Drop Dead Diva

《美女上错身》

○车厘子 编译

（本文发表于《英语广场·美文》2010年10月号）

又译：错体大状、美人不可貌相

演员：Brooke Elliott … Jane Bingum（布洛克·艾略特 饰 简·宾格恩）

 　　Margaret Cho … Teri（玛格丽特·曹 饰 特里）　　

Kate Levering ... Kim（凯特·利弗林 饰 金）

Jackson Hurst … Grayson（杰克森·赫斯特 饰 格雷森） 　　

April Bowlby … Stacy（艾普尔·鲍白 饰 斯黛西）　　

Josh Stamberg … Parker（乔什·斯坦伯格 饰 帕克）

Ben Feldman … Fred（本·费德曼 饰 费雷德） 　　

Brooke D’Orsay … Deb（布鲁克·朵赛 饰 黛比）

黛比是个籍籍无名的小模特，典型的美国式金发无脑型美女，却生性乐观自信。一次意外丧生后，因为生前既没做过什么坏事也没做过什么好事，天使弗雷德无法决定她该上天堂还是下地狱，黛比一气之下按下返回人间的按钮，投身到相貌普通、身材肥胖的律师简身上。于是她拥有了简的身体和才智，却仍保留着黛比的记忆。

简善良能干却从来不施粉黛，莺啼百啭却体形肥胖、郁郁寡欢，黛比投身后带着天生的自信与乐观，运用简的聪明才智帮助客户排忧解难，运用黛比的乐观自信感染周边的每一个人，于是法庭上多了很多奇趣桥段，人间多了一位由内而外都让人倍感舒心的“美女”。

 

Jane: You’re my guardian angel?

Fred: I’m afraid so.

Jane: Make me skinny and hot... now.

Fred: I’m an angel, not a wizard. And between you and me, it’s just a fancy term for “babysitter”.

简：你是我的守护天使？

弗雷德：恐怕是的。

简：那好，把我变瘦变辣点……

弗雷德：我是天使，不是巫师。我和你之间的关系，只不过是梦幻版的“保姆与孩子”这样的关系。

 

Jane: [In a divorce case to a client who’s been cheated on by her husband but dares not ask for indemnification] Mrs. Wellner, how much do you think you’re worth?

Mrs. Wellner: Why?

Jane: Because if you don’t think you’re worth much, why should he?

简：[一离婚案中，客户被丈夫背叛却不敢索要赔偿金]威尔勒夫人，你觉得自己值多少钱？

威尔勒夫人：这话怎么说？

简：如果你都觉得自己不值钱，他为什么要认为你值那么多？

 

Jane: Vicky, you are who you want to be. You know, some people around here, they think I’m insecure. But if I bought into that, it would only hurt me. Your husband married a strong, dignified woman, and if you don’t stand up and fight for her, then she’s lost forever.

简：维琪，你想成为什么样的人由你决定。你知道吗？这里的人，他们都觉得我没有安全感，如果我相信他们的话，受伤的只有我自己。你丈夫当初娶的是一个坚强而有尊严的女人，如果你不站出来为她争取，她就会永远消失。

 

Jane: People say there are five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

简：都说悲痛有五个阶段：拒绝，愤怒，自欺欺人，消沉，接受。

 

Jane: [Closing argument for a waitress who’s been fired for over-weighted] You know that federal laws protect us based on race, religion, sex, age, disability and nationality, but what about size? Have you noticed that people have euphemisms for being overweight? Large and plus-sized, full-figured and rubenesque… And no one, not even me, especially not me, wants to say the word “fat”. But “fat” is only pejorative when we allow places like the sun bar to tell us that being fat somehow makes us less of a person. Tell the sun bar that being fat is not cause for being fired.

