【写作原文】

（3）2005年真题作文

【写作原文】

考研英语话题图画作文《考研真相》历年考研英语真题彻底细解

之“2005年英语真题作文养老足球赛”话题读者写作练习

http://s16/middle/8f3d1a49hb01bfd4e3caf&690

As is vividly depicted in the picture, four persons are playing a dramatic football game, in which the old father is regarded as the ball by his three sons and a daughter and is kicked far away within them. Anyone of them wouldn’t hope their father kicked into the door behind them each other.

The idea conveyed in the picture is apparent: compared with the past years , young people become more reluctant to support their old parents in today’s china. The life quality level’s rapidly enhanced contribute to that young people would rather expend plenty of time enjoying entertainment than company. In young person’s sight, living with old parents may be waste their more time and energy. Therefore, rejecting undertake the obligation of old people are so common in today’s era.

The families and society should make join effort to prevent this situation. Laws and regulations, most importantly the relevant provisions of old-age laws, should be established and strengthen to alter young person’s unmoral behaviors. Besides, the families should realize that obligation to provide old-age is the excellent tradition in china from ancient times to modern days. Only when we act on our obligation to provide our parents can our country turn into a nicer and more harmonic society.

【范文点评】

【第一段点评】

①As is vividly depicted in the picture, four persons are playing a dramatic football game, in which the old father is regarded as the ball by his three sons and a daughter and is kicked far away within them. ②Anyone of them wouldn’t hope their father kicked into the door behind them each other.

第一段：描述图画的基本信息，符合 directions的第一条。

①句描述图画中的信息，即儿女们在上演一场养老的足球赛，图中的老人被儿女们视为足球一样踢来踢去。在对图画进行描述时，语言要简明扼要。in which非限定性定语从句中的regard和kick这两个动作的执行者都是his three sons and a daughter，所以句子建议改为：in which the old father is regarded as a ball and kicked by his three sons and a daughter.

②句说“儿女们像守门员一样不让父亲进自己的家门”，hope之后是一个省略that的宾语从句，从句的主语their father和谓语动词 kick之间是动宾关系，故此处语法错误，应改为been kicked；each other意为“相互，彼此”，用在此处搭配不当，应删除。

【第二段点评】

①The idea conveyed in the picture is apparent: compared with the past years , young people become more reluctant to support their old parents in today’s china. ②The life quality level’s rapidly enhanced contribute to that young people would rather expend plenty of time enjoying entertainment than company. ③In young person’s sight, living with old parents may be waste their more time and energy. ④Therefore, rejecting undertake the obligation of old people are so common in today’s era.

第二段：阐述图画的深层含义，指出中国养老存在问题。

①句承上启下，指出当前的中国有越来越多的年轻人不愿意赡养老人，引出下文将要讨论的“养老问题”。注意China的第一个字母要大写。

②句汉语汉语思维明显，句子啰嗦，表意不明，建议改为：With the improvement of people's living standard…expand表示“花费(金钱、时间、精力等)”，一般和on连用。

③说明年轻人不愿赡养老人的原因。此处的living with old parents和waste是主谓关系，所以be要去掉；more表示更多的时间，含比较的意思，根据上文，此处只是说会浪费他们一些时间，不含比较的意思，所以此处用much。

④总结第二段的观点，“养老问题是普遍存在的”，动名词短语做主语，此处的谓语动词要用单数is。

【第三段点评】

①The families and society should make join effort to prevent this situation. ② Laws and regulations, most importantly the relevant provisions of old-age laws, should be established and strengthen to alter young person’s unmoral behaviors. ③Besides, the families should realize that obligation to provide old-age is the excellent tradition in china from ancient times to modern days. ④Only when we act on our obligation to provide our parents can our country turn into a nicer and more harmonic society.

    第三段：结合前文的阐述，给出自己的建议，符合diections的第三条。

①句joint拼写错误。此处也可以用hang together来表示“团结一致”的意思。句子可以改为：The families and society should hang together to prevent this situation.

②指出可以通过制定和加强相关的法律条文来改变我国的养老现状。strengthen应与establish保持一致，都是被动语态。

③要求年轻人认识到赡养老人是中国自古以来的优秀传统。China的首字母要大写。

④总结全文，只有我们尽到自己的养老义务，我们的社会才会更加和谐，更加美好。act on表示“对…起作用；按照…行事”，和obligation搭配不当，可换为undertake。注意句子前面说的是country，后面获得是society，前后矛盾，建议改为：can our country turn into a nicer and more harmonic one.

【整体点评】

本文能够根据所给的图画准确地提炼出主题，并围绕“养老”这一主题展开论述。文章的整体结构明确清晰，段落之间的逻辑关系紧密，展现出作者一定的立意，谋篇和行文的能力。

但在以下几个方面仍需要注意：

1.细节问题。作文中有几处词性、单复数、大小写等比较明显的细节错误。

2.有些词汇和句式的搭配欠妥，有语法上的错误，还需仔细斟酌。

综上，在写作时一定要养成检查的好习惯，不仅要检查单词拼写，大小写，单复数等之类的细节问题，还要对一些词汇的搭配仔细斟酌，避免出现搭配不当和句意不通的现象。

在使用《写作160篇》的过程中，注重从经典必备中积累掌握好词好句的用法，在重点预测中除了写作素材的积累，还要加强对话题的思考，拓展自己的思维，从思想上提高作文的含金量。

考研1号图书客服部