我们每天都在对话，当然你会觉得随着手机的运用，我们更多会选择发送文字信息，而不是拿起电话或者面对面的沟通。日常工作时，我很喜欢观察家长与学生之间的对话。你有时会听到这种类似的对话：

妈妈：你待会就把这件事情做了

学生：我今晚要去参加同学聚会

妈妈：都什么时候还要参加聚会？什么时候你才让人省心啊？

学生：你不懂 

但当你听完Celeste Headlee的这个演讲后，你会重新审视自己的对话习惯。点击Celeste Ted演讲。

讲者Celeste对以往我们认为经典的标准嗤之以鼻，例如，说话的时候注视对方的眼睛，提前想出有趣的话题，在对话中点头、微笑以表示自己专注对方的讲话，重复或者归纳对方的重点等等，她认为这些都无用。用她的话就是There is no reason to learn how to show you're paying attention if you are in fact paying attention。于是她用她的专业经验给大家传授了十点建议。为了证明她的专业经验足够做这个演讲，我搜了一下她的背景供大家参考：

http://s15/mw690/003jzaiFgy6ZFCkHcXc6e&690Headlee:10 ways to have a better conversation" TITLE="（原创）推荐Ted演讲:有效对话的十条建议Celeste Headlee:10 ways to have a better conversation" />

Celeste Headlee (born December 30, 1969) is the host of the Georgia Public Broadcasting program "On Second Thought."^[1] She has previously been the co-host of the national morning news show The Takeaway, from Public Radio International and WNYC. Before joining fellow host John Hockenberry in 2009, she was the Midwest Correspondent for NPR’s Day to Day and the host of a weekly show on Detroit Public Radio.

（Celseste 的背景介绍来自维基百科：https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Celeste_Headlee） 

下面的就是她的有效对话十条：

Number one: Don't multitask. 专注话题，不要想东想西

Number two: Don't pontificate. If you want to state your opinion without any opportunity for response or argument or pushback or growth, write a blog. 不要自以为是。和你对话的人永远可以让你学到东西，Bill Nye: "Everyone you will ever meet knows something that you don't." 

Number three: Use open-ended questions. 

Number four: Go with the flow. Stories and ideas are going to come to you. You need to let them come and let them go. 她举例在一些采访中，主持人问了一个问题，但其实嘉宾才刚刚解释过，这就是因为主持人其实停止倾听了一两分钟。

Number five: If you don't know, say that you don't know. 不要不懂装懂，这个很重要，可惜太多人做不到。

Number six: Don't equate your experience with theirs. 这一段我不是很赞同，她说If they're talking about having lost a family member, don't start talking about the time you lost a family member. If they're talking about the trouble they're having at work, don't tell them about how much you hate your job. It's not the same. It is never the same. All experiences are individual. And, more importantly, it is not about you. You don't need to take that moment to prove how amazing you are or how much you've suffered. 当虽然每个人的经历不同，但有时候情感是相通的。有时对话的目的除了沟通，还会有缓解压力的作用，如果遇到这类对话，对方说一个我之前遇到过的困境，我为什么不能用我之前发生的经历来进行交流讨论呢？

Number seven: Try not to repeat yourself. 勿当复读机。

Number eight: Stay out of the weeds. 抓大放小。Frankly, people don't care about the years, the names, the dates, all those details that you're struggling to come up with in your mind. They don't care. What they care about is you. They care about what you're like, what you have in common. So forget the details. Leave them out.

Number nine: This is not the last one, but it is the most important one. Listen. 倾听

One more rule, number 10, and it's this one: Be brief. 简洁，她用她姐姐的一句话做了解释，这句话相当的有趣！[A good conversation is like a miniskirt; short enough to retain interest, but long enough to cover the subject. -- My Sister]

演讲最后，她还提到她有一对非常出名的祖父母，处于好奇，我又去查了一下她的祖父母：

她祖父叫：William Grant Still，是美国有名的非裔作曲家

http://s10/mw690/003jzaiFgy6ZFCYY5y939&690Headlee:10 ways to have a better conversation" TITLE="（原创）推荐Ted演讲:有效对话的十条建议Celeste Headlee:10 ways to have a better conversation" />

William Grant Still (May 11, 1895 – December 3, 1978) was an African-American classical composer who wrote more than 150 compositions; his works were performed internationally by major orchestras as well as in the United States. 

（William的介绍和图片来自维基百科：https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Grant_Still）