恰巧这两样到了翻译里头往往特别容易消失殆尽。以下选段文字就更特别，在小说里头算不得有代表性，是一种略带戏谑却又读来规整的半文言体。

---

鸿渐还在高中读书，随家里作主订了婚。未婚妻并没见面，只瞻仰过一张半身照相，也漠不关心。两年后到北平进大学，第一次经历男女同学的风味。看人家一对对谈情说爱，好不眼红。想起未婚妻高中读了一年书，便不进学校，在家实习家务，等嫁过来做能干媳妇，不由自主地对她厌恨。这样怨命，怨父亲，发了几天呆，忽然醒悟，壮着胆写信到家里要求解约。他国文曾得老子指授，在中学会考考过第二，所以这信文绉绉，没把之乎者也用错。信上说什么：“迩来触绪善感，欢寡愁殷，怀抱剧有秋气。每揽镜自照，神寒形削，清癯非寿者相。窃恐我躬不阅，周女士或将贻误终身。尚望大人垂体下情，善为解铃，毋小不忍而成终天之恨。”他自以为这信措词凄婉，打得动铁石心肠。谁知道父亲快信来痛骂一顿：“吾不惜重资，命汝千里负笈，汝埋头攻读之不暇，而有余闲照镜耶？汝非妇人女子，何须置镜？惟梨园子弟，身为丈夫而对镜顾影，为世所贱。吾不图汝甫离膝下，已濡染恶习，可叹可恨！且父母在，不言老，汝不善体高堂念远之情，以死相吓，丧心不孝，于斯而极！当是汝校男女同学，汝睹色起意，见异思迁；汝托词悲秋，吾知汝实为怀春，难逃老夫洞鉴也。若执迷不悔，吾将停止寄款，命汝休学回家，明年与汝弟同时结婚。细思吾言，慎之切切！” 

（节选自《围城》第一章）

http://s12/mw690/003v5fHJzy7qde4sqEz1b&690

（其实品评译文的时候，建议读者最好先读译文，再折回来读原文，不然在已有的理解基础上再去读译文，好坏褒贬往往都不够客观。）

我记得拿到原文的时候，除了读一读小说里的平行文本，我本能地就去找来Firends中的一段对话：

---

Housekeeper: The Waltham Residence.

Phoebe: Oh, yes, is this..umm..Emily’s parents’ house?

Housekeeper: This is the housekeeper speaking. And by the way, young lady, that is not how one addresses a person on the telephone. First one identifies oneself, and then asks for the person with whom one wishes to speak.

Phoebe: What are you saying?

...

Phoebe: (In a British accent) Hello, this is Phoebe Buffay. I was wondering, please, if..if it’s not too much trouble, please, umm, might I speak with Miss Emily Waltham, please?

Housekeeper: Miss Waltham is at the rehearsal dinner, and it is not polite to make fun of people. Goodbye.

Phoebe: No no no, I’ll be nice, I swear! Could you just give me the number for where they are?

Housekeeper: I’m afraid I’m not at liberty to divulge that information.

...

http://s16/mw690/003v5fHJzy7qde8Vk4v9f&690

（Poor knocked-up Phoebe碰上难缠的老太太啦https://res.wx.qq.com/mpres/htmledition/images/icon/common/emotion_panel/smiley/smiley_13.png?tp=webp&wxfrom=5&wx_lazy=1&wx_co=1）

http://s6/mw690/003v5fHJzy7qdecfADHf5&690

(from Friends S04E24)

*在我看来，美剧里常常把英国人的口音以及高语阈的文字拿出来作为笑料，其实给了我这次选段翻译不少灵感。

那具体又如何来译呢？实在颇费神思。我不信奉什么“信达雅”，或者后现代之后的文化翻译论调，倒是马建忠的“善译”说渐渐被我奉为圭臬。

---

一书到手, 经营反复, 确知其意旨所在, 而又摹写其神情, 仿佛其语气, 然后心悟神解, 振笔而书, 译成之文, 适如其所译而止, 而曾无毫发出入于其间。夫而后, 能使阅者所得之益, 与观原文无异。是则为善译也已。

