在美国，一些社会基层组织始终在与偏见作斗争，要求保障LGBTI年轻人的安全和福祉。 ShareAmerica采访了几位同性恋权利倡导者，请他们谈谈他们本人或亲人在公开自己性取向的过程中有哪些感受，以及怎样做才能有益于下一代LGBTI的成长。

亚兰·瓦西尔（Aram Vartian），录影师

公开自己性取向的过程可能是非常孤独的。亚兰·瓦西尔是华盛顿地区的一名录影师，他少年时期曾为自己的性取向以及害怕被家人和朋友拒绝而苦苦挣扎。他说， “我14岁时已经很清楚自己的性取向。从那时起，我回到家里就哭，我也努力寻找走出困境的办法，我一度进退两难。”

瓦西尔找到的援助组织是“性取向少数青年援助联盟”（Sexual Minority Youth Assistance League）。这是一个非营利组织，专门组织LGBTI青少年参加课余活动，为他们提供支持，培养他们的领导力。 “当我与其他孩子走进房间的时候，每一个人都向我伸出手——那里的每一个人都欢迎我，之前从未有过这样的体验。”

伊丽莎·瓦勒拉（Elysha Valera），T恤衫网络经销商夏浦衣衫公司（Sharp Shirter）市场营销员

瓦勒拉说， “我真的不知道该怎么告诉他人。”她在日记中记录了她的想法和感受。作为马里兰大学（University of Maryland,）的学生，她“发现了一个朋友圈——一些与我志趣相同的人。”她在学校的 “同性恋权益中心”（LGBT Equity Center）找到她的朋友圈。该中心主任卢克·S詹森（Luke S Jensen）说， 这个组织的使命是为LGBTI学生提供资源，帮助他们在校园里健康成长。他说，“我们也积极努力……鼓励他们发挥领导作用，因为我们希望这些学生能学会如何维护自己和他人的权益。”

瓦勒拉制作并导演了该校第一部“酷儿性取向独白”（Queer Monologues）。这是一系列非常贴近生活的演出，描述了LGBTI群体公开性取向的过程和个人在生活中面临的挑战。这些独白在学生中引起了强烈反响，她父母也深受感动。虽然她父母最初不能接受瓦莱拉的性取向，但他们也观看了演出。她说， “我父亲在观看演出期间有时可能会热泪盈眶。”

朱伯特·格洛弗（Joubert X. Glover），政府专利审查员

对于如何向父母公开自己的性取向，格洛弗挣扎了好几个月。

当他终于鼓起勇气告诉他们后，他父母对他进行了责备，暂时不让他上学。格洛弗说，“他们是我的爸妈，他们应该鼓励我啊。”他承认当时很受打击。于是他向学校的同性恋权利组织G@MIT求助。他说，在那里“我可以跟其他人说，’你知道吗？我今天感觉不太好’，而不会被评头论足。”他参加由非营利组织“校园骄傲”（Campus Pride）赞助的LGBTI青少年夏令营，努力培养自己的领导能力。

格洛弗说，“我想尽力帮助他人，让他们知道，无论是在公开性取向之前、期间以及之后，我们都关爱他们。”

贾伊·罗德里格斯（Jai Rodriguez），《粉雄救兵》（Queer Eye for the Straight Guy）演员

罗德里格斯说， “公开性取向是个人的事。我因出演《粉雄救兵》 [2003-2006季真人秀节目] 公开了自己的性取向，我不是特别勇敢的人。我起初想不会有太多人收看这档节目。之前他人不知道我是同性恋，前前后后我都不以同性恋的身份出现。”

“这档节目迫使我公开性取向——起初的这档节目叫做《酷儿的眼睛》。酷儿（queer）这个词有其独特和正面的力量，对我很有帮助。既然全世界都赞同我认为应该隐藏的事——同性恋，我也就欣然接受了。《酷儿的眼睛》是第一部全部由同性恋演员参加的有线电视节目。我得了艾美奖（Emmy Award），这是对我的认同。”

