My Offer     （源自：英语笑话网）
 Tom: I had made an offer of marriage to her many times, but she never complied with my
   request .Later I told her my father is a millionaire.
Jack: Well, she definitely accepted your offer.
Tom: Not yet. However, she had already become my stepmother.
                  
         我的求婚    （译文：牛筋）
 汤姆：我向她求婚好多次了，但是她从来都不答应。后来我就告诉她说我爸爸是一个百万富翁。
 杰克：哦，那她肯定接受你的求婚了。
 汤姆：没有。 可是，她已经变成我的继母了。
 
      
    The Mean Mans Party     （源自：外国笑话网）
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to
find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your
elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"

            吝啬鬼餐会      （译文：牛筋）
一个声名狼藉的小气鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：
“你上到五楼，用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么我要用我的肘和脚呢？”
      

        The Mean Mans Party     （源自：外国笑话网）
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to
find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your
elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"
    
         吝啬鬼餐会      （译文：牛筋）
一个声名狼藉的小气鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，
用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么我要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“天哪！” 吝啬鬼回答，“你总不会空着手来吧？”

 
               The professor's Lunch    （源自：英语幽默一刻）

An absent-minded professor was lecturing on anatomy.

"To show you more clearly what I mean, I have here a parcel with a dissected frog. I want
you to examine it very carefully."

The professor unwrapped the parcel and saw that it contained two sandwiches and a hardboiled
egg. Astonished, the professor said:" I was sure I had eaten my lunch, but where is the
frog?"
          教授的午餐       （译文：牛筋）
   一个心不在焉的教授正在进行一个关于解剖学的讲座。
   “为了让你们能够更清楚地明白我的演讲，我在这个包裹里准备了一只解剖过的青蛙。
   我希望你们能够认真观察这只青蛙。”
   教授打开包裹，发现包裹里竟是两块三明治和一个煮熟的鸡蛋。
   教授很吃惊的说：“我确定我已经吃过午餐了，可是那只青蛙哪里去了呢？”

     
     Time for the wedding    （源自：英语笑话网）     

A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

"But officer," the man began, "I can explain."

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until
the chief gets back."

"But, officer, I just wanted to say," "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the
chief's at his daughter's wedding... He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom. "
                   
        为婚礼赶时间      （译文：牛筋）
一位警官拦住了在大街上超速驾驶的一个司机。
“可是，警官，”这个男人开始说，“我能解释原因的。”
“安静点，”警官厉声呵斥道。“我会让你一直老实地呆在监狱，直到长官回来。”
几个小时后，警官对关在监狱里的这个司机说，“你还是很幸运的，长官现在参加他女儿的婚礼......
他回来后心情肯定很好了。”
“别指望了，”小牢房里的这个司机小伙子说，“我就是那个新郎。”
                     
 
                  say 'sir' please
Teacher: (to a new boy) What's your name, my little fellow?
New boy: Erbert Arris.
Teacher: Always say 'sir' please, when you are speaking to master. It's more polite.
New boy: (apologetically) Sir Erbert Arris.

          要叫先生   （译文：牛筋）
老师：（对一位新生说）小同学，你叫什么名字？
新生：我叫赫博特?阿瑞斯。
老师：你跟老师说话时，请叫先生，这样更礼貌点。
新生：（带歉意地）我叫赫博特?阿瑞斯先生。