网友发来“Forgive for Good Health”/ 《恕以养生》的原文，及其译文，请笔者“斧正”，此君乃一翻译硕士生，正在倾心研究“生态翻译”，阅后作改译，并加“小析”。征得该网友同意，现整理发表如下。小析涉及了翻译中的译文简洁、遣词准确、正说与反说，漏译、成语使用、时态、专业术语的使用、标点符号等诸多问题。“改译”舛误难免，仅供参考而已。

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They say to forgive is divine. It may be good for your health, too, researchers report. 

初译：俗话说，宽容是神圣的美德。研究表明，宽容同样有益身心健康。

改译：据说，宽容乃圣德。研究表明，宽容也有益健康。

小析：“写完之后，至少看两遍，竭力将可有可无的字、句、段删去。”— 鲁迅名言。此名言是否可以略作修改，改成：“译”完之后……。

The results of a new study suggest that people with forgiving natures may have lower blood pressure than less forgiving folks. 

初译：最新科研显示，宽厚仁慈者比狭隘苛刻者的血压更低。

改译：一项新的研究表明，本性宽容者之血压低于本性不够宽容者。 

小析：less forgiving folks译成“正说”好，还是译成“反说”？正说（“狭隘苛刻者”）措辞过分，过犹不及！也许又是一种overtranslation。

Hostility and anger have been linked with poor health and heart disease, but the relationship between forgiveness and health has not been studied as much. 

初译：敌意、愤怒情绪与体弱和心脏病息息相关，然而，宽容与健康的关联性却未得以证实。

改译：研究表明，敌意和愤怒，健康不佳和心脏病，彼此有关联，然而，宽容与健康是否也有关联，至今尚未得到同样的研究。

小析：成语“息息相关”不宜用于此语境。另外，句末的as much又不可视而不译。其含义是：同样地；同等程度的。此外，have been linked以及下文的has not been studied as much暗含研究者认为二者紧密相关，所以句首添译“研究表明”。

The study included 108 college students who were interviewed about specific situations in which they had felt betrayed by someone else. Researchers also interviewed the students to judge whether or not they had a generally forgiving nature. 

初译：调研采访了108名在校大学生，记录了当他们遭遇背叛时的情形以及他们是否具有宽仁的品性。

改译：调研采访了108名大学生，他们被问及感到遭人背弃时的某种特定情景，并让他们自己判定通常是否具有宽恕的本性。

小析：原句没有的，添译了，如“记录了”；原句含有的，漏译了，如specific situations，had felt，等。betrayed译成了“背叛”，“帽子”太大。，也不宜译成“不忠”-- 人家为什么一定要“忠于”你呢？ 

During and after the interviews, researchers monitored several vital signs in the students, including blood pressure and heart rate. 

初译：采访过程中及采访结束后，调研人员检测了包括血压，心率在内的几项健康重要指标。

改译：采访过程中及采访结束后，调研人员监测了学生的几项重要的体症，包括血压、心率。

小析：sign的含义之一（见《美国传统词典》）是：a body manifestation that serves to indicate the presence of malfunction or disease，《谷歌金山词霸》特别注明，用于“医学”时，译“体症”。遣词要尽量往“专业化”靠拢，即便是非正式的医学文章。

"Young adults who are less forgiving in general have higher blood pressure levels, even when resting, than more forgiving individuals," Lawler said. 

初译：劳拉说：“那些耿耿于怀的年轻人即使在平静放松的状态下，也比懂得包容的人的血压高。”

改译：“那些本性不够宽容者即使处在休息状态，其血压也比本性宽容者的血压来得高。”劳拉说。

小析：这里重新出现less forgiving（folks）的表达，当维持原译。此外，“耿耿于怀”也欠妥，看来，译者过于钟情于使用汉语成语。 

The study also showed that a lack of forgiveness in a particular situation seemed to have an effect on the body. Lawler explained that students who recalled a time of betrayal that they have not been able to forgive "experience a more sustained physiological arousal" than students who remembered a betrayal that they had been able to forgive. 

初译：调查还显示，受到欺骗时若缺乏宽恕之德将无益人体健康。劳拉解释道，不能容忍别人背叛的学生与可以泰然处之的学生相比，更能激发生理上的持久不安。

改译：调查还显示，在特定的情景境下，缺乏宽容之心会对身体产生不利影响。劳拉解释道，那些回忆起某个“背弃”事件却一直不能原谅的学生，与那些对某个“背弃”事件持原谅态度的学生相比，他们“所经历的生理激发状态更为持久”。 

小析：初译者最易忽略的是“时态”。究其原因，汉语缺乏“时态”这个概念。比如此句：students who recalled a time of betrayal that they have not been able to forgive，句中的recalled a time / have not been able to forgive的时态标记分明，原译却视而不见。原文作者的文笔何等精细，试比较：they have not been able to forgive ～ they had been able to forgive。原译再次视而不见。此外，将a particular situation 具体化为“受到欺骗时若缺乏宽恕之德”；have an effect on the body 被译成“无益人体健康”，皆“强加于人”之译也。漏译，也屡屡发生。如"experience a more sustained physiological arousal"之引号，又如who recalled a time of，等等。此外，据查，physiological arousal 系生理学术语，可译作“生理激发”。

The Tennessee researcher added that students who had a less forgiving personality and who remembered a time when they were unable to forgive experienced the greatest increase in the arousal of the sympathetic nervous system, which comes into play during stressful situations. They were also slowest to recover after this arousal, she said. 

初译：这位田纳西学者还补充道，不能饶恕不忠并耿耿于怀的人容易在紧急关头产生神经高度紧张，并无法在短期内恢复正常。

改译：这位田纳西研究人员还补充道，在某件事上不能宽恕他人且难以释怀者其交感神经系统的亢奋度最为强烈，而这种情况在面临压力的情况下便会发生。亢奋之后，其恢复也是最慢的，她还说。

小析：初译没有译出原句中的sympathetic nervous system，而且漏译了which comes into play during stressful situations。who remembered a time when they were unable to forgive又被译成“耿耿于怀”，欠准确，“难以释怀”则比较接近原来的意思。  

"One important theory about illness is that those individuals who have larger stress responses and maintain them for longer periods of time, are at increased risk for a variety of chronic diseases, such as cancer and heart disease," Lawler said. 

初译：劳拉说：“一重大疾病原理证明，一个长期保持紧张状态的人，易患各种慢性疾病，如：癌症，心脏病。” 

改译：劳拉说：“关于疾病的一个重要的理论是，应激反应较为强烈，并维持较长时间的人，患各种慢性疾病（如癌症和心脏病）的风险增加。”

小析：初译漏译了句中的larger。此外，who have larger stress responses and maintain them for longer periods of time并未被原文作者“浓缩”成who have larger and longer stress responses,总有其道理，翻译还是“照样画葫芦”为宜。  

"Forgiveness may represent an important way to reduce your automatic, physiological arousal to interpersonal stressors," she added.  

初译：她还说：“宽容是调节人际紧张的一剂良药，它能缓解人体无意识产生的生理不安。”

改译：她还说：“宽容是一剂良药，它能减少你对于人际压力源所产生的自发性生理激发。” 

小析：初译的“人际紧张”未能译出interpersonal stressors。据查，interpersonal stressors有人译为“人际压力源”，从结构上分析，… arousal 当与后面的to搭配，故宜译作“减少你对于人际压力源所产生的……生理激发。