Memories of My Melancholy Whores

-- Gabriel García Márquez

《我那些苦难婊子的回忆录》蒋方舟译

英汉两种译文对比之

第10部分

张放

【说明】“My heart skipped a beat”错译成了“我心漏了一拍”。这是这一段里最严重的错误。英语里表述“心跳猛然加快了一下”，或“怦然心动”时，就说……

【请继续连续性地阅读马尔克斯的小说英译本】

Whenever someone asks I always answer with the truth: whores left me no time to be married. Still, I should acknowledge that I did not come up with this explanation until the day of my ninetieth birthday, when I left Rosa Cabarcas's house determined never again to provoke fate. I felt like a different man. My mood was upset by the disreputable mob I saw leaning against the metal railings around the park. I found Damiana washing the floor, on all fours in the living room, and the youthfulness of her thighs at her age revived in me a tremor from another time. She must have sensed it because she covered herself with her skirt.

I could not resist the temptation to ask: Tell me something, Damiana: what do you recall?

I wasn't recalling anything, she said, but your question makes me remember.

I felt a weight in my chest. I've never fallen in love, I told her.

She replied without hesitation: I have. And she concluded, not interrupting her work: I cried over you for twenty-two years. My heart skipped a beat. looking for a dignified way out, I said: We would have made a good team. Well, it's wrong of you to say so now, she said, because you're no good to me anymore even as a consolation. As she was leaving the house, she said in the most natural way: You won't believe me but thanks be to God, I'm still a virgin.

【蒋译】

不管谁问，我都说真话：是那些婊子们，让我没空结婚。而我永远无法解释九十岁生日那天奇怪的欲望，那时我刚刚离开罗莎•卡巴卡斯的屋子，决定永不激怒命运，觉得自己变了一个人。我的心情被那一大帮靠着公园栏杆的流民弄得很糟糕。我看到达米阿那趴在客厅擦地，相对于她的实际年龄显得年轻的大腿让我心思活络了一下。她一定是感觉到了，因为她立刻用裙子遮住腿。

我忍不住问她：告诉我，达米阿那，关于旧日，你还记得什么？

我什么都不记得了，她说，但你的问题让我开始回忆。

我感觉到了胸腔内的沉重，告诉她：我从未坠入爱河。

她毫不犹豫地回答：我有过。然后她一边继续擦地一边说：我为你哭过二十二年。

我心漏了一拍，找台阶下：我们本来会是很好的一对。

你现在不该这么说，她说，因为你对我来说没有任何好处，即使是相互做个伴儿。

离开房间的时候，她用一种最自然的语气说：你不会相信，但是——谢天谢地，我还是个处女。

【张评】

1、“Still, I should acknowledge that I did not come up with this explanation until the day of my ninetieth birthday, when I left Rosa Cabarcas's house determined never again to provoke fate.”译成“而我永远无法解释九十岁生日那天奇怪的欲望，那时我刚刚离开罗莎•卡巴卡斯的屋子，决定永不激怒命运”。看汉语，“解释……欲望”，一看就知道，这仍旧是动宾搭配不对的问题。回头看一下英语，知道“I did not come up with … until… ”

2、“奇怪的欲望”也不知道是从哪里想出来的。

3、、“the disreputable mob”中的“mob”到底应该是什么？ 请看英英诠释：1）a disorderly or riotous crowd of people. 2）a crowd bent on or engaged in lawless violence.

3）a criminal gang, especially one involved in drug trafficking, extortion, etc. 译者漏译了“disreputable”一词，同时还把“mob”译成“流民”，似不准确。

4、“趴在客厅擦地”，从逻辑意义上说，“趴着”就不能“擦地”，对吧？“on all fours”是“手脚并用”的意思，当然，手可以擦地，脚就不能，因此，是“劂着屁股擦地”才更符合逻辑，也表达了“on all fours”的含义。

5、“相对于她的实际年龄显得年轻的大腿让我心思活络了一下”这句话，译得不是一般的别扭。我们来看一下英译原文：“and the youthfulness of her thighs at her age revived in me a tremor from another time”。这句话是说，这曾经被他干过的女仆人现在也年龄不小了，但她大腿按她的年龄来看，还不老。“revived in me a tremor from another time”还原的话，应该是“a tremor from another time was revived in me”。因此，译者的翻译就有了问题。似应译成“上次的怦然心动想干的念头，又现于脑中”。

6、“我从未坠入爱河”。这并不是一个九十岁老头儿嘴里能说出的话，倒更像是个情窦初开的少女的话。初学翻译的人，容易忘记这一点。常常按自己的语言说话方式，来翻译小说里的各类人物的话，造成“身份不符”。

7、“My heart skipped a beat”：“ 我心漏了一拍”。这是这一段里最严重的错误。英语里表述“心跳猛然加快了一下”，或“怦然心动”时，就说“心停止跳动了一下”。这算是一个英语里的常识。看英英诠释：“‘your heart skips a beat’ or ‘your heart stands still’ = you are suddenly surprised, excited, or frightened ”。

8、“even as a consolation”里，没有“即使是相互做个伴儿”的意思。

【张放试译】

Whenever someone asks I always answer with the truth: whores left me no time to be married. Still, I should acknowledge that I did not come up with this explanation until the day of my ninetieth birthday, when I left Rosa Cabarcas's house determined never again to provoke fate. I felt like a different man. My mood was upset by the disreputable mob I saw leaning against the metal railings around the park. I found Damiana washing the floor, on all fours in the living room, and the youthfulness of her thighs at her age revived in me a tremor from another time. She must have sensed it because she covered herself with her skirt.

I could not resist the temptation to ask: Tell me something, Damiana: what do you recall?

I wasn't recalling anything, she said, but your question makes me remember.

I felt a weight in my chest. I've never fallen in love, I told her.

She replied without hesitation: I have. And she concluded, not interrupting her work: I cried over you for twenty-two years. My heart skipped a beat. looking for a dignified way out, I said: We would have made a good team. Well, it's wrong of you to say so now, she said, because you're no good to me anymore even as a consolation. As she was leaving the house, she said in the most natural way: You won't believe me but thanks be to God, I'm still a virgin.

（所以，）凡有人问，我就如实答道：是婊子们没给我时间结婚。但我得实话实说，直到我90岁生日那天，我才弄明白我为什么会这样答复别人，因为，那天我从罗莎那里出来后，就决定再不跟命运唱对台戏了。我感觉，自己变了个人似的。绕公园外的金属扶杆上，见到一群讨厌的流氓倚在上面，我的心绪变坏了。我发现达米娅娜正在客厅里厥着屁股擦地板，看到按年龄来说她那双并不显老的大腿，我记起了往日的那一想干的悸动念头。她一准是感觉到了这一点，因为她用裙子裹住了自己。

我没能控制住自己，问道：跟我说说，达米娅娜，你想起了啥？

我啥也没想，她说，不过你这一问，我倒是想起了啥。

我的胸口感到了某种沉重感。我（这辈子）压根儿没爱过啥人，我告诉她。

她没有迟疑地答道：我倒是爱过。接着，她边继续擦地，边语带想结束对话的口吻道：我苦恋你有22年了。我的心猛然一动。我假装煞有介事地说道：咱俩本来会很般配。是吧，可你现在这样说，就大错特错了，她说，因为现在你对于我来说，没任何用处，甚至连安慰作用也起不到。她离开屋子时，用最平稳的语调说道：你也许压根不会信，不过，感谢上帝，我仍然是个处女身。