宋歌简介：

美国Lehigh　University　心理咨询硕士。2007年8月-2010年5月在北京林业大学心理学本科在读期间就曾多次担任马龙教授翻译，负责马龙老师在北京的工作坊、个体咨询、团体咨询翻译。2010年8月赴美国Lehigh　University攻读心理咨询硕士。现任美国儿童精神病院KidsPeace实习咨询师。

1. Write a paragraph about your internal reaction to this email

写一段话谈谈你看到这封邮件后内心的反应

      由于我的回答太personal了，在这省略

2. Write a script about how you are going to do the next session

写一个至少两页的稿子说说你将怎样进行下一次咨询 （你会提起这个邮件吗？怎么提？你觉得来访者会怎么反应？你又会怎样应对？）

      I would definitely address this email. Actually, I would bring up this email at the beginning of the next session right after the greeting part. Since my client would not get my response from email, she must have wanted to know so badly that what my response would be. Therefore, I could not distract her attention away from this email anyway. Plus, I want that it is me to bring it up. I don’t want to give out any sign that I intended to avoid it. I would want to present myself as a genuine person and I want to confirm her that this is a secure relationship that she can talk about anything and that I will honestly present my respond no matter it is positive or not.  

     I would start with explaining the reason why I did not reply her by email. I would say something like “Norah, I got your email. I really appreciate that you felt our relationship was secure enough to bring this up. I did not mean to ignore you email. I just felt it was unprofessional and informal to respond to such an important topic through email. Plus, the email system may break down so I try to be very careful not to talk about/to you outside this office.” In this way, I can set the tone of our relationship and restrict it within a professional setting.

      In this stage, I still not yet inform her my answer. She may not be able to hear what I said above because she may be very obsessed to know my answer. She may even directly ask for my decision.  In any case, I would say something like “Ok, I know you are expecting my response and I’m not going to torture you anymore. Here is my response: Sorry Narah, we can’t be together as a couple.  You are my client and once you became my client you will always be my client. I’m not dating my clients for any reason. I know it may sound ridiculous. If you want to know the reason behind I can explain. But you need to know, this is the boundary I chose to follow and I will always stick with it.  In addition, even if we were not in a therapeutic setting, knowing the fact that you are married with 3 kids, I would not step into a romantic relationship with you anyway. This is just another boundary I set for myself and I chose to stick with.” By responding in this way, I kind of modeling how to deal with boundaries issues since this is very likely her issues under the email. But I would not directly bring this up until later sessions.  I would end this part by asking how she feels after hearing my response. I would say something like “So, how you are feeling now after hearing my response? It may sound ridiculous. Feel free to show your disagreement.”

       Very likely, the client would not buy in what I said. She would either ask whether I have feelings for her; or she will be so pissed off by this boundary speech and she may even indicate that she can end the therapy and divorce her husband.  I think in either case I would have to briefly touching whether I have feelings for her. I would tell her I don’t have feelings for her in a romantic way, but I do care for her, as a therapist cares for her client. Then I would tell her that even if I did have had feelings for her, it would not have changed how I would deal with such situation. Doing so I want to first inform her that having feelings for a client or a therapist is kind of normal and this is nothing wrong about that. Second, I want to emphasize that it’s what matters is how one manages his or her feelings and boundaries. If the client insists that she noticed my signs, I would let her share what signs she noticed. I would clarify with her and apologize for the mistakes I might have made. If the client still indicates she wants to end the therapeutic relationship in order to be together with me, I would confront her by say something like “someone comes to therapy to work on boundary issues and fidelity in marriage, and ends up divorcing her husband and being with her therapist. Would you say it’s a successful therapy? ”

In a word, I would firmly send out the information that there is no possibility for me to be together with her, and I will try to make her understand that it’s a boundary issue which directly related to why she is here.

3. Evaluate the session 评价你的这次咨询

      There are two good elements of my response.  First, I am responding in a genuine way. I’m not hiding my feelings behind ethic rules, and I’m sending out a message that this is a place that she can truly talk about anything. I wish my genuine response could encourage her to show whatever her reaction is, which would give us a chance to work on this issue. Second, I’m modeling a lot on how to maintain proper boundaries.  Since she had boundary violation issues with her original family, this might be a good chance for her to experience what it feels like to have a clear boundary. However, some parts of my response do appear to be risky. The most risky part would be my self-disclose on the fact that I do not have feelings for her. I may make her feel being rejected or less important. The reason I chose to make this self-disclosure regardless of the risk is because I want to make it clear that it’s not about whether I have feelings for her; it’s about clear boundaries. Since if I try to avoid addressing my feelings, it’s very likely she would assume that I have feelings for her.  Another risky part of my response is that I might be too directive and may talk too much. For example, the part I pointed out that I would not date her because she is married may make her feel being judged and thus feel bad about herself. I would have to phrase it really carefully to show that she is free to follow whatever her boundary is.  In order to be less directive, in actual sessions I will try to respond spontaneously according to what is going in the session; I will not force myself to address all the points mentioned above in one session.  Lastly, all my responses are based on   the situation that I do not have feelings for this client. The situation would become tricky and really hard to deal with if I had had feelings for that client

