原著：Emily Waters 译者：-韩嫣-

原著：Emily Waters 译者：-韩嫣-
5.Fleeting Kindness
稍纵即逝的仁慈

It was early evening by the time Severus finished the lines. He wrote them out dutifully, without cheating, without making his handwriting any larger than it normally would be. Oddly enough, he found that he did not mind this task – the only part of his soul stronger than his pride was the self-loathing it concealed. And that made it virtually effortless to complete it this particular assignment.
在傍晚的时候西弗勒斯完成了书写。他写得尽心尽力，丝毫没有敷衍，他的笔迹大小模样一如往常。奇怪的是，他发现，他并不介意这个任务--他的灵魂唯一强于自尊心的就是其本身--极不愿它被隐瞒。而这使得它几乎毫不费力地完成了这个特殊的任务。
Just as he was finishing, he became aware of Harry standing right next to him, looking over his shoulder. Severus froze involuntarily, as he felt Harry's hand on his back again. But then, to his surprise, Harry took Severus' cramped right hand in his, and slowly, with excruciating gentleness, ran his thumb over his knuckles. Severus only tensed more, but made no move to resist.
他甫一完成，他意识到哈利站在他旁边，自他肩头看过来。当他感到哈利的手放到了他背上，西弗勒斯不可抑制地地愣住了。但是，出乎他的意料，哈利以一种难以忍受的温柔将西弗勒斯的局促不安的右手握在自己手中，将他的拇指放在对方的指关节上。而西弗勒斯只是更紧张了，但没有采取任何行动来抵制。
“Are you hungry?” Harry asked.
“你饿了吗？ ”哈利问道。
“Yes,” Severus answered simply, having no urge to equivocate.
“是的， ”西弗勒斯回答得干脆利落，没有因为一时冲动发挥他拐弯抹角的语言特点。
Harry nodded. “I don't feel much like staying in. Would you like to go out for dinner?”
哈利点点头。 “我不太想再呆在屋里了，你愿意出去吃晚饭吗？ ”
Severus looked at him incredulously. After the brutality of the evening – Harry Potter was going to... take him out to dinner? And he was asking Severus' opinion in the matter?
西弗勒斯难以置信地看着他。在晚上的残酷后--哈利·波特打算……带他出去吃晚饭？而他会在这个问题上询问西弗勒斯的意见？
Harry saw the expression on his face and shrugged. “You don't have to go if you don't want to. You can stay home and eat. I will unlock the fridge. Or I can bring you a takeout meal.”
哈利看到他的脸上的表情，耸了耸肩。 “如果你不想的话，你不用去。你可以留在家里吃饭。我将解锁冰箱。又或者，我可以为你带外卖餐“ 。
Severus opened his mouth to answer, but no sound came out, only because he had no idea what to say.
西弗勒斯张开嘴想回答些什么，但终究没有发出声音，只因为他不知道该说些什么。
Harry smiled unhappily. “Well, what will it be? Are you going to come out and eat, or are you going to sit at the table for the rest of the night, looking like a landed fish?”
哈利带着不悦的情绪笑了笑。 “嗯，这又是什么意思？你要出来吃，或是你决定要像一条搁浅的鱼一样坐在桌边度过余下的夜晚？”
They left shortly afterwards, and walked down the street. The sky was already darkening, and a most of the houses they passed had light in the windows. They walked quietly, almost side by side, but with Harry leading the way, and Severus following closely. It felt stunningly ordinary to stroll down the street, and the pure, unadulterated normalcy of it made the entire last two days seem like a surreal, horrifying nightmare. Harry was walking slowly, apparently absorbed in his own thoughts. Severus was already beginning to wonder if he had imagined imagined everything – this was Harry-bloody-Potter, after all... the prophesied hero, everyone's beloved noble Gryffindor... not some sort of serial killer.
