16

Learning Mixed Styles

Analyzing Students’ Essays

 

图表作文模板：   

§        The graph describes (点题)  . As can be seen from the graph, (概括描述). (展开一句).

§         Several factors contribute to the change. First of all, (第一原因). In addition, (第二原因). Perhaps the main cause is (第三原因).

§         From the analysis above, we can safely conclude that (得出结论) . (结尾句).

 

 

 

 

四六级写作具体要求

一、 长短句原则。

强烈建议：

1. 在文章第一段（开头）用一长一短，且先长后短；

2. 在文章主体部分，要先用一个短句解释主要意思，然后在阐述几个要点的时候采用先短后长的句群形式，定会让主体部分妙笔生辉;

3.文章结尾一般用一长一短就可以了。

二、 主题句原则。

   四级作文一定要有一个主题句，放在文章的开头（保险型）或者结尾，让读者一目了然，必会平安无事！例如：

        To begin with， you must work hard at your lessons and be fully prepared before the exam.（主题句）

 

§    三、 一二三原则。

§    　　考官们看文章必然要通过那些关键性的“标签”来判定你的文章是否结构清楚，条理自然。破解方法很简单，只要把下面任何一组的词汇加入到你的几个要点前就清楚了。

§    1）first， second， third， last 

§    2）firstly，secondly， thirdly， finally 

§    3）the first， the second， the third，   the last 

§     4）in the first place， in the second place， in the third place， lastly  

 

5）to begin with， then， furthermore，    finally（强烈推荐）

6）to start with， next， in addition， finally（强烈推荐）

7）first and foremost， besides， last but not least（强烈推荐）

8）most important of all， moreover， finally

9）on the one hand， on the other hand（适用于两点的情况）

10）for one thing， for another thing（适用于两点的情况）

§     建议：不仅仅在写作中注意，平时说话的时候也应该条理清楚！

 

§    四、 短语优先原则。

§    　　写作时，尤其是在考试时，如果使用短语，有两个好处：其一、用短语会使文章增加亮点，如果老师们看到你的文章太简单，看不到一个自己不认识的短语，必然会看你低一等。相反，如果发现亮点---精彩的短语，那么你的文章定会得高分了。其二、关键时刻思维短路，只有凑字数，怎么办？用短语是一个办法！比如： I cannot bear it. 可以用短语表达：I cannot put up with it. I want it. 可以用短语表达：I am looking forward to it. 这样字数明显增加，表达也更准确。

 

 

§    五、多实少虚原则。

§    　　原因很简单，写文章还是应该写一些实际的东西，不要空话连篇。这就要求一定要多用实词，少用虚词。我这里所说的虚词就是指那些比较大的词。比如我们说一个很好的时候，不应该之说nice这样空洞的词，应该使用一些诸如generous， humorous， interesting， smart， gentle， warm-hearted， hospital 之类的形象词。再比如： 走出房间，general的词是：walk out of the room 但是，

§    小偷走出房间应该说：slip out of the room

§    小姐走出房间应该说：sail out of the room

§    小孩走出房间应该说：dance out of the room

§    老人走出房间应该说：stagger out of the room 所以多用实词，少用虚词，文章将会大放异彩！

 

 

§    六、 多变句式原则。

§    　1）加法（串联）都希望写下很长的句子，像个老外似的，可就是怕写错，怎么办，最保险的写长句的方法就是这些，可以在任何句子之间加and， 但最好是前后的句子有先后关系或者并列关系。比如说： I enjoy music and he is fond of playing guitar. 如果是二者并列的，我们可以用一个超级句式： Not only the fur coat is soft, but it is also warm. 其它的短语可以用： besides， furthermore， likewise， moreover

 

 

§    2）因果（so， so， so）昨天在街上我看到了一个女孩，然后我主动搭讪，然后我们去咖啡厅，然后我们认识了，然后我们成为了朋友……。可见，讲故事的时候我们总要追求先后顺序，先什么，后什么，所以然后这个词就变得很常见了。其实这个词表示的是先后或因果关系！ The snow began to fall， so we went home. 更多短语： then， therefore， consequently， accordingly， hence， as a result， for this reason， so that

 

 

§     大学英语四级考试流程

§     8：50——9：00 试音时间

§     9：00——9：10 播放考场指令，发放作文考卷

§     9：10 取下耳机，开始作文考试  (30 minutes)

§     9：35 发放含有快速阅读的试题册(但9：40才允许开始做)

§     9：40——9：55 做快速阅读   (15 minutes)

§     9：55——10：00 收答题卡一(即作文和快速阅读)

§     9：55——10：00 重新戴上耳机，试音寻台，准备听力考试

§     10：00 开始听力考试，电台开始放音

§     听力结束后完成剩余考项。

§     11：20全部考试结束。

 

