清晨六点，我按下Kindle最后一页的按钮，把它放在床头柜上。

忽然不能自持，眼泪汹涌而至，令我措手不及，哽咽变成小声啜泣，把枕边的人吓了一跳。

我指指身旁的书，说不出话来，过了好半天，舒出一口气，我说：书看完了 - "Me Before You"， 英国女作家Jojo Moyes在2012出版的作品。一个周末的两个晚上加上半个下午，一直放不下，一口气读完。

Will Traynor家境优越，受过良好教育，他年轻有为，是伦敦金融中心前途无量的成功人士，他周游世界，追寻挑战，他的周围，总是围绕着如花似玉的女孩。Louisa Clark的世界，如同一只狭隘的鱼缸，她26岁了，还和父母祖父妹妹和侄儿住在政府分配的两居室公寓里，她从来没有出国旅行，也没有坐过飞机，一份在咖啡馆的工作，做了六年，她有一个交往七年的男朋友，热衷健身跑步，两个人在一起，是顺理成章的事，与爱情毫无关系。

这样的两个人，来自不同的阶层，生活在不同的世界，按理说彼此的生活应该绝无交集。然而天上飞来横祸，处于人生峰巅的Will因车祸造成高位截瘫，除了一只手还有触觉，颈部以下完全丧失知觉。失去咖啡馆工作的Louisa受Will的母亲雇佣六个月，成为他的护工。然而瘫痪前后生活的剧烈反差，病痛的折磨，以及永远无法康复的事实，使Will对生活失去信心，他决定六个月之后去瑞士实施安乐死。无意中得知这个不能言说的秘密，Louisa意识到她的使命是改变Will的想法，还原他的求生愿望。

初始并不愉快，他们可以说是互相憎恨。Will傲慢无礼，拒人千里，Loisa笨拙无趣，木讷生涩。然而如此不可思议的一对，朝夕相处，慢慢渗入对方生活，给彼此带来天翻地覆的变化。书读到这里，我们会预测或期待皆大欢喜的结局，他们照亮彼此的生活，相知，相爱，直到永远。

然而生活不是童话，而Me Before You 是一本描述生活的书，Louisa的所有努力，包括她的爱情，都没能使Will回心转意。最后，他如期去了瑞士，Loisa陪在他的身边。我发现亚马逊把这本书归类于言情小说，如此沉重悲伤的一个结尾，似乎与言情风马牛不相及。我觉得这是一本关于生命的书，“爱情诚可贵，生命价更高”，一个人需要驾驭自己的生命，用自己的方式生活，当这种权利被无情剥夺的时候，结束生命是一种更勇敢的选择，哪怕这会让爱你的人心碎欲裂。很多时候，世俗的爱是远远不够的，它在许多现实障碍面前软弱无力；很多时候，我们无法回馈爱我们的人。生命和爱情都包含了更深的含义。相爱的人，肉体并不能永远相守。尊重他的心愿、他的方式，不成为她一生的负担，都是更无私的深爱。今日清晨，窗外还漆黑一片，我不知即将来临的是否又是阴冷灰暗的一天。如此出乎意料又绝望无情的结局，使我内心遭到悲伤和忧郁的重击。我无法解释自己的失态，只知道我的心被深深触动，少有一本书，能够掀起如此强烈的情感波澜。

喜欢这本书的地方太多了，幽默、真实、优美的的文字，不断转换又衔接得天衣无缝的多个讲述者。安乐死是个敏感的话题，在西方社会争议很大，作者很老道地处理这个主题，它无时不在地埋藏在故事里，与爱情亲情友谊交缠，却从未喧宾夺主。

Louisa试图说服Will，一起去他挚爱的巴黎，重温小巷咖啡馆里的悠闲时光。Will没有答应，因为如今的巴黎，永远不再是过去的巴黎。Will如愿离世之后，Loiusa去了Will从前常常光顾的咖啡馆，带着Will 留给她的一封信：

ONLY TO BE READ IN THE CAFE MARQUIS, RUE DES FRANCS BOURGEOIS, ACCOMPANIES BY CROISSANTS AND A LARGE CAFE CREME.

Clark,

A few weeks will have passed by the time you read this (even given your newfound organizational skills, I doubt you will have made it to Paris before early September). I hope the coffee is good and strong and the croissants fresh and that the weather is still sunny enough to sit outside on one of those metallic chairs that never sit quite level on the pavement. Its not bad, the Marquis. The steak is also good, if you fancy coming back for lunch. And if you look down the road to your left you will hopefully see L'Artisan Parfumeur where, after you read this, you should go and try the scent called something like Papillons Extreme (can't quite remember). I always did think it would smell great on you.

Okay, instructions over. There are a few things I wanted to say and would have told you in person but a) you would have got all emotional and b) you wouldn't have let me say all this out loud. You always did talk too much.

So here it is: the cheque you got in the initial envelope from Michael Lawler was not the full amount, but just a small gift, to help you through your first weeks of unemployment, and to get you to Paris.

When you get back to England, take this letter to Michael in his London office and he will give you the relevant documents so you can access an account he has set up for me in your name. This account contains enough for you to buy somewhere nice to live and to pay for your degree course and your living expenses while your are in full-time education.

My parents will have been told all about it. I hope that this, and Michael Lawler's legal work, will ensure there is as little fuss as possible.

Clark, I can practically hear you starting to hyperventilate from here. Don't start panicking, or trying to give it away - its not enough for you to sit on your arse for the rest of your life. But it should buy you your freedom, both from that little claustrophobic little town we both call home, and from the kind of choices you have so far felt you had to make.

I am not giving the money to you because I want you to feel wistful, or indebted to me, or to feel that it's some kind of bloody memorial.

I'm giving you this because there is not much that makes me happy any more. but you do.

I am concious that knowing me has caused you pain, and grief, and I hope that one day when you are less angry with me and less upset you will see not just that I could only have done the thing that I did, but also this will help you live a really good life, a better life, than if you hadn't met me.

You're going to feel uncomfortable in your new world for a bit. It always does feel strange to be knocked out of your comfort zone. But I hope you feel a bit exhilarated too. Your face when you came back from diving that time told me everything: there is a hunger in you, Clark. A fearlessness. You just buried it, like most people do.

I'm not really telling you to jump off tall buildings or swim with whales or anything (although I would secretly love to think you were), but to live boldly. Push yourself. Don't settle. Wear those stripy legs with pride. And if you insist on settling down with some ridiculous bloke, make sure some of this is squirrelled away somewhere. Knowing you still have possibilities is a luxury. Knowing I might have given them to you has alleviated something for me.

So this is it. You are scored on my heart, Clark. You were from the first day you walked in, with your ridiculous clothes and your bad jokes and your complete inability to ever hide a single thing you felt. You changed my life so much more than this money will ever change yours.

Don't think of me too often. I don't want to think of you getting all maudlin. Just live well.

Just live.

Love, 

Will