他们不久之后就离开了，走在街上。天空已经变暗，而他们经过的窗子大多也都亮起了光。他们静静地走着，几乎是肩并肩地走着，但显然是哈利领的路，而西弗勒斯仅仅是紧跟他的脚步。这漫步在街上的感觉令人震惊的普通，而它纯粹，无杂质的正常使得刚刚过去的那两天似乎成了一个超现实的，可怕的噩梦。西弗勒斯已经开始怀疑这里的一切都是他的臆想--这是哈利 ·血性·波特，毕竟……他是预言中的英雄，每个人都钟爱高贵的格兰芬多......而不是某种连环杀手。
“What date is it?” Severus asked suddenly.
“如今是什么日子了？”西弗勒斯突然问道。
“April 25 th,” Harry said in a quiet voice. “It's been almost five years.”
“ 4月25日， ”哈利以一个平静的声音说道。 “一切已经过去近五年了。 ”
Five years since Nagini's bite, five years since Harry going to his death, and surviving, five years since Voldemort's defeat.
距离纳吉尼的噬咬，距离哈利面对他的死亡，并最终幸存，距离伏地魔的失利已经过去五年了。
They walked the rest of the way in silence, until they reached a small restaurant. They took a seat at the patio, and the Muggle waitress approached them, handing them the menus. She cast a curious, and not particularly subtle glance at Severus' mark on his forehead, and disappeared promptly. Severus fought back the instant mortified tremor, and kept his face absolutely impassive.
他们以这样一种寂静的方式走完了余下的路，直到他们达到了一个小饭馆。他们挑选了一个庭院中的座位，这时麻瓜女服务员走近他们，交给他们的菜单。她表现出了些许好奇，并不很仔细地看了一眼西弗勒斯额头上的标记，然后迅速离开。
Harry was studying the menu absently, without lifting his eyes. Severus glanced down, decided on his food choice, and closed the booklet.
哈利正在心不在焉地研究菜单，未曾抬起他的眼睛。西弗勒斯看了看，决定了他的晚餐菜色，并合上了小册子。
“That was fast,” Harry said with a grin. “Hermione usually takes forever to decide, and then changes her order five minutes after finally making up her mind.”
“你倒是快得很， ”哈利笑着说。 “赫敏通常要花很多时间来决定吃什么，然后再在她五分钟的举棋不定后最终敲定菜单。 ”
Severus snorted under his breath, and Harry snickered. “Oh well, 'Mione is worth the aggravation... most days.”
西弗勒斯低声哼了一声，哈利窃笑。 “哦，好吧，在这方面赫敏总是有些恼人……大部分情况下。 ”
“Undoubtedly,” Severus said absently. Even though he had no reason to, he found himself relaxing. Whatever demonic grip had come over Harry in the last two days seemed to have lifted, and Harry looked and acted surprisingly ordinary.
“毫无疑问， ”西弗勒斯心不在焉地说。即使他没有理由这样，但他感到自己很放松。无论过去的两天中哈利对他进行了多么邪恶的掌控如今看来都消散了，现在哈利看起来表现得出奇普通。
“So tell me,” Severus asked. “Godric's Hollow is a predominately Muggle settlement, is it not?”
“那么告诉我， ”西弗勒斯问道。 “戈德里克山谷主要来讲是一个麻瓜聚居地，是不是？ ”
“Yes,” Harry said. “Although there are a few wizard households here. Four altogether, to be exact. But we manage to remain inconspicuous. For the most part.”
“是的， ”哈利说。 “虽然仍有一些巫师家庭住在这里。准确而言，只有四家。但我们设法保持低调。在大多数情况下。”
“Hmm,” Severus murmured. “How are you going to explain me to your Muggle neighbors? As an eccentric uncle?”
“嗯， ”西弗勒斯低声说。 “你打算怎么对你的麻瓜邻居解释我的出现？一个古怪的叔叔？ ”
Harry shrugged. “I never had the need to explain anything before. I do not foresee doing so in the future, either. It is what it is.”
