约稿两篇【原创/定稿】【11月20日上午】
(2009-11-20 08:52:54)
标签:
翻译探讨文化 |
分类: 美哉英语 |
五时半起,最后润色定稿北京的两篇约稿,并发送完毕【每月20号定为交稿日】。
先行发表如下,以飨列位看官。
篇一
译一句
2009年8月出版的美国NEWSWEEK 【《新闻周刊》】发表了Malcolm Jones的一篇文章,题为Childhood’s
End(童年的终结),文中有以下一个段落。
You can't say you don't see the trouble coming, not in a novel
where the first line is "The cold came late that fall and the
songbirds were caught off guard." The narrator is Tassie Keltjin, a
Midwestern college student looking for baby-sitting work in
December 2001. Her voice, as rendered by the ever skillful Lorrie
Moore in A Gate at the Stairs, is a wonky mixture of farm-girl
practicality, undergraduate sass(disrespectful back talk), and a
reflexive honesty that will prove her best armor against the
posturing, secrecy, and downright lying that ultimately overturn
her easygoing view of the world. Lyrical and lighthearted, Tassie
herself is something of a songbird, but by the end of the novel,
her mental temperature will have dipped to what Emily Dickinson
called "zero at the bone."
Malcolm Jones之行文,颇得John
Updike之风,句长多折,议论精彩,遣词别致,咀嚼有味。比如,上段中划底线的一句,含两个that引导的从句,其先行词究竟如何捕捉?又比如,reflexive
honesty,搭配奇巧,究竟如何翻译?等等。
咀嚼出味,忽想到请几位译友(皆有“硕博”之头衔)翻译上段之划线句,奇“句”共欣赏。
邮件发出次日,译文5句,先后递到。译文五花八门,瑕瑜互见。现予发表,并附上点评。
1/ 她的声音由技艺娴熟、曾担纲《楼梯上的门》的洛丽•摩尔演绎,里头集合了多种性格,--
农家女式的实在,大学生式的口无遮拦(失礼的顶嘴),以及一种自省式的真诚。这种真诚被证明是她应对那些最终颠覆了她对世界的天真看法的装腔作势、鬼鬼祟祟的行为和赤裸裸的谎言的最好的武器。
【点评:理解基本正确,表达流畅,缺点是末句过长。个别表达可以商榷,如:reflexive honesty
译成了“自省式的真诚”,等。】
【点评:对that will prove her best armor against the posturing, secrecy,
and downright lying
【点评:翻译长句,要点有二。一是梳理结构,如:“这一切”/“这”皆系对先行词的“误捕”;二是吃透词义,如:何来“自矜”?何来“媚人风姿、羞怯心思”?何来“人见人爱”?】
【点评:理解似无大误。问题在于语序之混乱也,乱而不可读。语序折射了人们的思维顺序:由已知 → 未知,由主位(theme)→
述位(rheme)。且“这些东西”,过于含糊,指代不明,似可根据原句中的两个关系代词的先后有序作译!】
【点评:将未划线部分也译出者,唯此君也,这对理解全句大有裨益。但是,that will prove her best armor
against the posturing, secrecy, and downright
lying一句的中的that的先行词到底是farm-girl practicality, undergraduate
sass(disrespectful back talk), and a reflexive honesty,还是a
reflexive honesty?此译的理解为前者,从逻辑言,难以说得通;比如,undergraduate
sass(大学生的出言不逊)岂可成为 her best armor ?译文尚存漏译,如:undergraduate
等。此外,“朴实无华,出言不逊,诚实正直”的反复出现,说明译笔之笔力不济。理解欠准和“笔力不济”还体现于译文“把她的声音描写得惟妙惟肖”,等。本译的另一个瑕疵,重复了第四句译文之瑕疵
– 语序。两个that引导的从句之译何以颠而倒之?】
【注:译毕,我将译文发送友人王菊泉教授,请他点评,他将“大学生式的口无遮拦”改成了“大学生的粗鲁”,将“隐约融合”改成了“不太稳定地混合着”;将“反省式的真诚”改成了“源自她本性的真诚”,等。王译既实又朴,朴则近本矣。】
上句之结构,并不复杂,其主干很短,即Her voice,… is a wonky mixture…。
主要是......that will prove her best armor against the posturing,
secrecy, and downright lying that ultimately overturn her easygoing
view of the world.中两个从句的先行语的确定。前者之先行语为a reflexive honesty,后者则为the
posturing, secrecy, and downright lying。
明啥理?翻译始终与逻辑思维活动相伴而行。先行词之准确“捕捉”,依靠逻辑;文字表达的清通可读,也依靠逻辑。从以上译文可以印证:看似文采十足,实则令人不解,十之八九,译者未能真正读懂原句。表面华丽的遣词掩盖的却是对原文的一知半解,暴露的却是逻辑一定出了纰漏。--
此乃译界常态之一。
比如:...... 这一切恰好体现了她的自矜,去捍卫和遮掩她那媚人风姿、羞怯心思、直白谎言......。
篇二
译途陷阱:正反双义
“是的,中国队大败美国队。”
这里,大胜 = 大败。这是语言“正反同义”现象。
除了“正反同义”现象之外,尚存“正反双义”之现象,即一词(组)既可表正义,亦可表反义。一般说来,英语比汉语更注重表达的逻辑,但是,英语这种“正反双义”的语言现象并不少见,初登译途,此现象无疑是陷阱,译入佳境,你便会视之为译林趣事之一!
