If you want some excellent suggestions about dealing with people and managing yourself and improving your personality, read Benjamin Franklin’s autobiography---one of the most fascinating life stories ever written, one of the classics of American literature. Ben Franklin tells how he conquered the iniquitous habit of argument and transformed himself into one of the most able, suave and diplomatic men in American history.

 如果你想要一些与人相处、自我管理和改善你行为的好建议，就读一下---史上最迷人的生活故事之一，美国文学的经典之一，本杰明·弗兰克林的自传。本杰明·弗兰克林讲述了他是如何克服了不公正的争论习惯，并将自己转变成美国历史上最能干、最温文尔雅和最善于灵活变通的人之一。

One day, when Ben Franklin was a blundering youth, an old Quaker friend took him aside and lashed him with a few stinging truths, something like this:

 有一天，当时本杰明·弗兰克林还是个浮躁的年轻人，一位贵格会的老朋友将他拉到一旁，用一些让人痛苦的事实刺激他，就像这样：

Ben, you are impossible. Your opinions have a slap in them for everyone who differs with you. They have become so offensive that nobody cares for them. Your friends find they enjoy themselves better when you are not around. You know so much that no man can tell you anything. Indeed, no man is going to try, for the effort would lead only to discomfort and hard work. So you are not likely ever to know any more than you do now, which is every little.

         本，你真是不可理喻。你的观点打了所有与你不同观点的人一巴掌。它们是如此无礼，以至于没有人会关心它们。你的朋友们在你不在时会更好的欣赏自己。你知道的太多，没人能告诉你什么事了。的确，人不会去尝试，因为努力只会导致不安和艰苦的工作。所以，你不太可能比你现在知道的那点微不足道事情更多了。

   One of the finest things I know about Ben Franklin is the way he accepted that smarting rebuke. He was big enough and wise enough to realize that it was true, to sense that he was headed for failure and social disaster. So he made a right-about-face. He began immediately to change his insolent, opinionated ways.

    我所知道本杰明·弗兰克林最好的事情之一就是他接受了令人痛苦指责的那种方式。他很大度，而且足够聪明地认识到事情的真谛，感觉到他正在走向失败和社会灾难。因此，他做了根本改变。他立刻开始改变他的傲慢、固执己见的方式。

   “I made it a rule,” said Franklin, “to forbear all direct contradiction to the sentiment of others, and all positive assertion of my own. I even forbade myself the use of every word or EXPRESSION in the language that imported a fix’d opinion, such as ‘certainly,’ ‘undoubtedly,’ etc., and I adopted, instead of them, ‘I conceive,’ ‘I apprehend,’ or ‘I imagine’ a thing to be so or so, or ‘it so appears to me at present.’ When another asserted something that I thought an error, I deny’d myself the pleasure of contradicting him abruptly, and of showing immediately some absurdity in his proposition: and in answering I began by observing that in certain cases or circumstances his opinion would be right, but in the present case there appear’d  or seem’d to me some difference, etc. I soon found the advantage of this change in my manner; the conversations I engag’d in went on more pleasantly. The modest way in which I propos’d my opinions procur’d them a readier reception and less contradiction; I had less mortification when I was found to be in the wrong, and I more easily prevail’d with others to give up their mistakes and join with me when I happened to be in the right.

“我定了个规矩”，弗兰克林说，“要克制一切对别人看法的直接反驳，以及克制一切我自己肯定的主张。我甚至禁止自己在语言中使用任何带有固定观点的词或表达，比如‘当然’，‘无疑’，等等，作为替代的，我采用‘我设想’，‘我理解’或者‘我想象’事情会是这样的，或那样的，或者‘现在在我看来是这样的’。当另一个人断言了我认为是错误的事情时，我拒绝从硬生生地反驳他，以及立刻表明其主张的某些荒谬中获得的乐趣：而且在回答时，我首先观察到在某些情况或环境下他的观点可能是正确的，但在目前情况下，出现的问题在我看来有些不同，等等。我很快发现了我的态度的这种变化的好处；我参与的谈话进行的更加愉快了。我用谦虚的方式提出意见，使得它们更容易被接受，而且少了矛盾。当我错了的时候，我并没有那么丢脸，而我更容易说服他人放弃他们的错误，并在恰巧我对的时候与我站在一起。

“And this mode, which I at first put on with some violence to natural inclination, became at length so easy, and so habitual to me, that perhaps for these fifty years past no one has ever heard a dogmatical EXPRESSION escape me. And to this habit (after my character of integrity) I think it principally owing that I had earned so much weight with my fellow citizens when I proposed new institutions, or alterations in the old, and so much influence in public council when I became a member; for I was but a bad speaker, never eloquent, subject to much hesitation in my choice of words, hardly correct in language, and yet I generally carried my points.”

