10)
二十岁的时候,挤在人头攒动的公共大巴上,吃着甜筒,挺开心。三十岁之后,看见破旧肮脏的的士都心烦,拜托!油价一跌,就去买车吧,一路开往小康。
学生译文:At the age
of twenty, I felt happy squeezed in a crammed bus eating an
ice-cream. After I have turned thirty, I hate to look at the dirty,
worn-out taxis. Thank goddess! Once the oil price declines, I’ll
buy a car to myself and drive all the way to a comfortable
life.
改译:At the age of
twenty, I felt so contented sandwiched in a jammed bus,
eating ice cream. After thirty, even the sight of a
shabby and sordid taxi may sicken me. Ok! When the oil price
goes down, I’ll buy a car, drive along the road of
Well-To-Do.
点评:英语的非人称主语句(Impersonal
Subject Sentence
)具有极高的审美价值,由于历史和文化的原因,汉语大量使用无主语句,而少用非人称主语句,不能不说这是汉语的一个遗憾。所谓非人称主语句,即句子的主语是inanimate
nouns。这种句式令表达简洁自如、形象生动、变化灵活。“看见破旧肮脏的的士都心烦”一句的主语是“我”,汉语常将其省略。而英语却别出心裁以the
sight of a shabby and sordid
taxi为主语,自然轻巧地“带”出谓语宾语(may sicken
me)。I hate to look at the dirty, worn-out
taxis则显得呆板有余,灵巧不足。
另外,后译中没有使用squeezed,而是使用了sandwiched,词的转义增加行文的辞彩,又多一例。
11)
二十岁的时候,打赌说我这辈子不可能土到死守在一个地方,生活在别处嘛。三十岁之后,我为了在这座城市买个满意又便宜的房子跑断了双腿。
学生译文:At the age
of twenty, I bet there was fat chance that I should rustically live
my lifetime in one place, as the saying goes, a beautiful life
occurs elsewhere. In my thirties, I spare no strength running for a
decent and inexpensive house in the local city.
改译:At the age of
twenty, I bet that I would never reside in one city the rest of my
life. I’d choose to live in different places. After I thirty, I
run off my legs searching for an apartment, satisfying and
cheap.
点评:在内容和形式的问题上,Nida在80年代的论点有所发展。他在1986年出版的From
One Language to
Another(《从一种语言到另一种语言》)一书中,他改变了过去那种“保留内容,改变形式”的提法,而提出了内容和形式兼顾的论点。他认为,功能对等(functional
equivalent)的翻译要求“不但是信息内容的对等,而且尽可能地要求形式的对等。”(not
only the equivalent content of message, but, in so far as possible,
an equivalence of the form.)
为什么Nida把形式的对等提到重要的位置呢?这是因为世界各国的语言,虽然千差万别,但是,各种语言之间存在着某些语言的共性;因而,在语言形式上(在词汇构成,句法结构,表达方式等各方面)也存在着很多相似之处。所以在一定条件下,译文和原文在内容和形式上都一致,并不是不可能的。在这种情况下,就应该尽量保持一致;决不能任意改变形式。
Nida的这一论点与近代多数翻译家同意的一条原则:Translate literally,
if possible, or, appeal to free
translation.(陆殿扬:如果可能,就直译;否则就采取意译。)相比,Nida的提法更具体,更明确,因而,更具有指导意义。
据此,原句中的“跑断了双腿”被译成spare no strength running
for…就让人感到可惜。英语存在类似的比喻,异曲同工,完全能套用。如后译:ran
off my legs off searching for…
《综合英语成语词典》对run
off one’s legs的释义为:忙得筋疲力尽;疲于奔命,累坏了。
另外,后译使用了后置形容词satisfying and
cheap,成功地实现了end-weightness。值得模仿。只须留心,英语中如此后置形容词比比皆是。如:
He comes into the light of every-day like a great leviathan of
the deep, breaking the smooth surface of accepted things, gay,
serious, and sportive. / He makes uneasy the static, the set
and the still. (From The True Artist/ by Norman
Bethume)