哈利耸耸肩。 “在这之前我从来没有必要解释什么。我预见未来也不需要这样做。是什么就是什么。 “
“Indeed,” Severus mused. “How many people live in Godric's Hollow these days?”
“的确， ”西弗勒斯若有所思地说。 “那如今又有多少人住在戈德里克山谷呢？ ”
“About two thousand,” Harry said absently. “It's a small village. Always has been. Really boring and unremarkable – that's why it seemed like such a perfect hiding place, I suppose. Back when...” Harry's voice trailed off, and he looked away.
“大概2000人 ， ”哈利心不在焉地说。 “这是一个小村庄。一直都是。实在很无聊的，并不起眼的小村庄--我想这就是为什么它曾被认为是如此完美的藏身之处。在那时……”“ Harry的声音渐渐熄灭，而他看向别处。
And then, Severus froze, when of its own accord, a simple phrase crossed his mind: I killed them. Severus swore inwardly, and the feeling of normalcy began to dissipate.
然后，西弗勒斯僵住了，当这一切自行发生，一句简单的话掠过他的脑海：我杀了他们。西弗勒斯内心发誓，那种正常的感觉开始消散。
Harry looked at him thoughtfully, his face absolutely unreadable.
哈利看着他若有所思，脸上的表情高深莫测。
The waitress showed up, bringing a pitcher of water and glasses, setting a small tea-light on the table and lighting it. Harry ordered a rainbow trout with rice, and mindlessly, Severus ordered the same. The waitress nodded and fled again.
女服务员出现了，放上了水和杯子，在桌子上点亮了一个小茶灯照明。哈利点了虹鳟鱼饭，和盲目，西弗勒斯要了相同的。服务员点了点头，再次离去。
“I know what you are thinking,” Harry said suddenly. “I can tell.” Severus' hand froze in mid-air, as he was about to pour some water into his glass. “You are trying to decide what is real: this , or what happened back home.”
“我知道你在想什么， ”哈利突然说。 “我可以告诉。 ”西弗勒斯的手停在半空，他正要倒一些水到杯子里。 “你要能确定什么是真实的：这个，或者是回家后发生的事。 ”
Severus nodded slightly, and poured the water in. Harry laughed without mirth.
西弗勒斯微微点头，倒完了水。哈利没有笑意地笑了。
“If you ever figure it out, let me know. I am still trying to understand what exactly happened to me.”
“如果你曾想明白这些，那么请让我知道。我仍然在试图了解在我身上究竟发生了什么 。”
“And what do you suppose happened to you?” Severus asked, his voice carrying just a faint note of sarcasm in it.
“那你猜出发生了什么事吗？”西弗勒斯问道，他的声音中承载着淡淡的讽刺。
He almost expected Harry to pull out the wand and Crucio him in public, but Harry merely shrugged in a withdrawn, absent manner.
他几乎可以预计哈利会拔出魔杖，在公众面前用钻心剜骨惩罚他，但哈利只是以一个孤僻，匮乏的方式耸了耸肩。
“I really don't know,” he said. His face looked suddenly younger, and held a vulnerable, almost childish expression.
“我真的不知道， ”他说。脸上的神情顿时显得年轻起来，并展现出了一种脆弱的，几乎是孩子气的表情。
Severus studied that expression thoughtfully, and then offered: “Tell me. What do you remember?”
西弗勒斯看着那表情若有所思，然后提道： “告诉我。那你还记得什么吗？ “
Harry lowered his eyes, and looked down, his eyes fixed on the flame of the tea-light, dancing between them.
哈利垂下眼睛，向下看去，他的眼睛固定在茶光的火焰上，随着那火光舞动。
“After seeing your memories, I went to look for Voldemort. Not to fight him. To let him kill me...”