---

文学翻译最紧要的，还就是要看译者有没有译出原文的“感觉”，即心领神会之后，多次反刍，一气呵成，文通理顺了自然就能达到目标语的彼岸。而在我看来原文的“感觉”既需要从词汇着手，更需要从句式考虑，也就是要注意语言学常提到的一对概念：syntagmatic和paradigmatic，即“横聚合”（句式）和“纵聚合”（词汇）特征。当然，这还是比较静态的考量。我认为，有些老翻译家之所以优秀，就在于他们有的宁愿牺牲一点所谓的“忠实”，不刻意贴着原文去翻，而把自己和人物融为一体，模仿其神情和语气。著名翻译家Tyrwhitt曾说：

---

翻译贵在发幽掘微，穷其毫末。在造词与琢句方面，要译出其文；在性格与风格方面，要译出其人；在褒贬与爱憎方面，要译出其情；在神调与语感方面，要译出其声。

（参见杨衍松，1994： 译序. 尼古拉·瓦西里耶维奇·果戈理．果戈理———俄国散文之父，果戈理短篇小说选）

---

这种大胆可能有些许专断，但写作也好，翻译也罢，在我看来，引起读者共鸣最最顶要，后者可能关系到出版顺利就更需如此。

http://s13/small/003v5fHJzy7qdem7v5y7c&690

珍妮·凯利和茅国权所著译本我很喜欢，自己得空、有心情也拿来练手，但毫厘之间，高下立判，也自觉中译英就需要道行深、文学素养高的老外来做。典籍翻译和中诗外译为什么惨遭（特别是国人）诟病呢，大抵是因为多数译文也只是在做阐释的工作，文体的价值远没有跟上，所以总觉得个别地方仍有拔高的空间。去年文体学课上学到Samuel Johnson一句非常经典的话：Language is the dress of thought. 语言简洁明了是语言的通性，这错不了，但有些话、有些道理，需要披上文体的外衣、凭借隐喻等各类修辞格的加持才能理解深刻，直至深入人心。

唯语言工具论或信息论的人大约会这么反驳，“说话有必要咬文嚼字，说得这样弯弯绕绕吗？”又或者网络非常流行的一句“请说人话！” 但这些人打从心眼里瞧不起的“文饰”从来就没有消失，社会再浮躁也一样有人要阅读文学作品，时不时干一碗“毒”鸡汤。不管是出于提升优越感、显得有文化也好，还是真的为了寻访心灵的绿洲也罢，文体的价值从来就没有减少分毫。下面这段话就属于典型的不“说人话”：

 

---

Mitchell: There’s no denying it is original, but you can see the influence of Pollock. While the pattern seems haphazard and random, it belies a purposefulness, an intentionality. 

Cameron: You know, I think what I’m corresponding to is the clashing juxtaposition of color, the bright yellow against the dark background. It’s a ray of sunshine in an otherwise bleak world.

Manny: If I may take a contrary position, I think it speaks to the absurdity and folly of human endeavor, like our futile struggle for perfection. 

http://s10/mw690/003v5fHJzy7qderlOMF19&690

http://s16/mw690/003v5fHJzy7qder9wdxaf&690

http://s6/mw690/003v5fHJzy7qderxrDf15&690（三个人说了这么一大堆，其实就是在迂回地表达：Alex的衣服上粘上了黄色芥末酱。但不这么矫情, 幽默效果绝对就出不来。）

http://s14/mw690/003v5fHJzy7qdgcr9ZH3d&690

（from Modern Family S05E17)

说起来，近些年似乎特别流行批驳中文“夫子气十足”、“逻辑不够通达晓畅”，其实这是三人成虎、人云亦云的典型案例。每一种语言大约都有不同的修辞习惯，我们的中文恐怕愈是木秀于林了，如朱光潜所说，中文含有一种“丰盈的虚空”特质。但我相信，每一种语言绝对崇尚“文通理顺”。可能是因为国人应试英文接触得多，也可能因为看惯了片汤话、没有内容的套话，于是喜欢像英文那样第一句话就告诉你在说什么，结果反倒养成了一定的思维惰性。实际上英文的官腔文也不少，只是个度的问题罢了。

人们常说，相由心生，文学外译有时候或许需要反其道而行之，在“表面上”做足功夫。当然，这么说已经就是一种悖论，因为文字、文体、文化是有机融为一体的，共同构成活生生的语言，单独拎出来任何一个组成部分来讨论都不太合理。但最紧要的，不必理会、也用不着说“翻译更重要的是翻译文化”，因为文化的因子时隐时现，偶尔也会附着在语言的外壳表面。所以到了英文里头（非“字当句对”式地翻译），一段中文语篇的修辞习惯或者某种“感觉”没有凸显出来，委实难言无憾。