“有数十位男女同性恋者告诉我说，在节目播出期间，他们更容易公开性取向，因为他们的父母从对同性恋者一无所知转为通过电视节目把五位男同性恋请到了家里作客。”

卡森·克兰（Cason Crane），探险家

“我公开自己的性取向相对容易一些；我生长在一个思想开放的社区，家庭也很开明，“克兰说。 “尽管这样，我还是因为我的性取向受到别人的辱骂。我战胜了这些，也认识到我是多么幸运。许多年轻的LGBT人士和其他对性取向仍疑虑重重的美国人则要面对更坏的情况。”

克兰是第一个登上珠穆朗玛峰的公开的同性恋者，他说：“LGBT和对自己的性取向仍有疑虑的群体需要政治上的保护以及能接受同性恋的社区。”

“我们的国家正为保障LGBT群体的平等权利快速建立更有利的法律框架。但是，我们要让社区也跟上这样的步伐。成年朋友应该为年轻人公开性取向提供所需的支持。这样的支持可防止自杀事件。

“我希望看到更多政治和社区的进步，这样，年轻的LGBT美国人将能够在积极的环境下公开自己的性取向。”

朱迪·谢泼德（Judy Shepard），马修·谢泼德基金会（Matthew Shepard Foundation）联合创始人

谢泼德和她的丈夫的儿子马修在一桩反同性恋的仇杀案中被谋杀。她说，有些家庭不接受LGBT孩子的原因之一是，他们认为同性恋是他们的孩子做的选择。 “很多家长认为，他们的孩子如果做这样的选择，就等于拒绝接受家庭对宗教的理解。”

谢泼德说：“家人需要了解的是，同性恋不是一种选择，而是与生俱来的。在家里，我们要谴责那些攻击LGBT的言论。尊重是善良和人性的一个基本组成部分。”。

韦德·戴维斯（Wade Davis），《你可以投身体育项目》（You Can Play Project）导演

戴维斯说，“作为一名同性恋者和LGBT倡导者，我不是在寻找被‘接受’，因为这样说就等于暗示他人要容忍我，使LGBT群体被视为‘另类’。我们都应该赞美并理解人与人之间的不同之处，应该坚持我们都是人类一分子的事实。”

戴维斯正为一个致力于消除体育界同性恋恐惧症的项目工作，他说：“我们需要创造空间，促使人们参与对话，使所有的观点都能得到重视，不用担心会被别人评头论足。只有通过相互间对敏感问题进行诚恳的对话，我们才能把对方当作映射出我们共同人性的镜子。”

本刊撰稿人安德烈·日那尼茨基（Andrzej Zwaniecki）、凯瑟琳·麦康奈尔（Kathryn McConnell）、萨沙·因格贝尔（Sasha Ingber）、玛丽 – 凯瑟琳·里姆（Mary-Katherine Ream）和马克·特瑞那（Mark Trainer）参加撰写。

Freedom from fear: coming out stories 

Despite recent legal and social progress, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex(LGBTI) individuals face discrimination in many places around the world. Youth, in particular, suffer harassment and even violence.

In the United States, grass-roots organizations combat prejudice and ensure the safety and well-being of LGBTI young people. ShareAmerica talked to advocates for gay rights about what it was like for them or their loved ones to come out of the closet and what would help the next LGBTI generation to thrive.

Aram Vartian, videographer

The process of coming out can be very lonely. Aram Vartian, a videographer from the Washington area, struggled as a teenager to come to terms with his sexual orientation and his fear of rejection by his family and friends. “I was 14 when it really rang clear — when I started going home and crying, when I really was looking for a way out, when I felt trapped,” he said.

Vartian found support at the Sexual Minority Youth Assistance League, a nonprofit that provides after-school activities, support and leadership opportunities for LGBTI teens. “There had never been a time before that where I had walked into a room with other kids and every single one of them reached out to me — every single one of them was happy I was there.”

