4/ All of my memories were not confined to the apartment building, however, I have memories of many adventures outside of the building, also. My mother restricted how far we could go from the apartment building, but this placed no restrictions on our exploring instinct. There was a small branch in back of the building where my friends and I would play. We enjoyed it there because honeysuckles grew there. We would go there to lie in the shade and suck the sweet smelling honeysuckles. Our biggest thrill in the branch was the day the police caught an alligator there. I did not see the alligator and I was not there when they caught it, but just the thought of an alligator in the branch was exciting. 

原译：不过，我全部的记忆不仅限于这座公寓楼，还有外面的种种冒险经历。妈妈规定我们跑得不能离公寓楼太远，但这点距离却限制不住我们的探险本能。房子后面有一条小溪，我和朋友们常去那儿玩。我们喜欢那儿，因为那儿有忍冬花。我们总到那儿去，躺在树荫里，吮吸着忍冬花的芳香。最让人兴奋的，是警察在小溪里捉到一条鳄鱼的那一天。我没看到鳄鱼，因为捉它的时候我没在那儿。可只要一想起小溪里有鳄鱼，就令人兴奋。

Our biggest thrill in the branch was the day the police caught an alligator there. I did not see the alligator and I was not there when they caught it, but just the thought of an alligator in the branch was exciting. 

所谓语篇意识，不仅仅指是否使用connective的形合和意合的问题。英语重形合，缺乏必要的connective的表达，英语视之为拙句，但是，文意的跳脱，文脉的崎岖，英语同样视之为拙句。译者的语篇应敏锐地捕捉原文行文之缺陷，并适当加以“修复”。这种“修复”，可能是表层的，也可能是文意，或文脉层次上的“起承转合”。

以上段为例，诵读之下，译者可明显地感觉到：Our biggest thrill →I did not see the alligator → but just the thought of an alligator…存在着文意上的“泄气”， 文脉有虎头蛇尾之嫌。而原译则没有意识到这一点，作了直译，毫无“修补”：    

最让人兴奋的，是警察在小溪里捉到一条鳄鱼的那一天。我没看到鳄鱼，因为捉它的时候我没在那儿。可只要一想起小溪里有鳄鱼，就令人兴奋。

在Our biggest thrill →I did not see the alligator之间，略作添译，行文在文意上的衔接和连贯就会面目一新。 

改译：

不过，这座公寓大楼并不是我记忆的全部，大楼外还有许多难忘的冒险经历。妈妈曾经定下规矩，比如规定我们能够离开公寓大楼多远，但是，这种距离的限制在我们的探险本能面前毫无作用。大楼后面流淌着一条小河，我们常去那儿玩。我们爱上那儿玩，因为那儿有忍冬花。我们总到那儿去，躺在树荫里，贪婪地吮吸着花的芳香。不过，爆出最大惊喜的一天是：警察在小河里捉到一条鳄鱼！我没看到鳄鱼，当时，我不在场，不过，这又何妨？只要一想起这条河里有鳄鱼，就足以让我激动好一阵。

    

5/ This is how I remembered the old neighborhood; however, as I said, this is not how it was when I saw it.

    原译：这就是我记忆中的故居；可是，正如我所说的，见到它时，它已经面目全非。

译者在译as I said这个短语时，译笔显得有点僵硬，“正如我所说的”的措辞与全篇不吻。假如译者能更多地着眼全篇，就会发现，所谓as I said实际是指本文第一段的However, what I saw and what I remembered were not the same. I sadly realized that the best memories are those left undisturbed.因此，as I said这个插入语可以译得更轻巧些。

改译：这就是我记忆中的故居；可是，我已经说过，故地重游，它已经面目全非。

【未完待续】