有什么方法呢？很遗憾，办法不多。我越发觉得，译者的灵气、敏锐的感知能力以及深厚的文学素养占了非常大的比例，普通人就是永远在锤炼外语的路上——所以我才敢把自己练习的译文拿出来展示(热烈欢迎各位看官狠狠地吐槽https://res.wx.qq.com/mpres/htmledition/images/icon/common/emotion_panel/smiley/smiley_30.png?tp=webp&wxfrom=5&wx_lazy=1&wx_co=1)。

为了尽量译得像点样子，昨天花了一整天修改上半年完成的译文，同时又把Pride and Prejudice拿出来重读了大半日。当人们说话越来越油腻，越来越没有个性的时候，读点半白半文的东西实在是难得的享受。来看看《傲慢与偏见》的伪男主Mr. Bennet如何不失风度地下逐客令：

---

‘But is there not danger of Lady Catherine’s disapprobation here, my good sir? You had better neglect your relations than run the risk of offending your patroness.’
‘My dear sir,’ replied Mr. Collins,’ I am particularly obliged to you for this friendly caution, and you may depend upon my not taking so material a step without her ladyship’s concurrence.’

‘You cannot be too much upon your guard. Risk anything rather than her displeasure; and if you find it likely to be raised by your coming to us again, which I should think exceedingly probable, stay quietly at home, and be satisfied that WE shall take no offence.’ 

（from Pride and Prejudice Chapter 22)

http://s5/mw690/003v5fHJzy7qdeCvMDG44&690

我估计，现代人不查几个单词很难说理解透彻了，但段落的大意、人物的用意相信读者是非常清楚的，至少对于我这个非母语学习者来讲是这样。回过头来想，大家读文言文不也如此吗？所以我才认为，典籍英译文需要有这种感觉才算是成功的，不然只是阐释过后的大白话，而且还浸淫着大量具有异质性的文化习俗，干瘪至极，可读性会相当低，我不知道这样的翻译除了给专家做文字研究和学生应试之外，还有多少人会作为普通读物拿去鉴赏，汲取异域文化的营养。

跑火车跑够了，回到正题！

来读译文一：

---

   That letter he wrote was replete with pedantry without rudimentary mistakes whatsoever, since his father had coached him personally classical Chinese, and for that reason in middle school he took the second place in the national unified examination. So it went: 

    “Of late mood comes off foulest in me. Joys ebb, woes flow. Concerned I was that youth is passing me by in the prime of my life, evidenced by every time beholding myself in the mirror which reflected a gaunt, withered-looking ephemeron, an image doomed to be short-lived. I am afraid I could tend to myself barely, but if so Miss Zhou’s blossoming days are likely to be held up on my account. Have a little compassion on us both, Father; I could use it as a solace, or this could wind up to be an irrecoverable remorse.”

    Wrought with touching pathos, he calculated, the letter should move a heart of stone. Instead his father wrote back quite a few lines of scolding immediately:

   “I financed you, no matter what, to go all the way up there for scholarship, and you, are supposed to study undistracted. So, is this how you repay me, boy, by spending the entire day in front of the reflecting glass like some maid? Unless he plays in the theatre, mirror is no place for a proper man—what a disgrace! Little I anticipated you scarcely even stepped away from home when you picked up all these indecencies. Alas! It is exceedingly short of deference to say “short-lived” when your folks are still healthy and alive, plus, missing you dearly from afar; you, aside from it, actually threatened us—with death! You have failed your filial duties that befit a son, the biggest of all kinds! Nonetheless, as I take it, there must be some one else you encountered at school, given the age you are at, that tickled you to cast aside your betrothed and fabricate this cover-up. While you mentioned youth is passing you by, I can safely say youth is getting the best of you. How can your little tricks be ever effectual in front of your old man The Shrewd? If you do insist on not coming to your senses, I will definitely cut you off financially and have you drop out of school, and as such you and your younger brother are both executing your matrimony next year. Think twice and act wise!”  

