“有氧读写”课程第二期的第一篇叙事文A Wild Ride，孩子们一共写了四稿。第一稿放开写，要把故事写出来；第二稿讲遣词，尤其是动词；第三稿讲如何写复杂句；第四稿将如何写生动句。

孩子们的作文一点一点在进步，而且反映在了Writing Roadmap的系统评分中，每次的平均成绩都在提高。但是到了第四稿，平均分降了0.5，绝大多数孩子都发现要么成绩和第三稿一样，要么出现的了退步，怎么改也是这成绩。

    受到“打击”的他们今天来上课，我揭开了这个秘密：前三稿我在系统中设定的是美国本土小学3~4年级的写作标准评分，而到了第四稿，我悄悄地把评估标准更改为了美国本土小学5~6年级，也就是有氧读写班全部孩子的真实年龄段。换句话说，这一稿孩子们是在和英语是母语的美国同龄孩子大比拼。所以这样的结果不奇怪，毕竟英语对我的这些孩子们来说是外语，能够达到3分以上（满分是5分）就是好样的，更何况还有9个孩子六个维度的成绩有部分达到了4.2分或以上，其中有1个孩子还取得了三个满分。

    课程最后与家长沟通的黄金五分钟开始前，Peter高声说道，曹老师要替我们伸冤呀！原来，他第四稿努力修改，但成绩却没有变化，结果挨了爸妈的说。现在，知道了真相，第三稿和第四稿成绩相同的他其实是进了一大步，这回轮到爸爸妈妈为他骄傲了。

    我对爸爸妈妈们说，4.0分和以上的学生在叙事文的写作上可以说到头了，因为他们的英语写作水平已经和英语是母语的同龄美国孩子有一拼了，我和孩子可能都没有本事再超越了，因为英语写作拼的不光是语言，还有认知水平。所以现在我们开始“转战”描述文和议论文了。

    下面是一些孩子运用生动句和复杂句的写作手法写出的样板句，与大家分享。

1.        (Amber) It was crazier than the first attack and the poor boat broke.

2.        (Amber) "I don't want to be eaten by an ugly fish!" Ant thought sadly. He swam as fast as he could. The fish was swimming after him. It got closer and closer, and......

3.        (Amber) Ant held on to a flower at the bank. One of his feet was in the fish's mouth. Ant felt nervous. What could he do? Died in the fish's smelly stomach?

4.        (Bill) ''What's the matter?'' yelled Tiger. ''We are doomed!'' Cat said loudly than ever.

5.        (Bill) The fish was so heavy that the plane would fall down.

6.        (Connie) Tiger saw a half plastic bottle which was big enough to hold them.

7.        (Connie) But the fish still swam around the bottle, watching and thinking.

8.        (Connie) The fish which had big eyes, a big mouth with lots of sharp teeth looked very terrifying and it glared at the children angrily.

9.        (Fred) Seeing the wood, Ant got an idea.

10.    (Fred) Ant said in a weak voice.

11.    (Fred) The wood was very as slippery as an eel.

12.    (Joy) They looked around carefully but they only saw their reflections on the surface of the pond which was calm as a mirror (a toad in the sun)

13.    (Joy) Suddenly, they heard FOOTSTEPS which made them feel scared more than ever.

14.    (Joy) Going through innumerable hardships, the four micro-friends got together again.

15.    (Nancy) Then he picked up the pencils as quickly as possible and threw the pencils to the fish..

16.    (Nancy) Max looked around, hoping to find some string.

17.    (Peter) "I think we need a bigger raft," suggested Cat. "Even if we had a bigger raft, the big fish would attack us," said Max.

18.    (Scott) It swam around the island where Ant stood, watching and waiting...

19.    (Sunny Qiu) Cat looked out across the pond which was as big as an ocean.

20.    (Tina) This was a special fish who could speak English well.

21.    (Vincent) What even more frightening was the shadow was swimming toward him. He was too nervous to move.

22.    (Vincent) Max, Cat and Tiger raced into the pond courageously to rescue Ant.

23.    (Anna) Just then, Max saw some pigeons which gave him a great idea.

24.    (Anna) Max pointed at the pigeon with pride on his face.

25.    (Judy) "This is an exciting adventure I have ever been!"

26.    (Rachel) Tiger commented on Cat's stupid idea sarcastically.

27.    (Rachel) It looked like a person, because it was standing on the ground; but it also looked like a fish, because this monster  had a tail of fish.

28.    (Rachel) Max tried his best to make his voice as calm as he could.

29.    (Rachel) "You are the first person I've met who is not afraid of me,"

30.    (Carol) The huge shadow was swimming to the island and it climbed up on to the shore slowly. It was a big CRAB! It was as huge as a baby elephant!