My Old Neighborhood
原译：故宅重游
改译：故地重游
小析：标题是篇章的“眼睛”，译者应学会“画龙点睛”。标题看似简单，其实是作者苦心思索的结果。标题凌驾于篇章之上，却植根于篇章之中。只有结合整个篇章，标题翻译方能完美成功。本文第3自然段的段首就赫然写着：All of my memories were not confined to the apartment building, however, I have memories of many adventures outside of the building, also.
据此，将本文的标题译成“故宅重游”显然“捉襟见肘”。试译：故地重游。“故地”者，“曾居住过的地方”也。（参见《现代汉语词典》p.454）
------------------------------------
    1/ Several years ago I returned to Washington, D. C., and visited one of my old neighborhoods. I had been on Nash Street for more than twenty years and as I walked along the street, my mind was flooded by waves of nostalgia. I saw the old apartment building where I had lived and the playground where I had played. As I viewed these once familiar surroundings, images of myself as a child there came to mind. However, what I saw and what I remembered were not the same. I sadly realized that the best memories are those left undisturbed.
    原译：几年前我回到了华盛顿，重访我的一处故居。我曾在“纳什”街上住过二十多年。走在这条街上，怀旧之情如浪奔涌。看到了我曾住过的老公寓楼和玩耍过的空场。看着这些曾经熟悉的景物，自己儿时的形象又浮现在脑际。然而，看到的和想到的却不尽相同。我忧虑地意识到：最美好的记忆就是那些一经封存，便不再启封的东西。
    小析：诵读译文，其中一句“看到了我曾住过的老公寓楼和玩耍过的空场。”给读者行文跳脱的感觉，“前不着村，后不着店”。
    添译，是获取连贯的有效手段。
    I saw the old apartment building where I had lived and the playground where I had played.
    是否可译：
    我又见到了曾经住过的老公寓大楼和曾经玩耍过的场所。
    此外，原文作者感情凝重，反映在措辞上，就显得文句工整，文势舒缓。如：
    However, what I saw and what I remembered were not the same.
    句中的what I saw and what I remembered系平行结构（parallelism），其中的what I saw 和 what I remembered结构完整，感情充沛。两个名词从句中的主语I，在译文中不应省略。
    可是，我们读到的译文却失之过简，无端省略了主语I：然而，看到的和想到的却不尽相同。这与通篇的情感氛围不吻。
    改译：
    几年前，我回到了首都华盛顿，重访我的一处故居。我曾在纳什街上居住了二十多年。现在，走在这条街上，怀旧之情澎湃心间。我又见到了曾经住过的老公寓大楼和曾经玩耍过的场所。目睹这些曾经熟悉的环境，儿时的我又浮现在脑际。然而，我此时所见与我此时所忆，竟然相去甚远。我不无伤心地意识到，最美好的记忆是那些尘封的记忆。

    2/ As I remember my old apartment building, it was bright and alive. When I was a child, the apartment building was more than just a place to live. It was a medieval castle, a pirate’s den, a space station, or whatever my young mind could imagine. I would steal away with my friends and play in the basement. This was always exciting because it was so cool and dark, and there were so many things there to hide among. Our favorite place to play was the coal bin. We would always use it as our rocket ship because the coal chute could be used as an escape hatch out of the basement into “outer space”.
