【写作原文】

考研英语真题彻底细解《考研真相》之2006年考研英语真题

“偶像崇拜”话题读者写作练习

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We can see two photoes, one of which describes a man with 'Beckham' on his face, the other showing a person who is cutting a hair style similiar to that of Beckham.
       From the photoes we can conclude that many people are crazily admiring the football star: Beckham, and some of them express their affections even in extreme ways. In fact, there are evidents everywhere in our society to verify my verdict. We can see teenagers dressed like Beckham in streets. The number of fans of England football team soars, more and more peaple beginning to attach importance to England football team matches just for their idol. These phenomenon reflects a more profound character of our society: omnipresent idol worship. The unfortunate thing is that someone goes to such an extent that they are intoxicated in pursuing their idols, ignoring their own development.
      In my opinion, proper woship of idols is a benefitial thing, for we can take in the factors that lead to idols' success. However, undue admiration wastes our time and fortune, thus handicaping our improvement of ourselves. What's worse, we are at critical juncture of building our own opinions of life and the world, so we may stumble into a wrong way because of our craze behaviours.

Directions:

1.      describe the photos briefly

2.      interpret the social phenomenon reflected by them, and

3.      give your points of view

【范文点评】

【第一段点评】

We can see two photoes, one of which describes a man with 'Beckham' on his face, the other showing a person who is cutting a hair style similiar to that of Beckham.

首段根据directions的第一条，描述图画基本信息。看似一句话，但是语法有些错误。首先photo的复数表达错误，正确的应该是photos, one of which作为非限定性定语从句，修饰photos，关于另外一幅图画的描述，可以使用连词while进行引导。建议该句可以写成：Here we can see two photos, one of which describes a man with ‘Beckham’ on his face, while the other of which showing a person who is cutting a hair style similiar to that of Beckham.

【第二段点评】

  ①From the photoes we can conclude that many people are crazily admiring the football star: Beckham, and some of them express their affections even in extreme ways. ②In fact, there are evidents everywhere in our society to verify my verdict. ③We can see teenagers dressed like Beckham in streets. ④The number of fans of England football team soars, more and more peaple beginning to attach importance to England football team matches just for their idol. ⑤These phenomenon reflects a more profound character of our society: omnipresent idol worship. ⑥The unfortunate thing is that someone goes to such an extent that they are intoxicated in pursuing their idols, ignoring their own development.

第二段根据directions的第二条，论述图画现象所表现的社会意义。

①句：承接第一段，指出相关的社会现象。

photoes名词复数错误，请参照第一段点评。affections意思是爱情，而affection表示喜爱，钟爱的意思，是不可数名词，所以正确的表达应该是express their affection。

②句对①句的评价。

③④句就这一社会现象进行具体描述。

④句：句首the number of 搭配错误，the number of是……的数量的意思，而文章需要表达的是“许多的”，因此应改为a number of。Peaple拼写错误，④句是两个并列的语句，建议在第二个语句前面加上一个并列连词and，足球比赛football matches即可，team是多余的，for作为介词，在该句中表达追逐他们所崇拜的偶像，感觉力度不够，建议在其后添加一个动词adore，因此第④句完整的表达即是：A number of fans of England football team soars, and more and more people are beginning to attach importance to England football matches just for adoring their idols.

   ⑤句对上述这些社会追星现象予以总结，得出观点。character在表示特征意思的时候，指的是“all the qualities and features that make a person, groups of people, and places different from others”，侧重于表达不同于他人的特点，而该句主要是说一个社会特征是什么，建议改为characteristic，该词的意思是“a typical feature or quality that sth./sb. has”，侧重于表达，一个人或事物所有的特征是什么。

⑥句针对⑤句指出了其导致相应结果，忽视了自身发展。

【第三段点评】

①In my opinion, proper woship of idols is a benefitial thing, for we can take in the factors that lead to idols' success. ②However, undue admiration wastes our time and fortune, thus handicaping our improvement of ourselves. ③What's worse, we are at critical juncture of building our own opinions of life and the world, so we may stumble into a wrong way because of our craze behaviours.

   第三段根据directions的第三条，给出了自己的观点建议。

   ①句：表明个人观点，适度的崇拜偶像会给我们带来益处。woship拼写错误。a benefitial thing表达冗余，直接是is beneficial。

   ②句：however转折，表达过度崇拜偶像会带来一些不好的负面效果。our improvement of ourselves重复表达，应该改为the development of ourselves。

③句：craze有动词或名词的用法，此处使用不当，正确的表达应该是其形容词形式crazy。so和because of表达重复，造成句意不通，该句想要表达的是“更糟糕的是，由于我们正处在自我人生观、世界观形成的关键时期，如果我们不适当控制自己的疯狂行为，则有可能误入歧途。”，建议改为

What's worse, for we are at critical juncture of building our own opinions of life and the world, we may stumble into a wrong way if we keep our crazy behaviours active.

【整体点评】

文章对漫画的内涵把握到位，整体框架结构明确清晰，在词汇词组和句式的使用上也富有变化，体现了作者一定的思考能力和语言运用能力，但在以下几个方面仍需要注意：

1. 细节问题：拼写错误，有4处。

2.有些词汇和句式的搭配欠妥，名词形容词误用3处，固定搭配错误1处，复数名词意义使用错误1处，语义重复表达有4处。

综上所述，在写作时一定要养成检查的好习惯，对单词拼写、段落的框架、词汇的使用、句子的逻辑性和前后关系都要仔细检查，从中尽可能多的消灭掉错误，避免不必要的失分。若要提高句子和整个文章的质量，还是要多进行写作练习。在使用《写作160篇》的过程中，注重从经典必备中积累掌握好词好句的用法，在重点预测中除了写作素材的积累，还要加强对话题的思考，拓展自己的思维，从思想上提高作文的含金量。

一定要养成写作初稿完成之后，再自我仔细认真的检查的良好写作习惯。检查之后，再发送给我们的编辑人员进行修改。

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