“这种方式，一开始我是有点违背天性的，最后对我而言变得是如此容易和习以为常，以至于在过去的50年里从来没有人听说过有教条的表达能逃过我的眼睛。而且对这种习惯（在我正直的性格之后）我想这主要归功于当我建议设立新的制度，或改革旧制度时，我和我的同胞们争得了如此多的分量，以及当我成为一名议员时在公共事务中有这么大的影响力；因为我只是个蹩脚的演说者，从不具备口才，我在选字用词上犹豫不决，语言上几乎一无是处，尽管如此，我通常依然坚持了自己的观点”。

How do Ben Franklin’s method work in business? Let’s take two examples.

那么，本杰明·弗兰克林的方法在商业中是如何起作用的呢？让我们列举两个例子：

Katherine A. Allred of Kings Mountain, North Carolina, is an industrial engineering supervisor for a yarn-processing plant. She told one of our classes how she handled a sensitive problem before and after taking our training:

北卡罗来纳国王山的凯瑟琳·A. 奥尔雷德，是一个纱线加工厂的工业工程管理者。她告诉我们的一个班，在参加我们培训的前后她是如何处理敏感问题的：

“Part of my responsibility,” she reported, “deals with setting up and maintaining incentive systems and standards for our operators so they can make more money by producing more yarn. The system we were using had worked fine when we had only two or THREE different types of yarn, but recently we had expanded our inventory and capabilities to enable us to run more than twelve different varieties. The present system was no longer adequate to pay the operators fairly for the work being performed and give them an incentive to increase production. I had worked up a new system which would enable us to pay the operator by the class of yarn she was running at any one particular time. With my new system in hand, I entered the meeting determined to prove to the management that my system was the right approach. I told them in detail how they were wrong and showed where they were being unfair and how I had all the answers they needed. To say the least, I failed miserably! I had become so busy defending my position on the new system that I had left them no opening to graciously admit their problems on the old one. The issue was dead.

她报告说“我的部分责任是为我们的操作者处理设置和维护激励机制和标准，这样他们就能通过生产更多的纱线赚更多钱。当我们只有两三种纱线时，我们正在使用的这个系统运行良好，但最近我们扩大了库存和能力，使我们能够运营超过12个不同的品种。目前的制度不足以公平地支付正在工作的操作者的报酬和给予他们增加生产的激励。我按照她在任何一个特定时间操作的纱线等级，制定出了一个能使我们支付操作者薪水的新制度。手里有了新制度，我开会决定向管理层证明，我的制度是正确方法。我详细地告诉他们，他们是如何错的，并指出他们哪里不公平，以及我如何获得了他们需要的所有答案。至少可以这么说，我败得很惨！我忙着为自己新制度的立场辩解，以至于没有留给他们时间大方地承认他们在老制度上的问题。该议题便死亡了。

“After several sessions of this course, I realized all too well where I had made my mistakes. I called another meeting and this time I asked where they felt their problems were. We discussed each point, and I asked them their opinions on which was the best way to proceed. With a few low-keyed suggestions, at proper intervals, I let them develop my system themselves. At the end of the meeting when I actually presented my system, they enthusiastically accepted it.

“这门课的几节课程之后，我清晰地认识到我在哪里出了错。我召集了另一个会议，而这次我问他们，他们感觉他们的问题在哪儿。我们讨论了每个问题，而且我问他们哪种是展开的最好方法。用一些低调的建议，每隔一段时间，我让他们自己发展我的制度。在会议结束时，当我实际上展示我的制度时，他们都热情地接受了它。

“I am convinced now that nothing good is accomplished and lot of damage can be done if you tell a person straight out that he or she is wrong. You only succeed in stripping that person of self-dignity and making yourself an unwelcome part of any discussion.”

“我现在确信，如果你直率地告诉一个人他或她错了，那便不会有什么好处，而且会造成很多损失。你只能成功地剥掉那个人的自尊，使你自己成为任何讨论中不受欢迎的一部分。

Let’s take another example---and remember these cases I am citing are typical of the experiences of thousands of other people. R. V. Crowley was a salesman for a lumber company in New York. Crowley admitted that he had been telling hard-boiled lumber inspectors for years that they were wrong. And he had won the arguments too. But it hadn’t done any good. “For these lumber inspectors,” said Mr. Crowley, “are like baseball umpires. Once they make a decision, they never change it.”

让我们再举一个例子---记住我引用的这些案例都是成千上万的其他人典型的经历。R. V. 克罗利是纽约一家木材公司的推销员。克罗利承认，多年来他一直告诉固执的木材检查员，他们错了。而他也赢得了争论。但这并未带来任何好处。“因为这些木材检查员”克罗利先生说，“很像棒球裁判员。一旦他们做出决定，他们从不会改判”。

Mr. Crowley saw that his firm was losing thousands of dollars through the arguments he won. So while taking my course, he resolved to change tactics and abandon arguments. With what results? Here is the story as he told it to the fellow members of this class:

克罗利先生明白，他的公司通过他赢得的争论损失了数千美元。所以在上我的课程时，他决定改变策略，并放弃争论。带来了什么结果呢？下面是他给班上同学讲的故事：

“One morning the phone rang in my office. A hot and bothered person at the other end proceeded to inform me that car of lumber we had shipped into his plant was entirely unsatisfactory. His firm had stopped unloading and requested that we make immediate arrangements to remove the stock from their yard. After about one fourth of the car had been unloaded, their lumber inspector reported that the lumber was running 55 percent below grade. Under the circumstances, they refused to accept it.