    原译：在我的记忆中，住过的公寓楼明亮而富有生气。小时候，这座楼不仅是住的地方，还是中世纪的城堡，海盗的巢穴和太空站，是幼小的脑袋能想像到的任何东西。我常常和朋友们偷偷溜出来，到地下室去玩。每一次这样干都很激动，因为地下室里又凉又暗，有那么多东西可以藏身。我们最喜欢去玩的地方是煤仓。我们总是把它当成太空船。因为运煤道可以当成从地下室逃到“外层空间”的紧急出口。
    小析：着眼语篇，译者的“眼界”便趋于开阔，能从更大的范畴去审视原文的遣词，因此，对于某些词汇的含义会看地更真切,比如原句里的形容词bright，原译对其理解较为偏狭。比如：
As I remember my old apartment building, it was bright and alive. → 在我的记忆中，住过的公寓楼明亮而富有生气。
    将bright译 “明亮”，即为败笔。“明亮”仅表述外观，而故地重游的作者，更多联想不在事物的表层，而是停留在更深的层次上。bright是否可以理解为 happy; cheerful （ 幸福的；欢快的）？
    When I was a child, the apartment building was more than just a place to live. It was a medieval castle, a pirate’s den, a space station, or whatever my young mind could imagine. → 小时候，这座楼不仅是住的地方，还是中世纪的城堡，海盗的巢穴和太空站，是幼小的脑袋能想像到的任何东西。
    此译缺乏“连贯”。初读，甚至会引起费解：这到底是一幢什么建筑？
    究其原因，可能是译者不能审之于“语篇对照”。与同类文章相比，此文，激情充沛，弥漫着想象活力，暗喻叠现。原译仅着眼表层，“不仅是…还是…”的平淡结构被抹掉了原文的这种精神。
    This was always exciting because it was so cool and dark, and there were so many things there to hide among.
    原译：每一次这样干都很激动，因为地下室里又凉又暗，有那么多东西可以藏身。
    译文的“连贯”意识，意味着译者的译笔能更多地摆脱拘谨，靠近“创作”；更多地摆脱机械直译，靠近灵活的意译。比如原句中的there were so many things there to hide among就译得“老实”：有那么多东西可以藏身。下文的coal bin，就是对many things的一种具体暗示，翻译时，不妨略作添译。
    全段改译：我回忆起当年的老公寓大楼，那是欢快的、热闹的。小时候，这幢岂只是一个住所！那简直就是一个中世纪的城堡，一个海盗窝，一个太空站，或者是我幼小的头脑能够想象出来的任何名堂。我常常和朋友们偷偷溜出来，到地下室去玩耍。我们每一次都玩地很开心，那里凉飕飕的，黑黝黝的，还堆放了那么多可以藏身的杂物。我们最喜欢去玩的地方是煤仓。我们总是把它当成火箭宇宙飞，因为加煤的滑槽可以当成从地下室逃到“外层空间”的紧急出口。

    3/ All of my memories were not confined to the apartment building, however, I have memories of many adventures outside of the building, also. My mother restricted how far we could go from the apartment building, but this placed no restrictions on our exploring instinct. There was a small branch in back of the building where my friends and I would play. We enjoyed it there because honeysuckles grew there. We would go there to lie in the shade and suck the sweet smelling honeysuckles. Our biggest thrill in the branch was the day the police caught an alligator there. I did not see the alligator and I was not there when they caught it, but just the thought of an alligator in the branch was exciting.
    原译：不过，我全部的记忆不仅限于这座公寓楼，还有外面的种种冒险经历。妈妈规定我们跑得不能离公寓楼太远，但这点距离却限制不住我们的探险本能。房子后面有一条小溪，我和朋友们常去那儿玩。我们喜欢那儿，因为那儿有忍冬花。我们总到那儿去，躺在树荫里，吮吸着忍冬花的芳香。最让人兴奋的，是警察在小溪里捉到一条鳄鱼的那一天。我没看到鳄鱼，因为捉它的时候我没在那儿。可只要一想起小溪里有鳄鱼，就令人兴奋。
    Our biggest thrill in the branch was the day the police caught an alligator there. I did not see the alligator and I was not there when they caught it, but just the thought of an alligator in the branch was exciting.
