一个老情妇对年轻妻子的忠告（5/5）

By Michael Drury

    A married woman can get along nicely by fulfilling the outward forms of a relationship, running a home well, savoring a social life. There is nothing wrong with that. But the wife who would not remain an amateur values these forms correctly, not mistaking them for love.

    通过一些他们之间关系外在的表现形式，一个已婚的妇女可以看上去生活得很好，比如把家把持得仅仅有条，在社交活动中如鱼得水。这些都没什么错。但不再是新手的妻子会正确地判断这些表象，不会错误地把它们当成是爱情。

    On Cultivating Intelligence. A wise wife cultivates at least one field to her liking and sows new seed in it continually. If children and household suffer somewhat from it, that cannot be avoided. Both will suffer far more if the marriage bogs down in monotony and indifference.

    妻子应有个人爱好。一个聪明的妻子应该至少在某一方面有兴趣爱好并不断培养。如果因此少了一些给孩子和家庭的时间，那这也是不可避免的。假如婚姻陷入了单调和平淡，那孩子和家庭受到的损失会更大。

    It would never occur to a mistress that keeping her mind clothed and working was dangerous to her romance; quite the opposite. This achievement doesn’t have to be of genius caliber. I have seen it in women making bread, gathering grapes, binding books, packing parachutes. But some intellectual mastery is fundamental to lasting love because it is fundamental to personality, and it is difficult to love a non-person.

    一个情妇绝不会让自己思想裹足不前，也不会觉得工作会对浪漫有损；她们想的其实正相反。这些兴趣爱好不一定非得是极富天才之作。我见过妇女们把做面包，采葡萄，装订书籍，包装降落伞当作自己的兴趣爱好。但是拥有一些彰显才智的技艺是爱情历久如新的基石，因为这也正是我们个性的基础，要喜欢上一个什么也不会的人实在太难了。

    Love cannot long endure where there are no selves, no terminals between which the spark can alternate: it is just that simple.

爱情是不能在没有自我，没有终点中持久的，但只要有一点火花闪现就能改变这一切：就是这么简单。

    OVER THE YEARS, most of my women friends have been solidly married wives. At times we have talked, a little cautiously, about men and women, and a look of amazed acceptance would pass between us. I knew then that wives and mistresses, if they learn anything at all, learn pretty much the same things. We take different roads, but we arrive at the same destination. When one is young, and a new wife, it is easy to forget that the first and last requirement is to be a woman.

    这么多年过去了，我大部分的女性朋友都成了不折不扣的家庭主妇。有时候我们在一起，带着些许慎重，谈论着关于男人和女人的话题，我们之间交换的意见都惊人的相同。于是我知道妻子和情人们要学的东西其实相当一致。我们其实殊途同归。一个年轻、新婚的妻子很容易忘记，成为一个女人才是她始终要做的事情。