简：[为一位因超重而遭到解雇的女服务员打官司时的结案陈词]你们知道，联邦法律保护我们不受种族、信仰、性别、年龄、服役与否、残疾与否和民族的限制，那体型呢？你们有没有注意到，人们总是用委婉词来形容体重过重的人？大块头、加大号、丰满、富态……没有人——甚至我自己——尤其是我自己——想将“肥胖”这个词脱口而出。但是，只有当我们允许像太阳酒吧这样的地方告诉我们，肥胖莫名其妙地让我们低人一等的时候，“肥胖”才具有贬义。请告诉太阳酒吧，肥胖不是解聘的理由！

 

Fred: [Describing his feelings for Stacey] I look at this Stacey, and I, and I can’t help it. I wanna, I wanna do her grocery shopping, wanna, wanna re-roof her house. I wanna... hunt animals and bring her the MEAT.

弗雷德：[描述他对斯黛西的感觉]我看着这个斯黛西，我……我就情不自禁。我想……我想帮她购物，想……想翻修她的房顶。我想……去捕猎，把肉带回来给她。

 

Jane: No one can guarantee anyone’s future.

简：谁都不能保证别人的前途。

 

Jane: Nobody has the right to tell you how to live your life.

简：没人有权利告诉你你该怎样生活。

 

Teri: Excuse me, Mr. Parker. There’s a guy in the lobby waiting for you. He’s got broad shoulders and no wedding ring. So if he asks about me, I’m single with a cheery disposition.

特里：打扰一下，帕克先生，大厅里有个人在等你。他宽肩厚臂，没戴婚戒。如果他问起我， 就说我单身且性情开朗。

 

Teri: I’m Jane Bingum’s assistant. No reason you should remember. We’ve only been introduced six- or seventeen times.

Judge Summers: Teri. Not so good with faces. Attitude, however.

特里：我是简·宾格恩的助理。您没理由会记得我，我们也只不过被引见过十六七次吧！

萨默斯法官：特里。我不太记人脸，态度还是有印象的。

 

Jane: There was a children’s book published in 1960 called Are You My Mother. A mother bird leaves her nest to go get food and while she’s gone, her chick hatches and decides to go out and look for his mother. So he asks a kitten, a hen, a dog and a cow, “are you my mother?” You are nodding. You remember reading this book or having it read to you. We all remember it. And why? I’ll tell you why. Because there is a neat need to know your mother. Simply put it, that there is no stronger bond than to a woman who loves us unconditionally.

简：1960年曾出版过一本儿童读物，书名叫《你是我妈妈吗？》。鸟妈妈离巢去觅食。外出期间，小鸟破壳而出，决定要出去找妈妈。于是它分别问猫、鸡、狗还有牛：“你是我妈妈吗？你们在点头，说明你们都记得看过这本书或有人给你们读过这本书。我们都记得这个故事。为什么呢？我来告诉你们原因。因为想要认识自己的母亲是与生俱来的一种需求。简单来说就是，这世上任何一种联系都比不过一个女人对我们无条件的爱。

 

Grayson: [On a client’s house] Anyone who’s ever lived with a loved one, a soul mate, knows that is so much more. It’s where the memories were made. After the pass of the soul mate, it’s where the memories are kept. And eventually the house becomes the memories itself. You’ve heard this express “you are what eat”, but I believe “you are where you live”.

格雷森：[为一位客户的房子申辩]任何人，只要曾经跟自己深爱过的人——心灵伴侣——住在一起过，就知道房子的意义远不止于此。它是造就回忆的地方。心灵伴侣过世后，房子就成了回忆的仓库。最后，房子会变成回忆本身。有人说“吃什么食物变什么样”，我却认为“住什么地方变什么样”。

 

[Jane’s pissed off by Fred becoming Kim’s assistant.]

Fred: Jane, why do you think I took this job?

Jane: I don’t know.

Fred: Come here. I only have one real job, and that’s to look after you.

Jane: Mm-hmm.

Fred: And with that desk right there… Well, it gives me a front-row seat.

[自己的守护天使弗雷德应聘成为死对头金的助理，令简非常生气。]

弗雷德：简，你认为我为什么要接受这份工作？

简：我不知道。

弗雷德：过来。我只有一份真正意义上的工作，那就是照看你。

简：嗯-哼。

弗雷德：而那边的那张桌子……呃，给了我一个最前排的位置。