“看到你的记忆后，我去找伏地魔。不再攻击他。而让他杀死我...... ”
Even though Severus already knew that, from Hermione's explanation, he was still stunned to hear it.
即使西弗勒斯已经从赫敏的解释知道了这一切，他听到它仍然很吃惊。
“It must have been terrifying,” he said.
“这一定是可怕的， ”他说。
Harry smiled sheepishly. “It was at first. But the deeper I went into the Forest, the easier it got. Besides... I didn't go alone. I used the Resurrection Stone. My parents came with me... and.... it was so good to see them, that I didn't even care that I was about to die ...” Harry swallowed hard, and then continued quietly: “I found Voldemort. He cast the Killing Curse. The last thing I remember was oddly enough, Hagrid, shouting for me, I think he wanted to charge to my rescue or something. Not that he could do anything, mind you. Then, the curse hit me... then, nothing. Until I woke up, and Narcissa Malfoy was checking on me. She lied to Voldemort for me, saved my life.... The rest... well... ” Harry's voice trailed off, and he stared into the space ahead of him.
哈利不好意思地笑了。“这只是开始。但当我越是更深地走进森林，这就越容易达成。而且……我没有一个人去。我用了复活石。我的父母陪伴着我……而且……见到他们真好，我甚至没有关心，我正要死去…… ”哈利咽了口唾沫，然后悄悄地继续说：“我找到了伏地魔。他对我发射了死咒。我记得的最后一件事有些奇怪，海格在喊我，我想他或许负责了我的营救什么的。这并不是说他可以做任何事情，请注意。然后，咒语击中了我……再然后，就什么都没有了。直到我醒来的时候，纳西莎马尔福正在查看我的状况。她为我向伏地魔说了谎，救了我的命……剩下的……没有什么了……”哈利的声音渐渐消失，他凝视着他面前的空间。
“I am sorry,” Severus said awkwardly, but with absolute sincerity.
“对不起， ”西弗勒斯说笨拙，但绝对真诚。
“Don't be sorry for me,” Harry snapped. His voice was sharp and angry again. “What you should be sorry for is your crimes, and that I did not die like you had intended. And believe me, you will be.”
“不要对我说抱歉， ” Harry反驳。他的声音因为愤怒而尖锐了。 “你应该对不起的是你的罪行，而我没死像你本来打算。相信我，你会的。”
“Well,” Severus said tiredly. “I suppose we will just have to see. So what is your guess, Harry? Why didn't you die?”
“嗯，”西弗勒斯疲惫地说。 “我想我们将不得不看看。那你的猜测是什么，哈利？你为什么没死？ ”
Harry shrugged once more. “Who knows,” he muttered. “Maybe I did die. Maybe something else, or someone else, came back in my place. Maybe this isn't really me.” He gazed at Severus piercingly, as if issuing a challenge, and Severus rose to the bait.
哈利耸了耸肩。 “谁知道呢， ”他喃喃地说。 “也许我真的死了。也许别的东西，或别人，回来后降临在我的身体内。也许这是不是真的我。 “他刺骨地凝视着西弗勒斯，仿佛是在发出挑战，而西弗勒斯显然中圈套了。
“You would like to believe that, wouldn't you?” Severus said dryly. “That the barbaric things you are about to inflict on me are not really a part of you. That they are coming from another source. Let me assure you: they are you. You have inherited your father's cruelty. Your abusive upbringing, and years of manipulation at the hands of your elders, including me, left you embittered and hateful. And now, that you have the power, you can finally stop censoring yourself, and let it all loose. The fact that I am not an innocent victim, should make it so much more satisfying; not to mention, a great deal easier.”
