Memories of My Melancholy Whores

-- Gabriel García Márquez

《我那些苦难婊子的回忆录》蒋方舟译

英汉两种译文对比之

第12部分

张放

【说明】“editor-in-chief”在下文里，不是“主编”，而是报社总编辑。这也算是一种常识吧。

【英译原文】

Also present, though not at his regular hours, was the official censor, Don Jerónimo Ortega, whom we called the Abominable No-Man because he would arrive with his reactionary satrap's blood-red pencil at nine sharp every night and stay until he was certain no letter in the morning edition went unpunished. He had a personal aversion to me, either because of my grammarian's airs or because I would use Italian words without quotation marks or italics when they seemed more expressive than Spanish, which ought to be legitimate practice between Siamese languages. After enduring him for four years, we had come to accept him in the end as our own bad conscience.

 【蒋译本】

列席的，还有审查官杰欧尼莫• 奥特加，我们叫他“讨嫌鬼”，因为他总是带着他那根掌管生杀大权的每晚都削尖的血红色铅笔在晚上九点出现，确定明早付梓的每个字符都经过他的审查。他特别讨厌我，不仅因为我与众不同的文法系统，还因为我每次用意大利单词的时候总是不加引号或者变成斜体。在忍受他四年之后，我们最终还是要违心地接受他。

【张评】

1、“because he would arrive with his reactionary satrap's blood-red pencil at nine sharp every night and stay until he was certain no letter in the morning edition went unpunished.”译成了“因为他总是带着他那根掌管生杀大权的每晚都削尖的血红色铅笔在晚上九点出现。确定明早付梓的每个字符都经过他的审查。”

（1）reactionary satrap’s blood-red pencil ：“掌管生杀大权的…都削尖的红红色铅笔”中的“掌管生杀大权”是从“reactionary satrap”译来的吗？

（2）“sharp every night”译成“每晚都削尖”显然理解上出了错误。这里的sharp是说前面的“at nine sharp”，即“准时九点出现”的意思。而不是“削尖”的意思。

（3）“明早”不对，是泛指，不是特指“明天早晨”。

（4）“though not at his regular hours”，漏译。

2、“when they seemed more expressive than Spanish, which ought to be legitimate practice between Siamese languages.”漏译了。

3、“we had come to accept him in the end as our own bad conscience.”译成“我们最终还是要违心地接受他。”不准确，或者说译得不对。

——————

【英译原文】

The secretaries brought in a cake with ninety lit candles that confronted me for the first time with the number of my years. I had to swallow tears when they sang the birthday song, and for no reason I thought about the girl. It wasn't a flash of rancor but of belated compassion for a creature I had not expected to think about again. When the moment passed someone had placed a knife in my hand so that I could cut the cake. For fear of being laughed at, no one risked improvising a speech. I would rather have died than respond to one. To conclude the party, the editor in chief, whom I had never liked very much, returned us to harsh reality.

And now, illustrious nonagenarian, he said to me: Where's your column?

【蒋译本】

秘书们推出一个插着九十根蜡烛的蛋糕，我第一次直视自己的岁数。我在他们唱生日歌的时候咽下泪水，不知道为什么，想起那个沉睡的处女，那并不是一闪而过的怨念，而是对一个我以为自己不会再想起的小东西迟来的冲动。当我脑海那个瞬间过去，有人在我手里塞了把刀切蛋糕。害怕被嘲笑，没有人敢做即兴演讲，而我宁死也不愿去回应什么祝辞。作为派对的总结，我很喜欢的主编把我拉回现实。

现在，光荣的九旬老人，他对我说：你的专栏呢？

【张评】

1、“lit candles”里的“lit”是英语最常用的形容词形式。这种地方给漏译了，会给人一种阅读英语能力较差的感觉。

2、“compassion ” 译成“是对……迟来的冲动”，彻底理解错了。读汉译，会误以为老头对那小女生有冲动，其实，compassion这个词与“性”或“冲动”没有任何关系。它的意思是：“a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering. ”即：“极大的同情心”，“有解救其于苦难之中的同情心”。多说一句：“passion”=“feeling”，“com-”=“together”。自己好好理解一下吧。

2、“When the moment passed someone had placed a knife in my hand so that I could cut the cake.”译成“当我脑海那个瞬间过去，有人在我手里塞了把刀切蛋糕。”译得不准。或者说，不完全。注意这里的“passed”和“had placed”的时态。

3、“whom I had never liked very much”译成“我很喜欢的主编”，说明译者翻译时，根本没经过思考。其实，从上下文一路分析到此，就会知道男主人公对主编的态度了。另外，把“us”译成了“我”，也是压根没有进入故事情节之中所致吧。

4、“illustrious”译成“光荣的”，也很离谱。这个词的意思是：“highly distinguished; renowned; famous”。

【张放试译】

Also present, though not at his regular hours, was the official censor, Don Jerónimo Ortega, whom we called the Abominable No-Man because he would arrive with his reactionary satrap's blood-red pencil at nine sharp every night and stay until he was certain no letter in the morning edition went unpunished. He had a personal aversion to me, either because of my grammarian's airs or because I would use Italian words without quotation marks or italics when they seemed more expressive than Spanish, which ought to be legitimate practice between Siamese languages. After enduring him for four years, we had come to accept him in the end as our own bad conscience.

The secretaries brought in a cake with ninety lit candles that confronted me for the first time with the number of my years. I had to swallow tears when they sang the birthday song, and for no reason I thought about the girl. It wasn't a flash of rancor but of belated compassion for a creature I had not expected to think about again. When the moment passed someone had placed a knife in my hand so that I could cut the cake. For fear of being laughed at, no one risked improvising a speech. I would rather have died than respond to one. To conclude the party, the editor in chief, whom I had never liked very much, returned us to harsh reality.

And now, illustrious nonagenarian, he said to me: Where's your column?

还有一位，也祝寿来了，尽管此时并不是他正常上班时间，此人就是审查官奥特加先生。我们称他为“讨厌的非人类”，因为他每晚九点准时上班，带着他那枝与人作对的，罗马总督才有的血红色铅笔，然后，一直呆到他确定早晨出版的报纸里，每个字都过了一遍他的筛子（才下班）。他对我很有成见，一种可能是他不喜欢我写东西的文风，要不就是因为我总喜欢用意大利单词，却不标引号，也不斜体。这时，这些词看上去比西班牙单词，更具表达穿透力。（当然，）在泰语系语言间，这样来回写，是合法的。容忍他四年时间之后，我们最终把他当成了我们内心的“恶知”，接受了他。

秘书们拿进来一个蛋糕，上面点燃了九十根蜡烛。这令我第一次面对我的人生度过的总年数。他们唱起生日歌时，我努力止住了泪水。不知怎么的，我竟然想到了那个女孩。闪过的念头，倒不是苦味的，而是对那个小东西的某种迟来的同情感，这种同情感，连我自己也没想到，会再次升腾于脑海之中。这个念头一过，发现有人早已往我手里塞了一把刀，我好切蛋糕。可能是怕被揶揄，大家没人弄个什么即兴发言。我也宁愿一死，也不愿意回应什么即兴发言。这时，我从来不待见的总编辑，用下面的话，把我们拉回到了严酷的现实之中，结束了这个生日派对。

那么，名扬四海的老耄先生，他对我说：您的专栏文章呢？