“一天早晨，我办公室的电话响了。电话另一端的一位烦躁不安的人通知我，我们已经运到他工厂的木材车辆完全不符合要求。他的公司已停止卸货，并要求我们立刻从他们的场地安排拉走现货。在大约四分之一车的货物已卸下后，他们的木材检查员通报说，运送的木材55%不合格。在这种情况下，他们拒绝接收。

“I immediately started for his plant and on the way turned over in my mind the best way to handle the situation. Ordinarily, under such circumstances, I should have quoted grading rules and tried, as a result of my own experience and knowledge as a lumber inspector, to convince the other inspector that the lumber was actually up to grade, and that he was misinterpreting the rules in his inspection. However, I thought I would apply the principles learned in this training.

“我立刻动身去他的厂里，在路上我一直在捉摸处理这种情况最好的办法。通常来说，在这种情况下我应该引用分级规则，根据我自己的经验和对木材检查员的了解，然后尝试说服另一位检查员，木材实际上是符合等级的，而那位在检查中误解了规则。然而，我想我应该运用在这里训练所学到的原则。

“When I arrived at the plant, I found the purchasing agent and the lumber inspector in a wicked humor, both set for an argument and a fight. We walked out to the car that was being unloaded, and I requested that they continue to unload so that I could see how things were going. I asked the inspector to go right ahead and lay out the rejects, as he had been doing, and to put the good pieces in another pile.

“当我到达工厂时，我发现采购代理和木材检查员都情绪不佳，双方都准备好了争吵和打架。我走到正在卸货的车辆旁，我要求他们继续卸货，这样我就能明白事情出了什么状况。我请求检查员像刚才做的那样直接把不合格的木材摆在一边，而将合格的木材摆在另一堆。

“After watching him for a while it began to dawn on me that his inspection actually was much too strict and that he was misinterpreting the rules. This particular lumber was white pine, and I knew the inspector was thoroughly schooled in hard woods but not a competent, experienced inspector on white pine. White pine happened to be my own strong suit, but did I offer any objection to the way he was grading the lumber? None whatever. I kept on watching and gradually began to ask questions as to why certain pieces were not satisfactory. I didn’t for one instant insinuate that the inspector was wrong. I emphasized that my only reason for asking was in order that we could give his firm exactly what they wanted in future shipments.

“观察了他一会儿，我开始明白了，他的检查实际上太过严格，而且他误解了规则。这种特殊的木材是白松，而且我知道那个检查员在艰苦的树林中受过全面的训练，但对白松来说，他不是一位合格的，有经验的检查员。白松恰好是我的强项，但我能对他分级木材的方法提出异议吗？不能。我继续观察着，逐渐地开始请教有关为什么某些木材不合格的问题。我丝毫没有暗示过检查员错了。我强调，我寻问的唯一理由就是为了我们能在未来的供货中精准地给他公司想要的货物。

“By asking questions in a very friendly, cooperative spirit, and insisting continually that they were right in laying out boards not satisfactory to their purpose, I got him warmed up, and the strained relations between us began to thaw and melt away. An occasional carefully put remark on my part gave birth to the idea in his mind that possibly some of these rejected pieces were actually within the grade that they had bought, and that their requirements demanded a more expensive grade. I was very careful, however, not to let him think I was making an issue of this point.

“通过用非常友好的，合作的精神寻问问题，而且坚持认为他们挑出不合格的木材是正确的，我帮他热了身，而我们之间的紧张关系开始融化。我偶尔小心翼翼的议论让他产生了想法，可能这些被拒绝的木材中有一些实际上在他们购买的等级之内，而且他们的要求是需要一个更贵的等级。然而，我非常小心，不让他以为我在过分强调这点。

“Gradually his whole attitude changed. He finally admitted to me that he was not experienced on white pine and began to ask me questions about each piece as it came out of the car. I would explain why such a piece came within the grade specified, but kept on insisting that we did not want him to take it if it was unsuitable for their purpose. He finally got to the point where he felt guilty every time he put a piece in the rejected pile. And at last he saw that the mistake was on their part for not having specified as good a grade as they needed.

“渐渐地，他整个态度都改变了。他最终向我承认他对白松并不了解，并开始向我请教卸下车的每块木材。我会解释为什么这样的木材属于规定的等级，但我一直坚持如果木材不符合他们的要求，我们并不想让他接收。他终于到了每次他将木材挑到不合格的一堆时他都会感到内疚的程度。终于他明白了，错误在他们一方，因为没有按他们需要的等级选到规定的材料。

“The ultimate outcome was that he went through the entire carload again after I left, accepted the whole lot, and we received a check in full.

“最终的结果是，在我离开后他又把整个车辆查看了一遍，全部接受，而且我们收到了全额支票。