“你想相信那些，不是吗？ ”西弗勒斯冷冷地说。“要将这野蛮的事情加害与我并不是你的本意。它们来自另一种来源。让我向你保证：它们是来源于你本性的。你继承了你父亲的残酷。托您那恶劣的教养的福，以及多年受到您的长辈，包括我，一手操纵的经历，令你受苦且愈加痛恨。而现在，你终于有权力，你终于可以停止审查自己，让这一切开释。而如今，我不是一个无辜的受害者这一事实，该让您多么满意啊；更何况，这对您而言是一个很大的方便。”
Harry's face stiffened into an impassive mask. “You really think so? That's all there is?” he asked with an odd calmness.
哈利的脸僵硬成冷漠的面具。 “你真的这么认为吗？这就是你所认为的所有？ ”他以一种奇怪而平静的语调问道。
“Yes, Mr. Potter. You are what they call a psychopath. You act in public a certain way, but in your private life, you are a different person. I am afraid there is no cure for this condition.”
“是的，波特先生。你就是人们所谓的心理变态。你在公共场合的行为循规蹈矩，但在你的私人生活中，你又是一个不同的人。而恐怕目前还没有办法治愈这种疾病。 ”
Harry smiled a little. “You make it sound like we are both damned.”
哈利微微一笑。 “你让这一切听起来好像是我们都该死似的。 ”
“I certainly am,” Severus said easily. “But I have already resigned myself to that. You, however, may still have hope.”
“我当然是这么个意思， ”西弗勒斯轻松地说。 “但是我已经令自己屈从于它。然而，你，可能还是有希望的。 “
“Hope,” Harry repeated absently, with an odd glint in his eye. “And what might that be?”
“希望， ”哈利心不在焉地重复，他的眼睛古怪地闪烁着。 “那又会是怎样的东西呢？ ”
“Learn to control your emotions, like I've been telling you all along,” Severus said bluntly. “Learn to reign in your desire for cruelty. Remind yourself that some things are more important than personal gratification. You might also consider giving up some of the power you are holding. A twenty-three year old unruly, vindictive brat with Three Deathly Hallows in his hands, heading the Ministry of Magic is a sure recipe for disaster.”
“学会控制自己的情绪，就像我一直告诉你，一直以来， ”西弗勒斯直言不讳地说。“学会统治你残酷的欲望。提醒自己，有些时候并不是个人的满足更重要。你也可以考虑放弃一些你持有的力量。一个二十三岁的放浪不羁，年少气盛的小子有三个死亡圣器在手，又主持着魔法部是一个肯定的灾难。”
“You make it sound so logical,” Harry said. “Unfortunately, I have passed the point of no return. I will never give up the power – I am too used to it by now. And it feels too good to have it.”
“你说的那么合乎逻辑的， ”哈利说。 “不幸的是，我已经走上了这条不归路。我永远不会放弃的力量 - 我现在太习惯这一切了。而且感觉拥有它好得很。 ”
Harry's blunt candor stunned him, but Severus was not at all surprised by the content of his statement.
哈利直言不讳的坦率打晕了他，但西弗勒斯并不由他发言的内容感到惊讶。
The waitress showed up again, bringing the food – two dishes of grilled rainbow trout, served over a rice pilaf. Severus stuck the fork in the fish, turning it – and realizing that he had made a mistake with the food choice – the amount of extremely thin, needle sharp bones was going to make the meal absolutely torturous. Harry saw the expression on his face and chuckled, then pointed his wand at the fillet on Severus' plate, and with a quick spell, removed the plethora of bones from it.
女服务员再次出现，带来了食物--两份烤虹鳟鱼盖饭。西弗勒斯叉住鱼，转了转它--而后意识到他在食物选择上犯了一个错误--极薄的，针一般尖锐的骨头令这顿饭变成了绝对的折磨。哈利看到他脸上的表情呵呵一笑，然后他的魔杖指上西弗勒斯的餐盘，并快速用咒语取出过多的骨头。
“Thank you,” Severus said softly.--
“谢谢你， ”西弗勒斯轻声说。 --
“Welcome,” Harry answered absently.
“不客气， ”哈利心不在焉地回答。
They started eating, and Severus watched Harry with surprise.