 

§   各题型分值比例

§   写作   15%    

§   听力   35%     

§   阅读理解 35%   

§   完型填空 10% 

§   翻译  5% 

 

 

 

§作文（占总分值15%）

 

§   作文写作

§    要求：

§    在30分钟内写出一篇120-150词的短文 

§    1.字数符合要求   --- 速度

§    2.切题         --- 学会审题

§    3.条理清楚  --- 逻辑性、组织、衔接（言之有物）

§    4.语言准确  --- 语法、词汇 （表达的    多样性；亮点）

 

 

四级预测题作文

§    1. 心理问题往往是导致疾病的原因；

§    2. 分析人们产生心理问题的原因（可从压力过重、缺乏人际关系等方面分析）；

§    3. 你有什么保持心理健康的建议。

§    How to Keep Psychologically Healthy?

§         One in four people will experience some kind of mental health problem in the course of a year. When you fail to manage to control these problems, they are likely to cause various mental illnesses and physical illnesses.

 

 

 

§       The causes of mental health problems often vary a lot from one case to another. In today’s society, a good number of people are suffering from heavy pressure. Others are lacking in communication skills and feel they are living in an isolated world. In addition, a lot of people are ignorant of psychological knowledge about how to keep mentally fit. 

 

 

§        There are a lot of ways to curb (抑止，控制) mental health problems and keep psychologically healthy. Firstly, find the real cause of your mental health problem and see whether you can do something to make a change. Secondly, learn to relax yourself and take exercise to release the pressure. After all, your health is what counts most. Lastly, you may find it helpful to talk to your partner, a relative or a friend about your problems, or seek support and advice from psychological consultant.

 

 

§     模板

§        One in four people will experience some kind of mental health problem…(引出引起疾病的原因）

§       The causes of (引出产生心理问题的原因）… vary a lot from … to… In today’s society, a good number of people are …(分析原因一). Others … …(分析原因二). In addition, …(分析原因三).

§       There are a lot of ways to… Firstly, …(建议一). Secondly, …(建议二). Lastly, …(建议三,并结束全文).

 

点评

§    思路连贯，逻辑通顺，表达清楚。语言整体比较平淡，但干净利落，表达流畅。有些句子有闪光点。

 混合式作文(Mixed Styles)

§    记叙+议论类作文

§    题目：Homework

§    记叙某一事情，并提出问题

§    就该问题展开相应论述

 

§        It is already Sunday night and I have to finish all those weekend assignments before going to bed. Almost every Friday afternoon when we are off school, our teachers will leave us piles upon piles of homework to finish during Saturday and Sunday. Do they really consider it a neat idea?

§         From our teachers’ perspective, doing homework is necessary in grasping what we have learnt at school. Without repeated exercising, the students can not master the knowledge. What they believe is that “practice makes 

 

   perfect”. Guided by such a theory, our teachers demand us to practice all year round, regardless of weekdays or weekends!

§          However, as a student, I don’t think endless practicing will do any good to our study. We have been forced to exercise all weekdays in school. What we need is to have our brains rest during the weekend. But no matter how reluctantly, we still have to finish those assignments on time. Otherwise, the world will come to an end in the coming Monday. Consequently, we drag as long as possible even to the small hours till the last minute arrives.

§          How we wish there is a weekend with no homework!

 

 

§    结构点评

§    本文属于夹叙夹议作文。一般要点出一种现象或者事件，然后就此事件、现象进行一些论述。

§    第一段推出主题homework，然后提出问题。

§    第二段和第三段从两个方面论述周末作业。教师的想法和学生的实际想法，形成了实际的对照。倾向性比较明显。

§    最后是总结，可长可短。本文的结尾就很短，一句话，但是也以表达希望的句式来表明作者的态度。

 

§    用词点评

§    第一段中的Almost every 表示强调。后面的piles upon piles of 表达了学生们对周末作业的无奈和厌恶之情。 a neat idea 是好点子的意思。

§    第二段，all year round 表示常年都是如此,作者的无奈可见一般，很生动。 regardless of 是无论怎么样的意思。

 

§    第三段从另外一个方面来论述。do any good to 的意思是“起作用”。have our brains rest 表示使大脑得到休息。no matter how reluctant 是让步的讲法，可以表示强调。the world will come to an end 就是世界的末日。drag as long as possible before the last minute arrives就是尽量的拖拉，直至最后一刻。the small hour of the morning 凌晨。

§    结尾的How we wish 表达强烈的愿望，呼应主题。

 

 

模板 It is already Sunday night and I have to finish …  (提出一种现象). Almost every …, … will leave us piles upon piles of … to finish （对这一现象进行简要的描述）. Does she really consider it a neat idea? （提出问题）.

