Manager’s Personal Charm were put on the bedside. (此译含dangling modifier，被视作英语非规范表达。)

改译：At the age of twenty, I borrowed books from the library like Shakespeare’s Complete Works, A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, Ulysses. After thirty, on my bedside, lie such books and magazines as The Recipe on Stocks, Elle and Manager’s Charm.

小析：两译相比，最大的区别在于，前者“尾轻”，后者“尾重”。英语句法的审美趣味倾向于“尾重”。试比较（前者为佳句，后者为拙句）：

    Gone are the days when I was young. Vs. The days when I was young are gone.  

    Word came that bribery has sent him to prison, which amazed us. Vs. Word that bribery has sent him to prison came, which amazed us.

而汉语却没有此习惯。汉语说：我年轻的日子已经一去不返。/ 他因受贿（或行贿）而被捕入狱的消息传来，我们大吃一惊。

3、二十岁的暑假，在家乡的大街上偶遇自己的暗恋对象，听说他考上了研究生，被他的进步所打击，心如刀绞，想到这辈子终于不能出色得让他看我一眼，不禁怆然泪下。三十岁之后，到处打听哪里可以花钱买个MBA。

初译：At 20, during a summer holiday I encountered my beloved one on the street of my hometown. I heard he was admitted to be a graduate. I was struck by his advance. I couldn’t help shedding tears in my extreme grief. I thought that for this life I could never achieve much to let him see me in a new light. After 30, I inquire everywhere where to purchase an MBA certificate.

改译：At the age of twenty, I ran into the young man whom I loved in private in the street of my hometown. Upon hearing that he had been enrolled as a graduate, I was virtually dealt a heavy blow, believing reluctantly so painful a fact that I could never do well enough to win his favor, bitter tears streaming down my cheeks. After thirty, I busy myself here and there, inquiring where I could buy an MBA diploma.

小析：既然英语句子有“葡萄型”结构之喻，汉语句子有“竹竿型”结构之喻。因此，是否可以说“英汉互译”便如“葡萄”与“竹竿”之间的转换。如：

    The boy, who was crying as if his heart would break, said, when I spoke to him, that he was very hungry, because he had had no food for two days.

    寥寥两行，竟然有6个分句，而主句(The boy said…)很短，却悬挂着5个分句。

    而相应的汉语表达却是，用节节短句，逐层展开：

那个男孩哭得似乎心都碎了，我问他的时候，他说他已经有两天没有吃东西了，他实在是饿极了。

两译类比，前译用了六个短句，而后译仅用了三句。尤其是Upon hearing that he had been enrolled as a graduate, I was virtually dealt a heavy blow, believing reluctantly so painful a fact that I could never do well enough to win his favor, bitter tears streaming down my cheeks.一句，是典型的“葡萄型”结构，主干很短，仅I was virtually dealt a heavy blow 而已。而“挂结”其上的，有介词短语，有分词短语，分词短语中还含有状语从句，还有独立主格结构。洋洋洒洒，架床叠屋。须知，英语以此句型为美，而过多的短句的排列，被贬为baby English。

4、二十岁的时候，随时随地向人透露我的年龄，答得比问得还快。三十岁之后，最恨别人问年龄，你要是非问不可，你猜啊。

初译：At the age of twenty, I was always ready to disclose my age on all occasions and could not wait to speak out the answer until the inquirer finished his words. After I have turned thirty, I hate any inquiry about my age. If you insist, have a guess.

改译：At the age of twenty, I was so ready to reveal my age, telling people about my age frequently before they inquired. After thirty, age became almost a taboo to me. If somebody is so nosy, I respond, “Guess.” 

小析：运用词汇的转义（connotation）乃英语之“绝活”，最常用的词汇也可用其转义，而令表达生辉，这就令汉语为母语者暗羡！ 

     遗憾的是，汉英翻译，我们惯于运用英语词汇的本义，束手束脚，思路茧服从 “三十岁之后，最恨别人问年龄，你要是非问不可，你猜啊。”一句中的“恨”，必译hate，“非问不可”，必译If you insist。若能或活用英语词汇之转义，译文也就生动起来，地道起来。改译之taboo 和nosy颇可玩味。