一篇短文，收入美国的Reader’s Digest，流传甚广，标题是：My Old Neighborhood。本文拟从一个新视角对原译作改译和小析 – 篇章。所谓篇章，乃相对字词句而言。简言之，翻译时，译者不仅要眼盯字、词、句，还要放眼整个篇章。有了篇章视角，得到的译文自然就不一样。

1/ My Old Neighborhood

原译：故宅重游

    改译：故地重游

    小析：标题是篇章的“眼睛”，译者应学会“画龙点睛”。标题看似简单，其实是作者苦心思索的结果。标题凌驾于篇章之上，却植根于篇章之中。只有放眼整个篇章，标题翻译方能精准可读。本文第3自然段的段首就赫然写着：

All of my memories were not confined to the apartment building; however, I have memories of many adventures outside of the building, also.

    据此，将本文的标题译成“故宅重游”显然“捉襟见肘”。改译：故地重游。“故地”者，“曾居住过的地方”也。（参见《现代汉语词典》p.454）

    2/ Several years ago I returned to Washington, D. C., and visited one of my old neighborhoods. I had been on Nash Street for more than twenty years and as I walked along the street, my mind was flooded by waves of nostalgia. I saw the old apartment building where I had lived and the playground where I had played. As I viewed these once familiar surroundings, images of myself as a child there came to mind. However, what I saw and what I remembered were not the same. I sadly realized that the best memories are those left undisturbed.

    原译：几年前我回到了华盛顿，重访我的一处故居。我曾在“纳什”街上住过二十多年。走在这条街上，怀旧之情如浪奔涌。看到了我曾住过的老公寓楼和玩耍过的空场。看着这些曾经熟悉的景物，自己儿时的形象又浮现在脑际。然而，看到的和想到的却不尽相同。我忧虑地意识到：最美好的记忆就是那些一经封存，便不再启封的东西。

小析：诵读译文，其中一句“看到了我曾住过的老公寓楼和玩耍过的空场。”给读者行文跳脱的感觉。

添译，是获取连贯的有效手段。

I saw the old apartment building where I had lived and the playground where I had played.

    是否可译：

我又见到了曾经住过的老公寓大楼和曾经玩耍过的场所。

此外，原文作者感情凝重，反映在措辞上，就应求文句之工整，文势之舒缓。如：

However, what I saw and what I remembered were not the same. 

句中的what I saw and what I remembered系平行结构（parallelism），其中的what I saw 和 what I remembered结构完整，表达充分。两个名词从句中的主语I，在译文中不应省略。

可是，我们读到的译文却失之过简，无端省略了主语I：然而，看到的和想到的却不尽相同。这与通篇的情感氛围难以相吻。

改译：

几年前，我回到了首都华盛顿，重访我的一处故居。我曾在纳什街上居住了二十多年。现在，走在这条街上，怀旧之情澎湃于心间。我又见到了曾经住过的老公寓大楼和曾经玩耍过的场所。目睹这些曾经熟悉的环境，儿时的我又浮现脑际。然而，我此时所见与我此时所忆，竟然相去甚远。我不无伤心地意识到，最美好的记忆是那些尘封的记忆。

    3/ As I remember my old apartment building, it was bright and alive. When I was a child, the apartment building was more than just a place to live. It was a medieval castle, a pirate’s den, a space station, or whatever my young mind could imagine. I would steal away with my friends and play in the basement. This was always exciting because it was so cool and dark, and there were so many things there to hide among. Our favorite place to play was the coal bin. We would always use it as our rocket ship because the coal chute could be used as an escape hatch out of the basement into “outer space”. 

原译：在我的记忆中，住过的公寓楼明亮而富有生气。小时候，这座楼不仅是住的地方，还是中世纪的城堡，海盗的巢穴和太空站，是幼小的脑袋能想象到的任何东西。我常常和朋友们偷偷溜出来，到地下室去玩。每一次这样干都很激动，因为地下室里又凉又暗，有那么多东西可以藏身。我们最喜欢去玩的地方是煤仓。我们总是把它当成太空船。因为运煤道可以当成从地下室逃到“外层空间”的紧急出口。

小析：着眼语篇，译者的“眼界”便趋于开阔，能从更大的范畴去审视原文的遣词，因此，对于某些词汇的含义会看地更真切,比如原句里的形容词bright，原译对其理解较为褊狭。比如：

As I remember my old apartment building, it was bright and alive. → 在我的记忆中，住过的公寓楼明亮而富有生气。

将bright译“明亮”，多有不妥。“明亮”仅表述外观，而故地重游的作者，更多联想不在事物的简单表象，而是停留在更加深刻的层次上。bright是否可以理解为 happy; cheerful （ 幸福的；欢快的）？

When I was a child, the apartment building was more than just a place to live. It was a medieval castle, a pirate’s den, a space station, or whatever my young mind could imagine. → 小时候，这座楼不仅是住的地方，还是中世纪的城堡，海盗的巢穴和太空站，是幼小的脑袋能想象到的任何东西。

译文缺乏“连贯”。初读，甚至会引起费解：这到底是一幢什么建筑？

究其原因，可能是译者不能审之于“语篇对照”。与同类文章相比，此文，激情充沛，弥漫着想象活力，暗喻叠现。原译仅着眼表层，“不仅是…还是…”的平淡结构抹掉了原文的这种精神。

This was always exciting because it was so cool and dark, and there were so many things there to hide among.

原译：每一次这样干都很激动，因为地下室里又凉又暗，有那么多东西可以藏身。

“连贯”，是否可视作语篇意识之衍生，据此，译笔能摆脱拘谨，摆脱机械直译。比如原句中的there were so many things there to hide among被译得“老实巴交”：有那么多东西可以藏身。下文的coal bin，就是对many things的一种具体暗示，翻译时，不妨略作添译。 

全段改译：我回忆起当年的老公寓大楼，那是欢快的、热闹的。小时候，这幢岂只是一个住所！那简直就是一个中世纪的城堡，一个海盗窝，一个太空站，或者是我幼小的头脑能够想象出来的任何名堂。我常常和朋友们偷偷溜出来，到地下室去玩耍。我们每一次都玩地很开心，那里凉飕飕的，黑黝黝的，还堆放了那么多可以藏身的杂物。我们最喜欢去玩的地方是煤仓。我们总是把它当成火箭宇宙飞，因为加煤的滑槽可以当成从地下室逃到“外层空间”的紧急出口。 

【未完待续】