§        From … perspective （先从一个角度对上述问题开始论述，提出他们的观点）, doing … is necessary in …. Without repeated …, one can not master the knowledge one has learned. What they believe is that “practice makes perfect” （观点一）. Guided by such a theory, … （由此导致的结果）.

 

§        However, as a …, I don’t think…（提出自己对这个问题的看法）.We have been forced to … （解释原因一）.But no matter how reluctantly, we still have to finish … on time. Otherwise, the world will come to an end in the coming Monday （从反面论述苦衷）. Consequently, we drag as long as possible even to the small hours till the last minute arrives（结果却并不好）.

§        How we wish there is … （提出希望，结束全文）.

 

 

 

§    大学英语四级考试作文预测

§    恩波教育英语研究所

§    预测作文（一）

§    College Students’ Living Condition

§    反应大学生生存状况的词语从“蜗居”、“蚁族”到“鼠族”，不断涌现。

§    对于这种现象，你有什么看法？

 

【范文】

§        Recently, the living condition of some college students is frequently referred to as “dwelling-narrowness”. In fact, this embarrassing situation is so serious that few of us can fail to meditate (沉思,深思熟虑)  on the causes of it.

§        In the first place, it’s difficult for graduates to bear the high cost of life in big cities. Poor payment thus gives rise to bad living conditions. Next, college students are more ambitious. Many of

 

   them are eager to compete in big cities like Shanghai and Beijing, where talents are abundant and positions are limited. Refusing to go back hometown let them suffer in big cities, which indirectly make their situation worse.

§        Generally speaking, college students should be more qualified to better themselves and adjust their goals according to the reality.

 

 

§     【点评】

§     首句交待背景，并使用被动语态，文章更加客观中立。

§     第二句话使用单词embarrassing，深入地挖掘了当今大学生生存状况艰难与大学生十年寒窗之间令人无奈的矛盾。第三句话为承上启下句，fail to do sth.表示没能、不能做某事。文章第二部分阐释了作者的个人看法。认为此社会现象的一个原因是大城市的高消费与大学生刚刚毕业收入相对较低之间产生的矛盾。第二个原因来自大学生对自身期望过高与大城市人才济济之间的矛盾。使用单词ambitious，表示雄心勃勃。在形容人才济济时，使用abundant，表示充足的。此外，文章还指出第一个原因是直接原因，第二个原因是间接导致了大学生生存困境。

§     最后一段给出了解决方法，better oneself指使某人自身更加优秀，better此处作动词讲。

 

 

§    预测作文（二）

§    Should we help others in need?

§    现在经常有这样的现象发生：路上有人摔倒，没人敢上前帮忙。

§    这是人们的公德心缺失还是其他什么原因呢？

§    你对此有何看法？

 

§     【范文】

§         Helping others has always been a virtue in traditional Chinese culture. But what’s strange nowadays is that people dare not show their helping hands to those in need. I would like to elaborate(详细述说) my views on this issue.

§        Firstly, I think people’s moral sense has degraded. When egoism (利己主义)  gains the upper hand, many people find it growingly hard to help others. Secondly, there is no denying

 

   that some tragic events turn out to be traps by people with evil intentions. So common people are becoming more risk-conscious and are more wary (谨防的 ) of traps and deceits.

§        In general, I contend the idea that we should be warm-hearted and offer help as well as look out for potential hazards(危险 ) so as not to be deceived.

 

 

§     【点评】

§     第一句话介绍背景，使用“美德”virtue一词。第二句话为转折句，除了使用but这个表示强烈转折意味的连接词，还采用了strange和首句形成鲜明对比。

§     文章第二部分开始阐释人们公德心（moral sense）缺乏的原因。指出原因之一为自私。此处采用了egoism, 也可使用selfishness, 但不可使用individualism，后者在英语语境中通常作褒义词讲，即崇尚自尊自立之意。原因之一是内因，原因之二是外因。Trap指陷阱，deceit指欺骗。第二段使用了内外因、主客观因素结合的方法，较全面地解释了公德心缺失的根源。

§     最后一段表明作者立场，提出既要坚持善良之心也要有防备之心。

 

§    预测作文（三）

§   Food Safety

§    食品安全问题令人担忧。

§    对此，你有什么看法（可从蔬菜、水果滥用农药、激素方面分析）？

 

§    【范文】

§        Currently, many problems concerning the safety of food have popped up. As for me, I believe at least three factors account for this issue.

§        First, I observe that profits drive many food producers to commit illegal things. They aim to gain more money at the expense of consumers’ health. Second, the overuse of agricultural pesticide has resulted in the degradation (下降) of food quality. The excessive pesticide

 

   bears enormous health hazard for people. Furthermore, some food producers inject hormones into domestic animals (家畜) so as to make them grow more quickly and thus they can turn in more profit. As a result, people’s health has been seriously disturbed.

