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打工手记【81】翻译之水喻(I)【10月22日多云上午】

(2018-10-22 08:50:48)
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翻译之水喻

分类: 翻译探索
题图:桂香时节
打工手记【81】翻译之水喻(I)【10月22日多云上午】

雨夜,读译稿,忽然想到,若把翻译比作“水”,倒有文章可做。
一、兑水与脱水
对照原文读译文,乃学习翻译之一条捷径。鉴别源自比较,鉴别综合了感性和理性的心理活动,咀嚼之间,可砥砺语感,提振译兴。有时,译文该简不简,添枝加叶,啰啰嗦嗦,一如“兑水”之译;有时,原文该译处不译,一如“脱水”之译。 
1/ But there are days when you feel exhausted for no reason. You had plenty of rest the night before...
原译:然而有时你也会没有由来地感到疲惫不堪。昨天晚上明明睡眠充足,黑甜乡里好梦连连。
小析:You had plenty of rest the night before... 语义明晰简单,“睡眠充足”四字足以达意。“黑甜乡里好梦连连”纯属“兑水”。何况,“黑甜乡”三字为不规范之汉语表达。上乘译文必然紧随原文的行文简繁的风格。
改译:然而,有时你也会莫名其妙地感到疲乏。明明你昨夜睡眠充足……。
上译“兑水”,下译则有“脱水”之嫌。
2/ Fear makes you tense your muscles, which leads to fatigue, just as if you were out chopping wood.
原译:恐惧会让你肌肉紧张,从而造成疲劳。 
小析:just as if you were out chopping wood是原句的精彩比喻,说明心理紧张与干重活一样,令肌肉处于紧张状态,从而产生疲劳感。译者对此比喻视而不见,或见而不译,译文对原文作了“脱水”处理,译文就显得干巴巴了。
改译:恐惧会让你肌肉紧张,导致疲惫,就像你在外劈过柴一样。
“兑水”和“脱水”乃翻译一忌!
英国的翻译理论家Peter Newmark在他的Approaches to Translation一书中曾经指出:
Translation is a craft consisting in the attempt to replace a written message and/or statement in one language by the same message and/or statement in another language. Each exercise involves some kind of loss of meaning, due to a number of factors. It provokes a continuous tension, a dialectic, an argument based on the claims of each language. The basic loss is on a continuum between overtranslation (increased detail) and undertranslation (increased generalization) 
译文:翻译是一种“手艺”,在于它试图把一种语言表达的某一书面信息和/陈述转换为用另一种语言表达的同样信息和/陈述。每一次转换会因诸多因素而造成意义缺失。它会引起基于两种语言各自的特点基础上的不断的分歧,对立和争议。基本的损失是过度翻译(增加的细节)和不足翻译(过度的概括)之间的连续体。 
笔者认为,Peter Newmark认定的翻译中的basic loss: overtranslation (increased detail)和undertranslation (increased generalization),在上面的两句翻译中可以得以印证,形象地说,前者为“兑水翻译”,而后者则为“脱水翻译”。
二、顺水推舟 
3/ The pressure of a deadline can leave you wiped out for the afternoon. 
原译:最后的期限所带来的压力可能使你在下午感到昏昏欲睡。
小析:估计原译者对上句中的动词短语wiped out没有查阅词典。《英汉大词典》(p.2185)赫然写着:be wiped out(美俚)累得要命;筋疲力尽。《金山词霸》也对wiped out作释:精疲力竭的。昏昏欲睡≠累得要命;精疲力竭。后者在程度上要强烈得多。
为何原译者会将wiped out译成“昏昏欲睡”呢?这是一个很有趣的问题,大而言之,这是一个“翻译心理学”的命题了。原文的上文出现了类似“昏昏欲睡”一类的表达,如:
...you may find yourself feeling tired in the afternoon.
This should help you avoid those mid-afternoon slumps? 
A lack of water can cause a decrease in blood volume, and that can bring on fatigue.
...and cough syrups can make you drowsy.
这四句中先后出现了feeling tired/mid-afternoon slumps/fatigue/drowsy一类近义词,或同义词,其含义均不外乎“疲乏;疲惫;嗜睡”。因此,当译者译至...can leave you wiped out for the afternoon的时候,短暂的思维定势就起作用了,“顺水推舟”地将它译成“使你在下午感到昏昏欲睡”。
改译:某事的“最后期限”所带来的压力可能使你整个下午累得要命。
当然,“顺水推舟”,有时也是一种有用的翻译技巧,对原文的内涵逻辑作自然引申,令译文的可读性更强。