这并非一则杜撰的历史笑话:冷战时期,英美召开裁军会议。英方代表提出要table a
motion(讨论提案),而美方代表却竭力反对,争来争去,最后美方代表说:“But it's a very good motion.
Why do you want to table
it?”(“这是一个很好的提案,你们为什么要将它搁置?”)英方代表恍然大悟,原来他们双方观点一致 --
都要讨论这个提案。追根溯源,争议出自table一词。轻点“金山词霸”,即可得:(英)提交讨论;(美)搁置(议案)。
英语有不少词(组)集正反义于一身,因而,其准确含义,在落下译笔之前,当以逻辑咀嚼一番。稍有疏忽,译文即错。请君试译:
一、单词类
1. overlook:监视;忽视
1) She did not know that she was being overlooked by the woman next
door.
2) My calculation was wrong because I overlooked one tiny
point.
2. learn:学;教
3) I learnt French when I was a child from a governess.
4) This will learn you to keep out of mischief.
3. wear:耐磨;易磨损
5) The material won't wear.
6) Dripping water wears the stone away.
4. rent:租出;租入
7) Mr. Hill rents this land to us at $200 a year.
8) They rented a cabin for their vacation.
5. oversight:疏忽;注意
9) Through an unfortunate oversight your letter was left
unanswered.
10)While children are at school, they are under their teachers’
oversight.
二、词组类
1. a (the) hell of a …:非常好的;糟透了的
11) The evening party was very jolly and we had the hell of a
time.
12) Your box arrived all right. It's in your room. But it's a hell
of a thing to call a trunk.
2. as luck would have it:碰巧;不巧
13) “I never expected to see you here so early.” “And I never
expected it either; but, as luck would have it, a friend of mine
was coming this way in his car, and he gave me a lift.”
14) As luck would have it, I was out when he called.
3. as of …:到……时为止;从……时起
15) As of this moment, there are 187 schools in the city.
16) The agreement takes effect as of January the 1st.
4. (as) clear as mud:一点也不清楚;一清二楚,很明显
17) The instructions were badly written -- they were about as clear
as mud.
18) She was trying to hook young Bob -- it was clear as mud.
5. one day:(过去)某一天;(将来)有一天
19) I happened to meet him one day.
20) One day the same thing will happen.
6. for all one knows:…… 所未知;据……所知
21) For all I know, the matter may have been settled.
22) For all I know, he may already have left for Europe.
7. not half:非常,极其;一点也不
23) He didn’t half like it.
24) His first attempts at painting are not half bad.
8. from time to time:经常;偶尔
25) He left here five or six years ago, but I still see him from
time to time.
26) I only go to the cinema from time to time.
9. just about:几乎,差不多;几乎不,差不多不
27) They had just about won the game when they had to stop
playing.
28) I just about won the game; I finished only one point
ahead.
10. nothing less than:完全是;完全不是
29) That’s nothing less than a miracle.
30) We expected nothing less than a revolution.
11. have a (或this) thing about:特别爱好;厌恶,恐惧
31) Jane has a thing about her new bicycle, and won’t let anyone
borrow it.
32) Mabel really has a thing about horses, she is terribly afraid
of them.
12. lay sth. at sb’s door:归咎于某人;归功于某人
33) But there is one thing that can never be laid at the door of
Francist Burke.
34) He lays his love of folk songs at the door of his nurse.
参考译文
1)她不知道她被隔壁的那个女人监视着。
2)我的计算有误,因为我忽略了一个小数点。
3)我童年时从家庭女教师那儿学过法语。
4)这将教训你不要再捣蛋了。
5)这种材料不耐磨。
6)滴水穿石。
7)希尔先生把这块地租给我们,每年二百美元。
8)他们租了一间小屋供度假之用。
9)由于不该有的疏忽,你的来信未曾回复。
10)孩子们在校时,受到老师的细心照料。
11)晚会很有趣,我们玩得非常痛快。
12)你的箱子到是到了,在你房里。可那是个什么劳什子呀,还能称为箱子吗?
13)“我没想到会这么早在这儿见到你。”“我也没想到,但是碰巧得很,我的一位朋友正好开车往这个方向来,便让我搭他的车来了。”
14)不巧得很,他来访时我正好外出。
15)到目前为止,市内有187所学校。
16)协定自元月一日起生效。
17)使用说明写得很糟——一点也不清楚。
18)事情是一清二楚的——她想叫年轻的鲍勃上钩。
19)有一天,我碰巧遇到他。
20) 总有一天会发生同样的事情。
21) 这事也许早解决了,谁知道呢。
22) 据我所知,他可能已动身去欧洲。
23) 他非常喜欢它。
24) 他初学绘画的成绩相当好。
25) 五六年前他就离开了这里,但我还是经常见到他。
26) 我只是偶尔去看看电影。
27) 他们快要赢的时候,比赛结束了。
28) 这场比赛我差一点赢不了,结束时我仅仅领先一分。
29) 那完全是一个奇迹。
30) 我们完全没有预料到会发生革命。
31) 简非常喜欢她的新自行车,谁也不借。
32) 梅布尔真怕马,怕得要命。
33) 但有一件事是决不能归咎到弗朗西斯•伯克身上的。
34) 他认为自己对民歌的爱好应归功于他的保姆。