我的心安息在神的怀里，就像这只小猫。

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当我一点一点信靠这位永不改变的天父
当我一步一步顺服他那无法以人心测度的旨意
我的心，在很深的地方，找到安全
剥夺掉一切的时候，我不再害怕失去
就像脸上的帕子被揭去
却发现——
面对面亲眼见他脸上容光，美丽非凡，何等静谧的奥秘……

最近一年，神在我生命里剥洋葱，他让我放下心中所爱，一层又一层。每次靠着他的恩典放下之后，他又拈起另一样东西，看着我就爱我，说：“这个也放下好不好？” 有时候觉得已经被剥夺空了，可是稍稍喘歇之后，爱我的主再次注视我：“孩子，更加属我好么？” 我知道，还要放下，放下，放下。

 

 

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"We shall now have a full definition of faith if we say that it is a firm and sure knowledge
of the divine favor toward us, founded on the truth of a free promise in Christ, and revealed to our minds, and sealed on our hearts, by the Holy Spirit." (John Calvin, Institutes.)

 

"We are never wholly at the mercy of other people – they are only ‘second cause’ and no matter how many second or third or fifth causes seem to be in control of what happens to us, it is God who is in charge, He who holds the keys, He who casts the lot finally into the lap. Trusting Him, then, requires that I leave some things to be decided by others." (Elisabeth Elliot, Passion and Purity)

 

神最近一直在教导我信心的功课。信心，基于对他更多更深的认识。这样的认识，使“放手”逐渐失去那可怕的威势，而成为我生命中的祝福。

 

09月 25, 2006

 

已经是好几遍了。这次是为了写电影课的论文。震撼一点儿也没减少。结尾最后一个镜头，Julie流泪了，终于，在整部影片中，离开医院后，唯一一次，能够流泪了。先前当她问Marie: "Why are you crying?" Marie回答她：“Because you’re not…” 她要逃离回忆，逃离感觉，逃离现实…… 却逃进恩典里。再次活过来，是从能够流泪开始。多少次当我失去的时候，心中的绝望感也是那样拽着我要头也不回地逃离一切，硬着心消失掉，可我知道，当我终于可以留在原地静静流泪的时候，我的心，就已经踏上爱的道路了。结尾是Julie和Olivier完成的那部作品，歌词是林前13章—— 信、望、Agape…… Julie说，希腊文有独特的韵律……

那天跟L说，其实女兵才是最浪漫的。
在硝烟弥漫的战地医院里，她们最勇敢最温柔。

今天起来，很深很深的疲倦。
求神的恩典托住我，这一刻，这一天。
心底最塌实的那块地方，却有很深很深的安息。
知道他已在一切事上掌权。他的国度，他的荣耀。

【诗25:3】凡等候你的必不羞愧。
【诗25:5】 求你以你的真理引导我，教训我。因为你是救我的神。我终日等候你。
【诗25:21】 愿纯全正直保守我，因为我等候你。
【诗27:14】 要等候耶和华。当壮胆，坚固你的心。我再说，要等候耶和华。
【诗33:20】 我们的心向来等候耶和华。他是我们的帮助，我们的盾牌。
【诗37:7】 你当默然倚靠耶和华，耐性等候他。
【诗37:9】 惟有等候耶和华的，必承受地土。
【诗37:34】 你当等候耶和华，遵守他的道。
【诗40:1】 我曾耐性等候耶和华。他垂听我的呼求。
【诗62:1】 我的心默默无声，专等候神。我的救恩是从他而来。
【诗62:5】 我的心哪，你当默默无声，专等候神。因为我的盼望是从他而来。
【诗65:1】 神啊，锡安的人都等候赞美你。
【诗69:3】 我因呼求困乏，喉咙发干。我因等候神，眼睛失明。
【诗69:6】 万军的主耶和华阿，求你叫那等候你的，不要因我蒙羞。
【诗130:5】 我等候耶和华，我的心等候。我也仰望他的话。
【诗130:6】 我的心等候主，胜于守夜的等候天亮。
【赛33:2】 耶和华啊，求你施恩于我们。我们等候你。求你每早晨作我们的膀臂。
【赛40:31】 但那等候耶和华的，必从新得力，他们必如鹰展翅上腾。
【哀3:25】 凡等候耶和华，心里寻求他的，耶和华必施恩给他。
【哀3:26】 人仰望耶和华，静默等候他的救恩，这原是好的。
【但12:13】 你且去等候结局，因为你必安歇。到了末期，你必起来，享受你的福分。
【何12:6】 所以你当归向你的神，谨守仁爱，公平，常常等候你的神。
【罗8:25】 但我们若盼望那所不见的，就必忍耐等候。
【来11:10】 因为他等候那座有根基的城，就是神所经营所建造的。
【雅5:7】 看哪，农夫忍耐等候地里宝贵的出产，直到得了秋雨春雨。
【启21:2】 我又看见圣城新耶路撒冷由神那里从天而降，预备好了，就如新妇妆饰整齐，等候丈夫。

To those happy and not-so-happy singles in the Lord.

I read a little sister’s blog today and somehow felt her heartbeat. So I typed out this poem for her and also for those who share the same feelings. This poem is given by my dearest big sister years ago when I was deeply sad and disappointed with the fact that I’m a lonely single girl. But today I realize how the Lord has strengthened & satisfied my heart and brought me into a rich & intimate relationship with Him during my single years. One day I might become a happy wife to someone whom the Lord loves. I’ll answer God’s call to love my husband and help him to fulfill his destiny. But tonight, I’m proudly saying that I am a happy single girl and Jesus’ deep love satisfies my heart like new wine. He is sweet, gentle, and beautiful, worthy of my best love…

 

Share this poem with you:

Everyone Longs To

 

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone;

To have a deep-soul relationship with another;

To be loved thoroughly and exclusively.

But God, to a Christian, says,

"No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content

With being loved by Me alone;

With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me;

With having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone.

Discovering, that only in Me, is your satisfaction to be found,

Then you will be capable of the perfect human relationship

That I planned for you.

You will never be united with one another,

Until you are united with Me,

exclusive of anyone or anything else.

I want you to stop planning, stop wishing,

And allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing;

One that you can not imagine.

I want you to have the best.

Please allow Me to bring it to you.

You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things.

Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am.

Keep listening and learning the things I tell you.

You just wait, that’s all.

Don’t be anxious, don’t worry.

Don’t look around at the things others have gotten,

Or that I have given them.

Don’t look around at the things you want.

You just keep looking off and away, up at Me.

Or you’ll miss what I have to show you.

And then, when you’re ready,

I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than

Any you would dream of.

You see, until you are ready,

(I’m working even at this moment to have both of you

Ready at the same time)

Until you are both satisfied with Me,

And the life I have prepared for you,

You won’t be able to experience the Love that

Exemplifies your relationship with Me,

And thus, is the perfect love.

Dear one, I want you to have this wonderful love.

I want you to see in the flash, a picture of you relationship with Me.

And to enjoy materially and concretely

The everlasting union of beauty, perfection and Love

That I offer you with Myself.

Know that I love you utterly.

I am God.

Believe it and be satisfied."