一只狗与上帝的对话

最近收到电子邮件上传来，一个有关狗跟上帝祷告的英文笑话，翻成中文与大家分享。

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亲爱的上帝：狗(dog)刚好是上帝(god)倒过来拼，这背后有原因吗？

Dear God: Is it on purpose our names are the same, only reversed?

亲爱的上帝：为什么人类会不时去闻闻花，但很少肯互相闻闻呢？

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

亲爱的上帝：当我上天堂时，你可以让我在你的沙发上坐坐吗？

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story

亲爱的上帝：为什么车场总喜欢以各样的动物为他们的车子命名，像美洲豹，美洲狮， 野马，魔鬼鱼，甚至兔子。但怎么没有一辆车是以狗为名的呢？我们狗可喜欢坐车兜风了！你看过美洲狮高高兴兴地坐车兜风吗？把克莱斯勒-老鹰(Eagle)改名为克莱斯勒-米格鲁(Beagle)有那么难吗？

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?

亲爱的上帝：如果一只狗在树林里发疯似的叫破头，但没被人听到，他还会被当做只坏狗吗？

Dear God: If a Dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

亲爱的上帝：我们狗类懂得各式人类的口头指令，手势，口哨，喇叭，气味， 电磁场，甚至飞盘的飞行走向。人类到底懂些什么呢？

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields and frisbee flight paths. What do human understand?

亲爱的上帝：拜托拜托,意大利面里多放一些肉丸子，少放点面。好不好啦？

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please﹗

亲爱的上帝：天堂里有邮差吗？如果有的话，我得对他道歉吗？(美国的狗跟邮差是死敌)

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

亲爱的上帝：如下是我做只好狗一定得记得的十二戒

(1)绝对不吃猫食。尤其是被猫吐出来以后的猫食。。。

(2)我绝对不在死鱼，死鸟，死螃蟹上打滚(不管它们的味道有多诱人)。

(3)猫沙盘不是我的饼干罐。

(4)我绝对不把沙发当做面巾来擦脸。

(5)来收垃圾的人并不是想偷我家的东西。

(6)我绝不跟爸爸的内裤拔河玩。。。尤其是他在上厕所的时候。。。

(7)拿鼻子去拱客人的胯部不是个好的待客之道。

(8)坐在咖啡桌下面的时候，不要突然站起来。

(9)身上的雨水要在还没有进屋前甩干净，不要等到进屋后才甩。

(10)不要一进屋就把屁股拖在地毯上擦。

(11)绝对不要坐在客厅正当中舔屁股。

(12)猫不是个发声玩具。如果我在跟猫玩的时候他突然开始发出吱吱的声音，那绝对不是见好事！

后记：亲爱的上帝：我上天堂以后，你能把我的睾丸还给我吗？

 

Dear God: let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog.

(1) I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it, or after they throw it up

(2) I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell

(3) The Litter Box is not a cookie jar

(4) The sofa is not a face towel

(5) The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff

(6) I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet

(7) Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'

(8) I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table

(9) I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after

(10) I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

(11) I will not site in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch

(12) The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it is usually not a good thing.

 P.S. Dear God, When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

我为奥巴马助选亲身经历

• 奶酪蛋糕的诱惑
• 快枪手老太太
• 红鸭蛋与绿鸭蛋