     4/ Previously, if I had been really interested in a book, I would race from page to page, eager to know what came next. Now, I decided, I had to become a miser with words and stretch every sentence like a poor man spending his last dollar. 
     原译:以前,如果我对一册书感兴趣,我会一页一页地浏览,欲知其下回如何分解。如今,我决定要成为一个小气鬼,对词汇和句子都一样,像穷人花费他的最后一块钱似地。
     小析:译笔放不开,原句的精彩失落矣。是否能“顺水推舟”,如此演绎:
     A miser with words → 对词汇要像守财奴那样不轻易放过;
stretch every sentence like a poor man spending his last dollar  → 像穷人过日子,把每个句子当作身边最后一块钱,省吃俭用,慢慢花费。
如此“推舟”,是据原句内涵逻辑,得出增译,不仅丰富了其原有内涵,译文也更顺畅,更有味。
改译:在那以前,要是对一本书真感兴趣,我往往一页一页拼命往下翻,急于要知道下文的究竟。现在我拿定主意,对一个个单词,要像守财奴那样不轻易放过,而且要像穷人过日子,把每个句子当作身边最后一块钱,省吃俭用,慢慢花费。
“顺水推舟”乃译途常见一景,关键是“推”之有理。
三、遇水须搭桥
翻译,非花前赏月,湖畔漫步之“雅举”,而是一种译途跋涉,其间必遇关隘险阻。所谓逢山须开路,遇水须搭桥。
“搭桥”必是花功夫、动脑筋之“苦役”。若是“遇水绕道”,虽省心省力,却经不起别人拿出原文对照,译者于心何忍?
5/ Sure, you know that certain antihistamines, cold medications and cough syrups can make you drowsy. But you may not have known that the list of potential energy sappers features many other familiar drugs that can cause drowsiness in some people.
原译:你当然清楚某些抗组胺药物,感冒药及止咳糖浆等会让人昏昏欲睡。但你也许不知道另外一些药物也能破坏体能,造成某些人的瞌睡感。
小析:原译,遇水则“绕道”矣。
“不知道另外一些药物也能破坏体能,造成某些人的瞌睡感”的译文,读似清通,其实经不起对照阅读。
若将you may not have known that the list of potential energy sappers features many other familiar drugs that can cause drowsiness in some people 比作“水”,那么,翻译不应绕“水”而行。此句正是原句难点之所在。
a. 从句中的主语the list of potential energy sappers到底指什么?
b. 从句中的谓语features又是什么意思?
这两点不能“绕过”,务必在译文中有所体现。
笔者通过E-mail,和美国两教授联络,她们的答复如下:
Dorine教授认为:
a. to sap one’s energy = to suck the energy out of a person; an energy sapper is something that saps your energy, or drains it out of you.
b. to feature = to show in a prominent place
Dorine教授提供的paraphrase是:
a. The list of drugs that contain ingredients capable of wearing down your energy is filled with many other drugs, familiar to many people, which make them sleepy.
b. The list of drugs that will cause a person’s energy to leak out is filled with many common drugs that make most people sleepy.
Rosemary教授认为:
The word “sapper” is an informal adaptation of the verb “to sap”, which means to weaken. So a “sapper” is something that weakens or depletes.
“Features” in this context means includes. This is also an adaptation of the noun “feature”, which means a quality of something, so “to feature” means to show the qualities of something (to show what it includes).
Rosemary教授的paraphrase是:The list of possible agents of energy depletion includes many other familiar drugs that can cause drowsiness in some people.
改译:当然,你明白有些抗组胺药物,感冒药和止咳糖浆会令你瞌睡。但是,也许你尚不知单子所列的潜在的消耗我们体能的药物中包括了许多我们熟悉的药物,这些药物对某一部分人来说也会引起瞌睡。
 
【未完待续】

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