Elysha Valera, marketer at Sharp Shirter, online T-shirt seller

“I didn’t really know how to tell anybody,” said Valera, who kept a journal in which she wrote her thoughts and feelings. It was as a student at the University of Maryland, she said, that she “found a circle of friends — people I could relate to.” She met them at the school’s LGBT Equity Center. Director Luke S. Jensen said the center’s mission is to connect LGBTI students with resources they need to thrive on campus. “We also try to … encourage leadership,” he said, “because we want our students to learn how to advocate for themselves and others.”

Valera produced and directed the university’s first Queer Monologues, a series of true-to-life performances dealing with the challenges of coming out and living as an LGBTI individual. The monologues were a hit with students and with Valera’s parents. Though they initially had been uncomfortable with Valera’s sexual orientation, they attended. “My dad probably teared up at some point,” she said.

Joubert X. Glover, government patent examiner

Glover wrestled for months with how to come out to his parents.

When he finally mustered the courage to tell them, they condemned him and temporarily withdrew him from school. “It’s Mom and Dad, and they’re supposed to be there for you,” Glover said, acknowledging his devastation. He turned to G@MIT, a campus gay-rights organization. There, he said, “I can talk to other people, and I can say, ‘You know what? I’m not feeling great today,’ and not be judged.” He developed leadership skills at a summer camp for LGBTI youth sponsored by a nonprofit called Campus Pride. 

“I want to try to help other individuals,” Glover said, “to know that they are loved and cared for before, during and after this whole process.”

Jai Rodriguez, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

“Coming out is personal,” Rodriguez said. “I came out on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy [a 2003–2006 reality TV show]. I wasn’t particularly brave; I didn’t think anyone would see the show. Before then, people didn’t know. Being gay wasn’t and isn’t something that defines me.

“The show forced me — it was titled Queer Eye. The word ‘queer,’ unique and with a positive power, helped. When the world celebrated the thing I thought I should hide — being gay — I embraced it. Queer Eye was the first all-gay cast on network TV. I won an Emmy Award for it. That’s acceptance.

“Dozens of men and women have told me that coming out was easier for them when the show was on because their parents went from not knowing any gays to inviting five gay men into their homes via television.”

Cason Crane, adventurer

“My coming out was relatively easy; I grew up in an open-minded community with an accepting family,” Crane said. “Despite this, I experienced name-calling because of my sexuality. I overcame it, but realized how lucky I was. Many young LGBT and questioning Americans face worse.”

Crane, who was the first openly gay person to climb Mount Everest, said, “LGBT and questioning people need political protection and accepting communities.”

“Our country is quickly adopting more positive legal frameworks to ensure equal rights for LGBT people. But we need to match that with progress in our communities. Adult allies should offer support to young people who might need it in order to come out. Support can prevent suicides.

“I hope for more progress, both politically and in communities, so that young LGBT Americans will be able to come out in a positive environment.”

Judy Shepard, co-founder of the Matthew Shepard Foundation

Shepard and her husband lost their son, Matthew, to a murder motivated by anti-gay hate. She said that one reason families reject their LGBT kids is that they think that being gay is a choice their kids are making. “Many parents think that if their child makes this choice, he or she rejects the family’s interpretation of religion.”

“Families need to understand this,” Shepard said. “Being gay is not a choice — it’s who you are. Within the family, condemn offensive remarks about LGBT people. Respect is a basic part of kindness and humanity.”

Wade Davis, director, You Can Play Project

“As a gay man and LGBT advocate,” Davis said, “I’m not looking for ‘acceptance’ because that language implies that I need to be tolerated and creates a dynamic where LGBT people are seen as ‘other.’ We should all celebrate and learn about our differences and should embrace the fact that we are all human beings.”

Davis, whose project is dedicated to ending homophobia in sports, said: “We need to create spaces that engage people in conversations where all points of view are valued, free from the fear of judgment. It is only through vulnerable and honest dialogue with one another that we can see each other as mirrors that reflect back our shared humanity.”
 

Staff writers Andrzej Zwaniecki, Kathryn McConnell, Sasha Ingber, Mary-Katherine Ream and Mark Trainer contributed to this article.