他们开始进餐，而西弗勒斯惊讶地看着哈利。
“Severus,” Harry spoke with sudden gentleness. “If you like... I will permit you to have some innocent ways of amusing yourself while I am not around.”
“西弗勒斯， ”哈利突然温柔地说。 “如果你乐意……我会允许你进行一些无害的娱乐，当我不在你身边时。 ”
“That would be just lovely,” Severus said, not bothering to banish sarcasm from his voice. “A hobby? Knitting, perhaps? I could compete with Molly Weasley as to who might produce the most hideous sweater...”
“这真是太好了， ”西弗勒斯说，他的声音毫无掩饰地释放着嘲讽。 “这个娱乐会是什么？针织，也许？我可以莫莉韦斯莱竞争谁可能织出最可怕的毛衣……
”
Harry smirked. “Well, let's not go nuts. I'm not going to waste money on yarn. But I have no objections to you bringing some of your old books and belongings to the house.”
哈利假笑。 “好了，不要再去瞎想了。我不会在故事上浪费钱。但我不反对你把你的一些旧的书籍和物品带回去。 ”
“I have no belongings, or books,” Severus said flatly. “Everything I owned is gone.”
“我没有什么财产，或书籍， ”西弗勒斯平淡地说。 “一切我拥有的已经一去不复返了。 ”
“Nothing is gone,” Harry said with a strange, quiet sadness. “Hermione and Ron saved it all. Everything is at your old house at Spinner's End. Your books, your writings, your clothes, even some ridiculous old toys...”
“没有任何东西遗失了， ”哈利以一种奇怪而安静的忧伤说到。 “赫敏和罗恩拯救了这一切。一切都在你的老房子在蜘蛛尾巷。你的书，你的作品，你的衣服，甚至有些可笑的旧玩具...... ”
Severus almost forgot to breathe at the revelation. “Really?” he asked in a voice that was barely audible.
西弗勒斯仿佛忘记了呼吸的意义。 “真的吗？ ”他以一种几乎听不见的声音问道。
“Yes, really,” Harry said. “In a few days, I'll get Ron to take you there and help you bring some of the stuff back. I'll set some limits on what you may own, but... at least you won't be stuck re-reading the same Herbology text for the next forty years.”
“是的，真的， ”哈利说。 “再过几天，我会让罗恩带你去那儿，并帮你带些东西回来。我将为你的拥有权做一定的限制，但是……至少你不会在以后的四十年被迫反复阅读相同的草药学文本。 “
Severus resisted the sudden ridiculous urge to thank his tormentor. “And pray, why would you do such a kind thing for me?”
西弗勒斯抑制住突然而来的荒谬的冲动，去感谢他的折磨。“那万分感激，为什么你愿意给予我这样的仁慈呢？”
Harry glanced up at him, smiling bitterly.
哈利抬起头看着他，苦涩地微笑着。
“You seem to be more unnerved by kindness, than Cruciatus.”
“看起来善待给你带来的不安比钻心剜骨更甚。 ”
Severus snorted, feigning indifference. He did not want to admit it, but Harry was right. Kindness always unnerved him, but kindness coming from his abuser was not merely disconcerting – it was dreadful.
西弗勒斯哼了一声，假装冷漠。他不想承认这一点，但哈利是正确的。善待总是能吓坏他，但来自他施虐者的善待带来的兵不仅仅是不安 - 这简直堪称可怕。
Harry was watching him intently. A faint shadow of regret crossed Harry's face, and then his expression became unreadable again.
哈利目不转睛地看着他。一点淡淡的歉意划过哈利的脸，然后他的表情又变得不可读。
“Don't worry about it,” Harry said very softly. “Kindness, that is. It won't last. It never does.”
“别担心， ”哈利说得很温柔。 “善待，那的确是。但它不会持续的。它永远不会“ 。

To Be Continued...    
待续……