 

翻译：方云兰

英国普莱斯特大学 市场营销专业硕士毕业，曾参加飞迪曼举办三年连续的<国际躯体治疗培训班>的第一期培训；北大方新现代行为治疗基本功培训班。主攻方向为精神分析。

原文翻译：

事实上，下次咨询一开始，相互问候以后，我就会提起这件事。来访者没能从我的邮件中得到回应，她必然想知道我的回应会有糟糕，因此，无论如何，我不能把她的注意力从邮件中分散出来。另外，我希望由我来把这点提出来，我不想给她任何我试图回避这个问题的感觉。我肯定会提起这个邮件，同时把自己作为一个真实的人来展示，同时，我想确切的告诉她，我们之间的关系是安全的关系。在这种关系中，她可以自由的表达任何事情。无论好坏，我都会如实的告诉她我的真实反映。

  下面我将陈述我为什么不回邮件的理由。我将会说一些譬如：“Narah,我收到了你的邮件，我很高兴你认为我们的关系足够安全，于是你表达了自己。我没有忽视你的邮件，但我认为这么重要的主题，如果我在邮件中回答你，显得不那么专业和正式。另外，邮件系统可能会崩溃，所以我尽力不在办公室之外谈论这个事情”。用这种方法，我可以定义我们关系的基调，与此同时，把我们的关系限制在专业设置之中。

   在这个阶段，我依然不会告诉她我的回答。也许她不会对我上面说的话感兴趣，因为她最关注的还是我的回答，她也许会直接问我的决定。在这种情况下，我会这样说：我知道你期待我的回答，我不想更多的煎熬你，这就是我的回答，对不起，Narah,我们不能成为一对情侣，你是我的来访者，而且一旦你成为了我的来防者，你将一直是我的来访者。任何情况下，我都不会和我的来访者约会，我知道这听上去有些奇怪，如果你想知道原因，我可以解释。但是你需要知道，这个边界是我自己的选择而且我会一直遵守。另外，就算不在咨询关系中，在知道你已经和三个孩子结婚了后，我想我无论如何都不会和你进入一种浪漫的关系中，这是我为自己设置的另一个边界，而且我也准备一直坚守下去。这样回应后，我建做了一个示范，关于如何处理边界问题，因为这非常像她邮件中的问题。但直到咨询的晚些时候，我才会再提及这个问题，我会通过问她对我的回应的感受如何来结束这个部分。我会说一些例如：“听我说完这些，你有什么感受呢？这听上去有些奇怪，请自由的表达你的异议”。

   非常有可能，来访者不会买我的帐，她也许会问我对她的感觉，也许会被我边界的说法惹火，她甚至会威胁结束咨询或者和她老公离婚，我想在任何一种情况下，我将不得不短暂的叙述我对她的感受，我将告诉她，我对她没有浪漫的感觉，但是我很关心她，这是作为咨询师对来访者的关心。接下来我会告诉她，就算我对她有感觉，在这种情况下我依然会这么做。这第一是想告诉她，无论对来访者还是咨询师，有感觉都是很正常的，也没有什么过错。第二点，我想着重强调重点是如何管理这种感觉和边界。如果来访者坚持说她我暗示过她，我会请她指出这些暗示，然后澄清并且为我犯的错像她道歉。如果来访者为了和我在一起坚持结束咨询关系，我将面对她说如下的话语：”有些人来到治疗关系中处理边界问题和忠诚度等婚姻问题，但是结束的时候和老公离婚并且和治疗师在一起，你说这是不是一个成功的治疗？

  总体上来说，我会坚决告诉她我和她没有可能，同时，我将会尽力使她理解，正是边界问题将她带到咨询室。

  我如何评估这次咨询

  我的回应有两个不错的原理，第一，我的回应是真诚的，我没有用伦理规则隐藏自己的感受，我传递了一个信息，这里是可以说真话的地方。无论她的反应如何，我的真诚都将鼓励她表达自己，这将为我们解决她的问题提供机会。第二，我做了一个示范，在关于如何建立合适的边界问题上。鉴于她与原生家庭就有的边界问题，这将会让她感觉到自己不重要并被拒绝。我无视风险选择自我暴露的原因是，这是边界的问题，而不是关于我对她有没有感觉的问题。因为如果我回避谈我的感觉，会造成我对她有感觉的假象。我的回应另一个有风险的地方是，也许我的回答太直接，也许说的过多。举个例子，当说到我不和她约会是因为她的婚姻时，她会感觉自己被评价并感觉讨厌自己，我将不得不小心措辞，让她觉得无论她的边界怎样，她都是自由的。为了更少指导，在目前的咨询中，我想根据咨询中发生的事自然的回应。我不会强迫自己在一次咨询中表达所有上面提到的要点。最后，所有我的回应建立在我对来访者没有感觉的基础上，如果我对来访者有感觉，这种情况将会非常棘手并且很难处理。