    所谓衔接，不仅仅指是否使用connective的形合和意合的问题。英语重形合，缺乏必要的connective的表达，英语视之为拙句，但是，文意的跳脱，文脉的崎岖，英语同样视之为拙句。译者的衔接意识应敏锐地捕捉，并适当地加以“修复”。这种“修复”，可能是表层的，也可能是文意，或文脉层次上的“起承转合”。
    以上段为例，诵读之下，译者可明显地感觉到：Our biggest thrill →I did not see the alligator → but just the thought of an alligator…存在着文意上的“泄气”， 文脉有虎头蛇尾之嫌。而原译则没有意识到这一点，作了直译，毫无“修补”：    
    最让人兴奋的，是警察在小溪里捉到一条鳄鱼的那一天。我没看到鳄鱼，因为捉它的时候我没在那儿。可只要一想起小溪里有鳄鱼，就令人兴奋。
    在Our biggest thrill →I did not see the alligator之间，略作添译，行文在文意上的衔接就会面目一新。
    改译：
    不过，这座公寓大楼并不是我记忆的全部，大楼外还有许多难忘的冒险经历。妈妈曾经定下规矩，比如我们能够离开公寓大楼多远，但是，这种距离的限制在我们的探险本能面前毫无作用。大楼后面流淌着一条小河，我们常去那儿玩。我们爱上那儿玩，因为那儿有忍冬花。我们总到那儿去，躺在树荫里，吮吸着忍冬花的花蜜。不过，爆出最大惊喜的一天是：警察在小河里捉到一条鳄鱼！我没看到鳄鱼，当时，我不在场，不过，这又何妨？只要一想起这条河里有鳄鱼，就足以让我激动一阵。
    
    4/ This is how I remembered the old neighborhood; however, as I said, this is not how it was when I saw it.
    原译：这就是我记忆中的故居；可是，正如我所说的，见到它时，它已经面目全非。
译者在译as I said这个短语时，译笔显得有点僵硬，“正如我所说的”的措辞与全篇不吻。假如译者能更多地着眼全篇，就会发现，所谓as I said实际是指本文第一段的However, what I saw and what I remembered were not the same. I sadly realized that the best memories are those left undisturbed.因此，as I said这个插入语可以译得更轻巧些。
    改译：这就是我记忆中的故居；可是，我已经说过，故地重游，它已经面目全非。
5/ Unlike before, the apartment building was now rundown and in disrepair. What was once more than a place to live looked hardly worth living in. The court was dirty and broken up, and the windows in the building were all broken out. The once clean walls were covered with graffiti and other stains. There were no medieval knights or pirates running around the place now, nor spacemen insisted, there were a few tough looking adolescents who looked much older than their ages.    
    原译：
    这座楼已经破旧失修，不复从前。曾几何时，它远远不止是一个居住的地方，现在，看上去几乎无法居住了。院子里肮脏破败，楼上的窗户全都坏了。一度干净的墙壁上到处是涂鸦和斑斑污迹。现在既没有中世纪骑士，也没有海盗出没，也没有哪个太空人一本正经地说：看到几个长相粗野、老气横秋的少年。
    值得我们注意的是，译者将上句中的There were no medieval knights or pirates running around the place now, nor spacemen insisted, there were a few tough looking adolescents who looked much older than their ages → 现在既没有中世纪骑士，也没有海盗出没，也没有哪个太空人一本正经地说：看到几个长相粗野、老气横秋的少年。
    细心的译者会在“费解”之后，迅速感到：原句在语法上存在问题！若是着眼全篇，上句的问题就更大了，此句与全篇不仅在“连贯”上格格不入，而且，逻辑上也漏洞百出！   
    从通篇观，就能发现以下几个疑问：
    a/ 所谓medieval knights, pirates 和spacemen是作者对自己童年及小伙伴的一种戏称和暗喻，怎么可能此刻跑出来spacemen？
    b/ 从全篇观察，故地重游者仅作者一人，spacemen 所言竟然是a few tough looking adolescents！
    c/ insisted如果有“一本正经地说”的含义，也不能如此使用，根据语法规律，应该使用insisting而不是insisted。
    看来，译者的篇章意识，不仅能令译文生辉添色，而且还能帮助译者判断原文的失误。通过以上分析，我们可以基本判定，原句里的insisted可能系instead之误。而原译居然能够将错就错地译成汉语，倒也不易。
    笔者就此短文的全篇发美国友人，并请他们对此疑难句发表意见。
    美国教授Bill Hofmann对本句的分析：
    Your issues with the problem sentence are very apt. There is no secret here: It is an error.  The sentence should read "There were no medieval knights or pirates running around the place now, nor spacemen. INSTEAD, there were a few tough looking adolescents who looked much older than their ages." You could use a semicolon rather than a period after spacemen.
