打工手记【43】:《背影》两译,比读有益(II)【6月14日阳光上午】

标签:
背影两译比读 |
分类: 翻译探索 |
“散文”:After I arrived in Beijing, he wrote me a letter, in
which he says, “I’m all right except for a severe pain in my arm. I
even have trouble using chopsticks or writing brushes. Perhaps it
won’t be long now before I depart this life.”
此译使用connectives堪称“前呼后拥”。如:after / in which / except for / or
等。但是,读来仍有“牵丝攀藤”的感觉!
杨戴之译:
After I came north he wrote to me: “My health is all right,
only my arm aches so badly I find it hard to hold the pen. Probably
the end is not far away.”
两译字数之比:45:34。始料未及的是,后译使用的connective仅两个:after / so。
关注和分析so(that),令人茅塞顿开。
所谓connective,据其作用,可分为两类:一种是结构性的(structural
connectives),另一种是非结构性的(non-structural
connectives)。结构性的connective既折射句子内部逻辑关系,又是句子的框架性构件,“支撑”着英语句子,“一箭双雕”。后译的so(that)即属于structural
connectives。
而非结构性的connective乃句子的逻辑标记,是承接上下文之纽带。 如:
1/ After I arrived in Beijing, he wrote me a letter, in which
he says…
2/ After I came north he wrote to me…
译1的in
which即非结构性connective,不反映逻辑关系,仅承上启下,使用了这样的connective,未必能简化表达,与译2的he
wrote me a letter之后使用的冒号相比,in which he says徒增行文之字数矣。
structural connectives,既反映逻辑关系,又承上启下,若用别的文字来取代structural
connectives,自然就多费笔墨。如:
1/ I’m all right except for a severe pain in my arm. I even
have trouble using chopsticks or writing
brushes.
2/ only my arm aches so badly I find it hard to hold the
pen.
译2中的so(that),即属于structural
connectives。so虽不起眼,作用却大!so不仅使“惟膀子疼痛厉害,举箸提笔,诸多不便”一句中隐含的因果关系“浮出水面”,令读者易懂,而且使句子结构豁然。而译1中的I
even have trouble using chopsticks or writing
brushes独立成句,有逻辑割裂感,宛如“前不着村,后不着店”一般。
当然,杨戴之译将“举箸提笔”译成to hold the pen,不见了“举箸”,咀嚼品评,反倒觉得“散文”之译“using
chopsticks or writing brushes”有点“烦”不可耐了!
He is always changing his mind the moment he sees something
new.
从字面上看,此句之逻辑并未“显山露水”,但是,若不识其真面目(隐含“时间”逻辑意味),照字面“老实”翻译,那将获得怎样的译文呢?
“又看见那肥胖的,青布棉袍,黑布马褂的背影”应该如何理解?其中隐藏着怎样的逻辑关系?这是一个需要结合上文细加推敲的问题。其“逻辑”背景是:当父亲离我而去的时候,我看见那肥胖的,青布棉袍,黑布马褂的背影。这个“逻辑”背景是全文之“眼”!汉语是成熟的语言,“当父亲离我而去的时候”不必明言,此意已经很自然地溶入字里行间,读者心领神会。但是,在英译时,译者就必须遵从英语表达习惯,应该化隐为显,变无为有。遗憾的是,“散文”显然没有注意到这一点,而是作了直译:I
again saw the back of father…句中的动宾搭配(saw /
back),基本“抄袭”汉语原句之动宾结构(看见/背影)。
反观杨戴之译:
When I read this, through a mist of tears I saw his blue
cotton-padded gown and black jacket once more as his burly figure
walked away from me. Shall we ever meet
again?
此译抛弃了原句的动宾结构,而是另起炉灶:saw / his blue cotton-padded gown and
black jacket。这样就腾出了使用connective的空间,译笔多有创意!果然,紧接着出现了一个as
(典型的structural connectives),清晰且有层次感地传递了“背影”出现的时间。as his burly
figure walked away from
me在原句里寻找不到相对应的字眼,却能在上文里寻找到此译的背景。由as引导的从句,贯通了上下文,并成功点题,把父亲的“背影”给译活了,这比单纯地写I
again saw the back of father…更让人喝彩!如果说,译文I again saw the back of
father…是死板的、平面的、孤立的,而译文I saw his blue cotton-padded gown and black
jacket once more as his burly figure walked away from
me则是鲜活的、立体的、融会贯通的!
英语的形合表达,竟有此妙处!始料未及!此外,我们不应忘记,一个as,省略了多少赘词,译文从43个单词缩减至33个!