§       All in all, food safety is such a great concern, and we all should do establish laws and implement them effectively to avoid producing toxic foods.

 

 

§     【点评】

§     首句直接点题，词组pop up指弹起，这里指食品安全突然间成了一大社会问题。

§     文章第二部分从蔬菜生产商、水果滥用农药及激素方面阐释了食品安全问题的根源。Observe除了有观察之意，还可以表示某人的观点；动词commit后面通常接违法或伤害性的事情，如commit a crime, commit illegal things, commit suicide等等。“以消费者的健康为代价”除了使用at the expense of 还可以使用at the cost of 或者ignoring。 另外，在表达同一意思或相近意思时，此文避免了一词多用，而是采用不同的单词或词组，如劣质食品使用了problems concerning the safety of food, the degradation of food quality和toxic foods。

§     最后一段再次点题，并提出了万能解决方案之一，即政府和相关单位要制定法律法规。

 

§    预测作文（四）

§    The Popularity of Micro-blogging

§    1.  近年来“微博”越来越流行，许多人利用“微博”来表达心声、交流想法。

§    2．微博流行的原因。

§    3．微博可能引起的弊端。

 

§    【范文】

§        Micro-blogging is no longer a strange word. More precisely, it has become part of our life.

§        As for me, many factors contribute to the widespread of Micro-blogging. First, it is very convenient for people to express their instant feelings at any time. Second, it provides a chance for people to release their inner stress. By revealing their heartfelt (真心实意的) emotions on the Micro-blogging, their friends may also know about their conditions and can offer in-time comfort.

 

§        However, Micro-blogging can also be potentially dangerous as it may give away people’s privacy and other significant information.

§        All in all, Micro-blogging provides us with comfort and also inevitably some concerns. We should be careful while using it.

 

 

§     【点评】

§     第一段直接切入主题。首句在说明微博越来越流行时没有用肯定句micro-blogging is more and more popular, 而是用否定句的方式“负负得正” no longer a strange word 。

§     从第二段开始阐释流行的原因。Contribute to是固定词组，表示为……作出贡献，其对应的名词是contribution。第一个原因是微博方便人们在任何时候表达他们当时的感觉。这里通过“at any time”和“instant feeling”突出了微博和传统博客的区别。第二个原因是微博可以减压。此处release表示释放，除了跟release pressure, release stress, 还可以跟release news。

§     第三段描述了微博的弊端，give away表示出卖，同义词有betray。最后一段是作者的对微博的态度，在充分肯定微博积极意义的同时提醒人们要谨慎使用微博。

 

 

§    预测作文（五）

§    Reflection on Natural Disasters

§    最近国内外灾害不断发生，这些灾害引起了我们对于自然所做的行为的再一次思考。

§    你是如何看待自然灾害的？

§    我们应该采取哪些措施来尽可能避免这些灾害和减少损失呢？

 

§     【范文】

§       Natural disasters happen almost every day，those devastating ones leave us to think about our behaviors towards nature again.

§       First of all，we need to set a sound pre-warning mechanism, which enables us to detect potential risks at an early stages. Accordingly，emergency measures can be taken，and losses can be minimized. Second，governments have to be equipped with an excellent Disaster Assistance Response Team (灾难援助反应队) to rescue those disaster-stricken areas.

 

   The primary goal is to provide emergency services, such as drinking water and medical treatment, until long-term aid arrives.Third, citizens need to realize that the main cause of those disasters is largely due to climate crisis; therefore, they should purchase energy efficient appliances, plant trees and economize (节约,节省) our consumption on housing.

 

§       From what has been discussed above, I maintain that minimizing the cost of disasters can be achieved by our persisting efforts.

 

 

 

§   【点评】

 

§    第一段为总起段，提出问题并引起读者的注意。在形容自然灾害时，用disaster。Devastating表示极具破坏性的，同义词为destroying。Leave sb. to do sth. 意味着使某人做某事。

§    第二段中使用了连接词accordingly, 用以表示顺接或因果关系，连接词的使用能够使文章更具连贯性和逻辑性。而两个被动语态的使用则使文章更加客观公正。

 

   第二点从政府的角度来进一步论述。Disaster-stricken为形容词，意思为饱受摧残的。在讲述政府提供的救援时，文中用了举例的方法使文章更加具体有说服力。第三点中的be due to主要用来表示不好的原因。Purchase表示大宗购买，意为buy。这里用了三个并列的动宾词组，使文章更加有说服力。

§    最后一段maintain用来表示某人的观点，同义词还有observe, declare, insist。

 

 

Thank You !