    澳大利亚作家Denise Noblet对上句分析道：
    You do manage to find some ugly English sentences! I feel as though he meant to write:
"There were no medieval knights or pirates running around the place now, nor spacemen, INSTEAD, there were a few tough looking adolescents who looked much older than their ages..."
    至此，我们可以断定：insisted确系instead之误。
    走出迷茫，廓清舛误，上句可改译：
    大楼破旧失修，不复从前。曾几何时，它曾经是天堂，曾经是乐园，而今，看上去几乎不宜居住了。院子里肮脏破败，楼上的窗户全都破碎了。曾经清洁的墙壁，已满是涂鸦和污迹。在这里，中世纪骑士、海盗、还有太空人已经销声匿迹，取而代之的，却是几个一脸凶相的几个少年，而且看上去比他们的实际年龄要老得多。
    6/ As for the area where I used to play, it was hardly recognizable. The branch was polluted and the honeysuckles had died. Not only were they dead, but they had been trampled to the ground. The branch itself was filled with old bicycles, broken bottles and garbage. Now, instead of finding something as romantic as an alligator, one would expect to find only rats. The once sweet smelling area now smelled horrible. The stench from my once idyllic haven was heart wrenching.
    原译：我过去常玩的地方，几乎认不出来了。小溪污染了，忍冬花凋零了。岂止是凋零，还被踩进了泥土里。小溪里扔满了旧自行车、破瓶子和垃圾。现在，鳄鱼这种浪漫的东西是没指望了，只能指望找到老鼠。曾经芳香怡人的地方现在是臭气熏天。从昔日的童年乐园里散发出的阵阵恶臭令我揪心。
    上段，依然流露了作者对往昔的回忆，对现实的慨叹，而本段作者将继续他的感慨，原译将段首句As for the area where I used to play, it was hardly recognizable.直译成“我过去常玩的地方，几乎认不出来了”，译笔谨慎有余，着眼通篇，为了使段与段之间多一点“衔接”，为了使行文多一点比照，是否可以稍纵译笔？如将he area where I used to play译成“往昔的乐园”？
改译：往昔的乐园，已经难以相认。小河污染了，忍冬花消逝了，岂止是消逝，它们被踩进了泥土里。小河里满是旧自行车、破瓶和垃圾。现在，发现鳄鱼这种具有传奇色彩的动物是没指望了，能发现的只是老鼠。曾经的芳香怡人地已经变得臭气熏天。昔日田园诗般的乐土散发出的阵阵恶臭，令我揪心。
    7/ I do not regret having seen my old neighborhood. However, I do not think my innocent childhood memories will ever be the same. I suppose it is true when they say, “You can never go home again.”
    原译：看过故居，我并不后悔。然而，我觉得：我曾经天真无邪的童年回忆再也找不回来了。我想有句话说得很对 ----“你永远不能重返家园”。
    篇章意识确实能解放我们的译笔，让我们的译笔在“信”的前提下，更如游刃，更多创新。段首句的翻译，译者更多考虑衔接和连贯，I do not regret having seen my old neighborhood正好可以用来呼应标题。
篇章对照意识，又提醒我们，本文文采不俗，激情澎湃，所以，在收尾段，是否可以让译句增添些文采？尤其是You can never go home again一句，是You cannot step into the same river twice.(苏格拉第的著名哲言)的改写。故是否能将原句中的形容词true略作引申？
    改译：故地重游，我并不后悔。然而，我觉得，天真的童年的梦不会永远定格于童年时空。我想，有句话人们说得很有哲理 ---- “你永远不能重返家园”。