（Trans. by Issac Yan）

---

（这次译文除了模仿说话人的口吻，个人的宗旨就是写好不失规范的“伪文言”，极力给读者制造一种“不明觉厉”的幻觉。）

来读译文二：

---

    (Then suddenly he woke up, and mustering his courage,) he wrote a letter home asking for release from the engagement. Since he had received his father’s guidance in literary composition and placed second in the high school general examination, his letter was couched in an elegant style without incorrectly using any of the various particles of literary Chinese. The letter went something like this: “I have of late been very restless and fitful, experiencing little joy and much grief. A feeling of ‘autumnal melancholy’ has suddenly possessed me, and every time I look into the mirror at my own reflection, so gaunt and dispirited, I feel it is not the face of one destined for longevity. I’m afraid my body can’t hold up much longer, and I may be the cause of a lifetime of regret for Miss Chou. I hope you, Father, will extend to me your understandings and sympathy and tactfully sever the ties that bind. Do not get angry and reject my plea and thus help bring me everlasting woe.” Since he felt the wording of the letter was sad and entreating enough to move a heart of stone, he was quite unprepared for the express letter which came from his father. It gave him a severe scolding: “I did not begrudge the expense of sending you hundreds of miles away to study. If you devoted yourself to your studies as you should, would you still have the leisure to look in a mirror? You are not a woman, so what need do you have of a mirror? That sort of thing is for actors only. A real man who gazes at himself in the mirror will only be scorned by society. Never had I thought once you parted from me that you would pick up such base habits. Most deplorable and disgusting! Moreover, it is said that “When one’s parents are still living, a son should not speak of getting old.” You have no consideration for your parents, who hold you dearly in their hearts, but frighten them with the talk of death. This is certainly neglect of filial duties to the extreme! It can only be the result of your attending a coeducational school—seeing women around has put ideas in your head. The sight of girls has made you think of change. Though you make excuses about “autumnal melancholy,” I know full well that what ails you are the “yearnings of spring-time.” Nothing can escape this old-timer’s sharp eye. If you carry on with this foolishness, I will cut off your funds and order you to discontinue your studies and return home. Next year you will get married at the same time as your brother. Give careful thought to my words and take them to heart.”

(Trans. by Jeanne Kelly and Nathan K. Mao)

 

---

平心而论，译文二读来一气呵成不消说，表达能力也明显要成熟很多，首先是语言绝对正确，其次是风格、内容、节奏把握存乎一心，这便是母语人士的优势。除此之外，还有明显的区别：从内容上，我的译文算是编译了，意译和自我阐释的成分比较多，因为我尽量在模仿人物说话；从形式上，我胆子还是比较大的——原文段落奇长无比，见过的英文小说段落好像多相对短小清奇，加上再好的译文相比原文都会比较晦涩，难免欠些自然流畅，所以我根据原文的意群擅自切分成了若干个段落，但译文二就比较尊重原文的形式选择，我觉得他们有这个能力和自信。

值得一提的是，我知道很多人都有出于保护和赞美母语的本能，但是每次读完中译英的文章，还是尽量不要一股脑地脱口而出，抒发感叹：还是中文博大精深啊！说句不知深浅的话——这恐怕是因为没有同等优秀的母语译者，所以作出如上这样的判断难免有些偏颇。维多利亚时代前后的原版小说，语言虽华美异常，但体例规范。说什么话、使用什么语阈(register)最能看出一个人的身份地位，放在今天，要认真阅读和交流起来也不成问题。所以用那样的语体去翻译半文言体，我觉得还比较合适。如果要说”两个世纪之前的语言拿出来，没人愿意看”，说这种话的人要么就是当地人没受过什么高等教育，要么就是你我自身英文水平还差得远。

相形之下，英译中的经典译作是何等精良，超过原作的例子不胜枚举。这之间因素有许多，比如一个国家的综合实力、国民外文和眼界水平等等。当这些问题都不是问题了，译入和译出间的逆差或许能不断减小吧。

http://s14/mw690/003v5fHJzy7qdeDWPaR8d&690

（老头子爱真理，更爱老婆）

综上，我的译文虽为练习所做，实出于对偶像钱鐘书的疯狂迷恋，颇有些自娱自乐的意思，水平有限，指证难免有误。很多道理可以说得轻巧，但是真正落到实处，写上几篇、译几段文字，旁人一看就会意味深长地笑出来。译文二的文字之精炼、处理之娴熟值得我们学生模仿，左不过吹毛求疵的我以为，文风层面还有拔高的可能。

 

二零一八年 冬至日 深夜