鲍勃叔叔的故事

鸭绒25（译）

2024年1月20日

老师给5年级的学生布置了一项作业。让他们的父母给他们讲一个故事。故事的结尾要有寓意。

第二天，孩子们回到教室，一个接一个地开始讲他们的故事。

凯西说：“我父亲是一个农民。我们有很多蛋鸡。有一次，我们把鸡蛋放在皮卡车前排座位上的篮子里去市场。突然，我们的车子在路上发生了一个颠簸。所有的鸡蛋都飞了起来，碎了。弄得车里一塌糊涂。”

“这个故事的寓意是什么？”老师问道。

“不要把所有的鸡蛋放在一个篮子里！”

“很好。”老师说，“下一位，露西？”

“我们家也是农民。但我们养的是肉鸡供应市场。有一次，我们有12个鸡蛋，却只孵化出10只小鸡。这个故事的寓意是，在孵化出来之前不要确定鸡的数字。”

“露西。这是一个很好的故事。约翰尼，你有故事要分享吗？”

“是的，老师。我爸爸告诉我一个关于我叔叔鲍勃的故事。鲍勃叔叔在越南是一个绿色贝雷帽，他的直升机被击中。他不得不坠毁在敌人的领土上。他只有1瓶威士忌，1挺机枪，和一把大砍刀。他在降落之前喝光了威士忌。这样威士忌瓶就不会被打碎。然后，他正好降落在100名敌军的中间。他用机关枪杀死了其中的70人，直到子弹用完。他用大砍刀又杀了20个人，直到刀片折断。接着，他赤手空拳杀死了最后10个人。”

“天哪。”受到惊吓的老师说，“你爸爸从那个可怕的故事中告诉你什么寓意？”

“鲍勃叔叔喝酒的时候，千万别惹他。”

原文： The Story of Uncle Bob

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment：get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it。

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories。

Kathy said：“My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens。One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess。”

“And what's the moral of the story？”asked the teacher。

“Don't put all your eggs in one basket！”

“Very good。”said the teacher，“Now，Lucy？”

“Our family are farmers too。But we raise chickens for the meat market。We had a dozen eggs one time，but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks。And the moral to this story is，don't count your chickens until they're hatched。”

“That was a fine story Lucy。Johnny do you have a story to share？”

“Yes，ma'am，my daddy told me this story about my uncle Bob。Uncle Bob was a Green Beret in Vietnam and his helicopter got hit。He had to crash land in enemy territory and all he had was a bottle of whiskey，a machine gun and a machete。He drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then he landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops。He killed seventy of them with the machine gun until he ran out of bullets，then he killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke and then he killed the last ten with his bare hands。”

“Good heavens。”said the horrified teacher，“What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story？”

“Don't fuck with Uncle Bob when he's been drinking。”