前不久，收到美国友人阿儿玛发来的两个电子邮件，这位单亲妈妈永远失去了她的爱子萨沙。这些邮件是如此地感人，而所表达的亲情以及对死亡的态度与我们中国人又是如此地不同。感触颇多，故匆匆把它们摘译成中文，并附英文原文如下：
    邮件一 [color=#0066ff]大家好： 萨沙已经永远离开了我。他在我的怀里呼完了他１8年生命的最后一口气。上帝将他带走并为他准备了他的永生之地。我要说的是他最后一天过得非常平静，再没有平时疼痛得撕心裂肺的呼喊。他的姐姐米歇尔靠在床边拉着他的手轻声哼唱着著名百老汇歌剧“歌剧幽灵The Phantom of the Opera”中的插曲。我拉着他的另一只手打着拍子。我们一起平静的送走了他。 上周六晚上，在我动身去参加为萨沙举办的筹款演出前，我告诉他我们有了足够的捐款来支付他的葬礼，他不用为这个担心了。萨沙还给我一个笑脸，告诉我他爱我。他一直坚持到了当晚１２点。当新的一天开始的时候，我试着叫醒他，我告诉他今天是我的生日，睁开眼睛给妈妈一个笑脸祝妈妈生日快乐。他却再也回不来了。我把他抱在怀里同屋里所有人一起唱生日快乐，为我也为他。为我的生日为他的再生之日。我们给他洗了最后一个澡，并且微笑地想像着如他有知觉他会如何抗议我们的举动。萨沙带着微笑走的，在这之后我无数次想起这微笑并且想像着他突然睁开眼睛醒了过来。 我挨着床躺在他身边一直到他们把他带走。 谢谢在这艰难一年中所有人的帮助！ 阿儿玛，2006年7月10日[/color]
    邮件二 [color=#0066ff]大家好： 如果你们要来参加萨沙的葬礼，请注意这不是严格意义上的葬礼。萨沙希望把它办成一个快乐的聚会。希望大家不要身着深色的西装和正装，一切随意。如你或你的孩子喜爱曲棍球，请穿上你们的曲棍球运动服。这是萨沙最喜欢的运动，他希望大家和他一起快快乐乐的渡过这一天。葬礼后我们安排自助餐流水席。如大家愿意请带些吃的喝的以及任何餐盘纸巾等等。 阿儿玛，2006年7月11日[/color] 遗憾的是，因出差我没能参加这个葬礼。
    亲人离去永远是悲痛的。这悲痛又因逝者是青少年而放大十倍，所谓白发人送黑发人。但在西方不知是宗教力量还是民族性格使然，葬礼少了很多悲悲戚戚，而多了不少平静祥和甚至某种幽默某种欢乐，使得丧葬本身充溢着一种令人赏心悦目的唯美风格。 我有多位美国同事因各种原因去世，大家同家属们一道为他们举办了“庆生会”，来宾们争着说有关死者生前各种好笑的事，引来阵阵哄堂大笑，使本来的哀思变成了生命的欢快和涌动。记得还有一次，多年前，好友四个月的儿子去世，虽然身为留学生的父母没有多少钱筹办体面的葬礼，但在大家的帮助下，教堂免费为孩子办了仪式。孩子小小的身体躺在小棺材里，身边填满了软软的五颜六色的毛公仔。葬礼放的是婉约动人的儿童音乐，大人们轻轻吻别孩子，生怕吵醒了他。整个场面温馨简单柔美，没有眼泪，更没有嚎哭，却又令人久久不舍离去。相比之下，这样的送别更让人感动让人怀念。
    西方文化的某种力量真是影响深重，它能把最悲伤的情感化解成一种特别令人感动的充满凝聚力的氛围，让人如同吸入某种安慰剂般的平静和感恩。我想这是对往生者的最好的送别吧。东西丧葬文化本无优劣之分，只要真诚，怎么哀悼都可以理解，但昔日那种假装哭丧，雇人哭丧或强迫哭丧的习俗却是万万不可取的。还是欣赏古代大哲庄子的生死观：地当棺，天当椁，躺于天地之间，是何等的快活！
    注：１、萨沙得的是尤文氏肉瘤，又名网状肉瘤。一种罕见的骨肿瘤。发病年龄多见于青少年，进展迅速且极其疼痛。２、两次筹款演出筹得５千美金，全部用于萨沙的丧葬。在这之前他们全家曾为此烦恼不已，担心无法承担昂贵的丧葬费用。

附英文原文
   7/10/2006 1:14 PM Hello everyone, Sasha is no longer at my side. I held his hand as he took his last breath. They've taken him to prepare him for his eternal rest. I want you all to know that he had a peaceful day and for the first time did not cry out in pain. Michelle was on the bed next to him holding his hand and singing Masquerade" from Phantom of the Opera. I was holding his other hand and Gershim, my eldest son was in the room with us when he took his last breath. Gershim and I administered CPR but we couldn't bring him back. We tried to get him to hold on so my brother and sister could turn around and come back home as they were on their way to get oxygen from the hospital and so his grandma Linda could get there. I told him on Saturday night, on my way to another Improv show, that we had the money for his funeral and he didn't have to worry. He gave me a smile and said he loved me. He waited until 12 midnight and I asked him to open his eyes and give me a smile for my birthday. He never did. But I held him in my arms and sang happy birthday with everyone in the room. For he was reborn somewhere else. We bathed him and laughed joking how he was above yelling "You're not doing it right." He had a soft smile and many times I expected him to open his eyes and say hi. I laid in the bed with him and held him until they took him away. For all that would like to come and join us in our final farewells his viewing will be held on Friday the 14th at 4pm at All Souls Cemetery 4400 Cherry Ave. Long Beach Ca 90807 and the services will be held at 11 am on the 15th followed by a reception all at the same location as the viewing. Thank you all for the many prayers and support that you have given to us in this difficult year. Alma 7/13/06 6:39:22 PM Hello everyone, A side note. As most of you know Sasha and how he is. I forgot to inform everyone that this is not a normal funeral. He wanted it to be a party. So you don't have to worry about wearing a suit or a solid black dress. He wants it to be fun and informal. Also Dana one of the hockey moms is in charge of making arrangements for a pot luck on Saturday. If you'd like to bring a dish please email her as to what you would like to bring. Or if there are paper goods, cups, napkins, forks, coffee, creams sugars what ever you can think of. If your a hockey player he'd like you to wear your hockey jerseys. Alma