题图：大明湖之荷花

    最近为一短文的翻译润色定稿，原文标题是The Charming Character of Swedes /瑞典人可爱的性格。汉语修养，是个大概念，但是，此大概念又是有无数细节构成。不知笔者的“点评”是否能得到你的认可。 

    The Swedes are among the most charming peoples in Europe. And their charm comes from an apparent contradiction in the national character. They are extremely conservative in social relationships; within the family and when meeting friends and business acquaintances, their conduct is governed by strict social patterns. At the same time, they are one of the most intellectually progressive people in the world. They are always open to new ideas.

    译文：瑞典人是欧洲最可爱的民族之一，其可爱之处来自于该民族明显的性格矛盾性。在社会关系方面，他们显得出奇的保守；在家里，或是与朋友和商界熟人见面，他们的行为都有严格的社会规范。同时，他们又是世界上思想最进步的民族之一，总是随时展开双臂，欢迎新思想。

    点评：将the most charming peoples翻译成了“最可爱的民族”之后，又将their charm译成“其可爱之处”，衔接自然，且与标题之译构成呼应；They are always open to new ideas译成“总是随时展开双臂欢迎新思想”，增补了形象，可取。

    All social occasions in Sweden are regulated by rules and traditions. And these traditions are expressed in a specific ritual made up of formal bows, handshakes, and greetings. When a visitor enters a Swedish home, he is invariably received with a “Welcome”; when he leaves, his host will tell him “You will be welcome again.” These charming phrases are an indestructible part of Swedish social life and they give it an old-world flavor of good manners.

    译文：在瑞典，一切社交场合都受制于一定的规范和传统，而这些传统又具体表现在如鞠躬、握手和问好的特别礼仪上。客人来到瑞典人的家庭，总能听到一声“欢迎您！”；离去时，主人会说“欢迎您再来。”这些可爱的惯用语成为瑞典人社会生活中铁定的一部分，它们给生活抹上了一层旧时礼节的优雅风度。

    点评：译文“客人来到一个瑞典人的家庭，总能听到一声“欢迎您！”；离去时，主人会说“欢迎您再来。”变原句的形合句为意合句，行文更趋简练。

    Equally attractive is the Swedish acceptance of modern technological equipment. A traveler never needs to search for a telephone in Sweden: telephone booths are placed at regular intervals along the main streets and highways. And in church, for example, long benches are fitted with hearing aids for worshippers who may be hard of hearing. Swedish homes are among the best equipped in the world and travelers in Sweden find their journeys made easy by the use of the most efficient modern devices.

    译文：同样的可爱还体现在瑞典人乐于接受现代技术设备。在瑞典，游客们不必费神去寻找电话，主要街道和公路上间隔一定距离就会有一个电话亭。又如在教堂，长凳上配有助听器，方便那些听力有碍的做礼拜者。瑞典人的家庭跻身世界上设备最好的家庭，来瑞典的观光客因这些高效的现代设施而深感旅行的舒适。

    点评：上文出现的charming peoples，their charm以及charming phrases中的charm(ing)皆译成了“可爱（的）”，而此段的Equally attractive，采取倒装，是为了实现前后衔接，似乎亦可改写为Equally charming，之所以换用了attractive，主要出于修辞（elegant variation /求雅换词）的考虑。若将Equally attractive译成“同样吸引人的”，或“同样有魅力的”，则与上文行程“跳脱”。译文“同样的可爱还体现在......”保留原句语序，达到了同样目的。 

    The Swedes are an efficient and most capable people. Punctuality is more than a virtue to them — it is a rule of life originating from the most attractive characteristic of this northern people. This is their respect for their friends and acquaintances and especially for the visitor to their country. At whatever cost to themselves, they take care not to give another person the slightest degree of discomfort.

    译文：瑞典人是一个非常讲求效率、极为能干的民族，对他们来说，准时守时不只是一种美德 ── 而是一种生活的准则，它源自这个北欧民族最可爱的性格特点：对朋友，对熟人，特别是对外国访客的尊重。瑞典人尽其所能，小心翼翼地避免给别人带来不适，即使是最微不足道的不适。

    点评：又将attractive characteristic译成了“可爱的性格”，译文有一气呵成之美；此外，译文连用了三个成语 – 尽其所能，小心翼翼和微不足道。汉语成语不仅能简化译文，更重要的是，能化难为易。试想，若不用成语，they take care not to give another person the slightest degree of discomfort.一句即可能译成：他们很当心不给其他人以最轻微程度的不适。-- 读之别扭。

    This respect for human rights runs through the whole Swedish social system. It makes politicians and bureaucrats, indeed anyone with social power, courteous in dealing with citizens and visitors. Courtesy thus has been developed into a social instinct in Sweden. It is part of the spirit of the life based on a national culture, which is wholly Scandinavian.

    译文：这种对人权的尊重渗透在瑞典的整个社会体制中，它使政治家及官员，实际上任何具有社会权势的人，在和公众和来访者打交道时，都表现得礼貌待人。这种谦恭的态度在瑞典已被发展成为一种社交本能，已经成了建立在纯粹的斯堪的纳维亚民族文化之上的生活精神的组成部分

    点评：翻译难点之一是选择词汇。本段出现了bureaucrats，我们可以不假思索地将其译成“官僚”，本段还出现了the spirit of the life，我们也可以不假思索地译成“生命的精神”。欠妥也。官僚有官吏的意思，但是，在现代汉语中，“官僚”一词已经贬多褒少，另外，“生命”与所谓“精神”之搭配也显得牵强附会。