考研英语真题2009年话题作文——网络的“近”与“远”

http://s10/middle/8f3d1a49hee118a3b9ae9&690

①As is vividly depicted in the picture, innumerable people are separated by several small partition liking spider web. ②The distance between their rooms is such short that all they can communicate with each other face to face. ③Nevertheless, they are not and absorbed in online.

①The idea conveyed by the though-provoking drawing is apparent: anything has two sides. ②It is no doubt that internet provide several people---youngers and olders to make more of friends all over the world. ③Meanwhile, internet make workers doing work more efficiently and enhance human beings entertainments’ level. ③However , this tendency may lead to some imaginable things. ④People become in fluently tack with their family and friends and their heath come down gradually.

①Therefore, it is high time that we appealed to talk with each other face-to-face. ②Only in this way can our life filled with really communication and veridical gladness.

【范文点评】

首段描述漫画内容：网络在无形中拉远了人与人的距离。

①句partition使用复数形式。

②句将“距离”改为“空间”更为准确：The space of their rooms are so small that…。

③句谓语动词应与②句保持一致，将they are not改为they do not，将online改为the internet。

二段将漫画与现实相结合：凡事都有两面性，人们在通过网络使自己的生活和工作丰富多彩、高效便捷之时，也被网络拉开了与他人家的感情，并影响了身体健康。

②句中internet加定冠词the修饰。provide加间接宾语opportunity，使句子成分完整。several改为many，符合现实情况和文章想传达的意思。去掉多余介词of。因此这句话应改为：… that the internet provides many people---youngers and olders an opportunity to make more friends all over the world。

③句make使用单三形式。workers专指工人之意，缩小了表述的范围，应改为people。enhance human beings entertainments’ level属于汉语思维表达，改为makes our entertainment condition advanced grreatly.

④句in fluently tack with表意不明，而且这里若表示肯定意思，则与前文描述相矛盾。Come down用来表示患病，病倒时主语是人，而不能用“健康”，因此这里替换为…and they may come down gradually。

末段呼吁人们重视面对面的真实交流，回到充实的世界和快乐中来。

①appeal使用一般现在时，与整篇文章时态保持一致。

②句fill与①句问题相同，really改为real，修饰名词communication。

【整体点评】

作文理解了漫画内涵，段落框架明确，大体上与题目要求保持一致，但是在表达上还存在一定问题。从点评中可以看出作文中有一些表述不当之处，基本是由汉语思维习惯而造成的表达错误，主要体现在词汇使用和搭配不当，句子成分缺失混乱，同时也有一些时态和前后一致等细节问题，因此在使用《写作160篇》的过程中可以先模仿比较经典实用的模板句型和长句，在积累运用好的写作素材的同时也培养起自己正确良好的语感，避免汉语思维造成的句式错误。

由于近期作文修改量加大，给广大读者朋友们的回复有适度的延后，在此我们表示诚挚的歉意！我们会在保证质量的前提下尽力及时给大家回复的，敬请见谅！

考研1号客服部