Sue Shellenbarger

I was reminded of one of mine recently when reading a summary of Edward Hallowell's excellent book, 'The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness.' Dr. Hallowell, the child psychiatrist known for his writings on attention deficit disorder, asserts that it is possible to plant in your children early the ability to be happy - that is, to feel that their lives are going well.

Happiness, he asserts, is what most parents truly want for their children. Some may say when asked that they want for their kids such things as security, success, opportunity, prosperity or freedom. But given a chance to linger over the question, and reflect on it, most parents are likely to mention the word happiness at some point.

The summary of Dr. Hallowell's book, which appeared in a newsletter 'Work and Family Life,' got me thinking about times when I have seen my children truly happy.

I remembered a spring day when my daughter, who was in elementary school at the time and missing a couple of front teeth, started dancing spontaneously around our front yard. She spun around in circles, her chin tilted upward, her arms outspread in an arc, until she collapsed dizzy with laughter on the lawn. No one watching could help but laugh too. It was all over in less than two minutes, but I remember it still.

With my son, it was a first dune-buggy ride. A thrill-seeker even at 6 years of age, he sat beside a professional driver in the front seat, while his sister, father and I sat in the back. The rest of us yelled and gripped the safety bar in fear as we roared over the Oregon Dunes at breathtaking speeds. But my son just grinned beneath his goggles. After the driver took a daredevil plunge from atop a towering dune to the banks of a lake in a deep inlet below, my son looked back at us with an expression_r of sheer joy. 'Was that scary?' his dad asked.

'Scary?' he said incredulously. 'I was born for this!' His joy in such edgy thrills has persisted through years of skateboarding, riding ATVs and snowboarding.

If I had it to do over, I would try for more of those moments. And when they came, I would savor them and think more about how we, as a family, got there. I did my best to prepare my children to dream big, to respect others, to have compassion, to work hard, to care for themselves. But I could have done better on the happiness thing. Looking back as they approach adulthood, those moments were the most precious.

In his book, Dr. Hallowell says parents can plant the seeds of adult happiness in children in several ways: by showing them unconditional love; by helping them learn to enjoy free, creative play; by encouraging them to practice new skills; by helping them experience a sense of mastery, and by giving them recognition for that mastery. 'We can't control everything in our children's lives, but we can make sure they learn the basics of the skill of happiness,' he writes.

Readers, do you have favorite moments when you or your children were truly happy? How do you foster that in your kids? Do you agree that the ability to be happy can be instilled in children?

如何让孩子快乐地成长

最近读到哈洛韦(Edward Hallowell)的好书《成人幸福的根源：孩童期》(The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness)的摘要，我想起了自己会改变的一个方面。哈洛韦是一名儿童精神病学家，以注意力不足症方面的著作闻名。他断言可以早早让孩子拥有幸福快乐的能力──那就是让他们感受到自己的生活很好。

他说，大多数父母都真心希望自己的孩子幸福。被问及对孩子的期望时，一些父母可能会说平安、成功、机会、富足或是自由。但如果有机会多考虑一下并加以反省，大多数父母多半都会提及幸福。

哈洛韦这本书的摘要出现在《工作和家庭生活》(Work and Family Life)一文中，令我想起看到自己的孩子真正开心的时候。

我想起一个春日，当时还在上小学、缺了一对门牙的女儿自然而然地在院子里起舞。她转着圈，昂着头，手臂伸展，直到晕乎乎地大笑着跌倒在草地上。看到的人全都忍不住大笑。这一切还不到两分钟，但我仍然记得清清楚楚。

儿子的幸福时光则是第一次乘坐滑沙车的时候。当时他六岁的他就已经喜欢冒险，他坐在前排，旁边是一位专业司机，我和丈夫及女儿坐在后排。我们以惊人的高速轰鸣着越过俄勒冈沙丘(Oregon Dunes)，其他人都吓得大叫，死死抓住安全杆。但戴着护目镜的儿子却只顾咧着嘴笑。司机从一座高高的沙丘顶端一头扎下来，冲到很低的地方的湖边，儿子回头看着我们，脸上乐开了花。“吓不吓人？”他爸爸问道。

“吓人？”他奇怪地说。“我天生就喜欢这个！。”他多年来玩滑板、开全地形车和玩滑雪板，继续享受这种惊险刺激的乐趣。

如果能够从头再来，我会争取让这样的时刻更多一些。当它们来临时，我会细细品味，更多地思考我们一家人是怎样实现这样的情形的。我竭尽所能，教孩子有远大的梦想、尊重他人、具备同情心、加油努力、照顾自己。但在幸福这点上，我本来应该做得更好。在孩子们渐渐长大之际回想过去，那些时刻才是最珍贵的。

哈洛韦在书中说，父母可以通过几种方式在孩子心中种下成年后幸福的种子：给予他们无条件的爱；帮助他们学着享受自由的、创造性的玩耍；鼓励他们练习新的技能；帮助他们体会掌控事物的能力，并认同他们的能力。他写道，我们无法掌控孩子生命中的一切，但我们能够确保他们学到把握幸福的基本要素。

读者们，你有没有经历过自己或孩子真正觉得幸福的时刻？你是怎么让孩子拥有那样的时刻的？你认为感受幸福的能力能够灌输给孩子吗？