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情书红娘翻译爱眉小札徐志摩杂谈 |
分类: 观察 |
爱情里,年龄、身高不是问题,性别也不是问题。但,语言沟通障碍一定是问题。试想,如果你的满腔爱意因翻译错误而被对方以为是绝交书,不仅好姻缘会告吹,甚至还会相见成仇。
缠绵甜腻的情书到底要怎样翻译才合适呢?《赢未来》请有意从事“红娘翻译”的王璐为你示范,请新东方精英英语教学主管孙圳进行点评分析。
文/苏三
情书范例:
龙龙:
我的肝肠寸寸的断了。今晚再不好好的给你一封信,再不把我的心给你看,我就不配爱你,就不配受你的爱。我的小龙呀,这实在是太难受了。我现在不愿别的只愿我伴着你一同吃苦。――你方才心头一阵阵的绞痛,我在旁边只是咬紧牙关闭着眼替你熬着。龙呀,让你血液里的讨命鬼来找着我吧,叫我眼看你这样生生的受罪,我什么意念都变了灰了!
……
啊!我的龙,这时候你睡熟了没有?你的呼吸调匀了没有?你的灵魂暂时平安了没有?你知不知道你的爱正在含着两眼热泪,在这深夜里和你说话,想你,疼你,安慰你,爱你?我好恨呀,这一层层的隔膜,真的全是隔膜:这仿佛是你淹在水里挣扎着要命,他们却掷下瓦片石块来,算是救渡你!我好恨呀,这酒的力量还不够大,方才我站在旁边,我是完全准备了的,我知道我的龙儿的心坎儿只嚷着:“我冷呀,我要他的热胸膛依着我;我痛呀,我要我的他搂着我;我倦呀,我要在他的手臂内得到我最想望的安息与舒服!”――但是实际上只能在旁边站着看,我稍微的一帮助,就受人干涉,意思说:“不劳费心,这不关你的事,请你早云休息吧,她不用你管。”哼,你不用我管!我这难受,你大约也有些觉着吧。
--摘自徐志摩写给陆小曼的情书
这是一封肉麻却情趣十足的情书,诗化的语言中不经意间又透着一丝煽情,如同一盘精美点心,让人回味无穷。那么,这样的情书该怎样翻译,才能做到“信雅达”呢?参加《赢未来》第28期新人报道的王璐做了大胆的尝试:
Dear Longlong,
My heart is writhing in a swamp of sorrow. I will not deserve
your love, or the right of loving you, if I can tolerate the
eagerness of writing and opening my heart to you tonight. My dear
darling, this burning grief can be so unbearable! At this moment, I
plead for nothing else but standing beside you through this
torture. When you were struck by the fit of angina just now, I
could do nothing but gnash my teeth in a fret, wishing I could bear
this agony for you. My Long, if only the murderous pest that's
nagging you could come for me instead! Seeing you enduring this
agonizing pain, all my hopes are dashed to pieces!
Oh, my dear Long, I wonder if you are sound asleep at this time.
Have you got your breath back? Is your soul at peace for the
moment? Do you know that your beloved is talking to you, missing
you, petting you, comforting you, and loving you under this dark
veil of night, with warm tears well up in his eyes? I'm overwhelmed
by the sore bitterness! The layers of separating walls are breaking
us apart, all of them are! It's like you're drowning and fiercely
struggling for help, but receive nothing but tiles and stones they
throw as a token of help. I also bear a sour regret that the liquor
is not strong enough to boost my courage! I was just standing near
you, fully prepared to offer help, and knowing that my darling is
pleading in her mind:“I feel so cold! How I want to sink into his
warm chest! I'm in such great pain! How I want him to cuddle me!
I'm so tired! How I long for the serenity and comfort being warped
in his arms!” However, all I could do is standing by and watching
you suffer. The slightest intention of helping you would meet
others' intervention: “It's really too much trouble for you. You
don't have to bother taking care of her.” Humph! I don't have to
bother taking care of you? I guess by now you could somewhat
sympathize with my bitterness, could you?
孙圳点评:
事实上,王璐同学很好地领会了徐志摩先生的原意,对情书进行了不错的翻译,基本上满足了翻译领域的“三字真经”--“信,达,雅”的要求,即忠于原文,通达易懂,文辞优雅。但对个别词组及句子的理解,以及译文中时而会出现时态,语法等问题需更注意一些,同时还要加强地道英语的表达。
在对开篇第一句的处理上,王璐用极少的英文单词将原文“信,达,雅”并且非常地道地翻译出来。如果只做到“信和达”,把原文的肝和肠用中文的表达方式说出来,估计就要在“雅”这一方面大打折扣了。
在第一段段末,王璐将意念翻译成“hope”,在我看来是将作者的本意狭义化了,我以为“意念”在这里指的是“所有的思维活动”,所以用“thoughts”会更好些。
另外,第二段中的“这一层层的隔膜,真的全是隔膜”被处理成“The layers of separating walls are
breaking us apart, all of them
are!”也有些欠妥。如果仔细阅读,大家会发现这“隔膜”指的不是实实在在的墙或者任何看得见摸得着的障碍物,而是徐志摩的那份“不被理解,不被接纳”。因此,我认为该句应处理成“The
lack of understanding is everywhere!”
孙圳的译文版本:
Dear Longlong,
My heart is writhing in a swamp of sorrow. I would not deserve
your love or the right of loving you if I tolerated the urge to
write and open my heart to you tonight. My darling, this is so
unbearable! At this very moment, I plead for nothing but standing
beside you through this torture. When you were struck by the bouts
of angina just now, I could do nothing but gnash my teeth with my
eyes closed wishing I could bear this agony for you. My darling, if
only the murderous pest that's nagging you could come for me
instead! All my thoughts have been dashed to pieces seeing you
enduring this agonizing pain !
……
Oh, my darling, I wonder if you are sound asleep at this time.
Have you got your breath back yet? Is your soul at peace now? Do
you know that your beloved is talking to you, missing you,
comforting you and loving you under this dark veil of night with
warm tears welling up in his eyes? I'm overwhelmed by the sore
bitterness! The lack of understanding is everywhere! It's as if
you're drowning and fiercely struggling for help, but they offer
nothing but tiles and stones as a token of help. I'm so mad that
the liquor is not strong enough to boost my courage! I was just
standing next to you, fully prepared to offer help, and knowing
that my darling is pleading in her mind:“I'm so cold! How I want to
sink into his warm chest! I'm in such pain! How I want him to
cuddle me! I'm so tired! How I long for the serenity and comfort in
his arms!"”However, all I could do was standing by and watching you
suffer. The slightest intention of helping you would meet others'
intervention: “It's none of your business, please go and get some
rest.” It's none of my business?
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