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译文讲解1杂谈 |
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学生译文:How a Woman Ages / A Woman’s Aging /A Woman Fades Thus / What Causes a Woman to Grow Old / The Way in Which a Woman is Aging / How a Woman Gets Old
改译:The Way Woman Withers
点评:衰老 = age / old?思路不妨宽些,译wither,如何?另外,Withers因使用了转义connotation,其审美想象比age / old更为广阔。
此外,英语的修辞格,或者说任何语言的修辞格,均可以distillation(本义:蒸馏物;引申义:精华。)写之。各种修辞格乃语言美学的价值所在。可是,在汉译英中善用英语修辞格的却不多见。The Way Woman Withers因运用了alliteration(头韵)而获得了形和声两方面的美。
1)二十岁的时候,我穿着一条背心式牛仔裙在校园里走来走去,一说话就脸红。三十岁的我穿着名牌套装,坐在办公桌前,满脸冷酷地对下属说:“这么愚蠢的问题你也敢问?也不先打个草稿。”
学生译文:At the age of twenty, I walked about on the campus, wearing a vest-like jean skirt. My face would turn red whenever I speak. After I have turned thirty, I am seated in front of a bureau, in a suit of famous brand, reproaching a subordinate coldly, “How dare you ask such a stupid question? Why didn’t you make a draft first?”
改译:At the age of twenty, wearing a jeans jumper, I moved about on the campus, my face blushing the moment I had the inclination to make an utterance. At the age of thirty, I, wearing a famous-brand suit and a cold look, reproach my subordinate bluntly, “How can you go so far as to raise such a silly, mindless question?”
点评:翻译学到一定的时候,就期望有所突破。而突破的惟一道路是学以致用。试比较:
…in a suit of famous brand, reproaching a subordinate coldly.
…wearing a famous-brand suit and a cold look, reproach my subordinate bluntly,
Syllepsis(一语双叙): a construction in which a word governs two or more other words but agrees in number, gender, or case with only one, or has a different meaning when applied to each of the words, as in “He lost his coat and his temper.”
一语双叙。一个词兼顾两个或多个其他词,但在数、性或格上只与其中之一保持一致,或当该词与它兼顾的词中的每一个词搭配时意思都不一样。
另如He lost his coat and his temper. / 他丢了上衣,发了脾气。
初学者的译文处处留下“老实”的,或曰稚嫩的痕迹。原句中有“也不先打个草稿”,译文便亦步亦趋:Why didn’t you make a draft first? 汉语“打个草稿”的比喻,英语并不认同。
服饰,是翻译的一大障碍。原句中的“背心式牛仔裙”被译成vest-like jean skirt / sleeveless jeans skirts,均不地道。背心式牛仔裙 = jeans jumper/denim jumper。