Memories of My Melancholy Whores

-- Gabriel García Márquez

 

《我那些苦难婊子的回忆录》蒋方舟译

 

英汉两种译文对比之

 

第08部分

 

张放

 

 

 

 

【说明】这接下来的两个自然段，蒋方舟译得一塌糊涂。错误“百”出。有些错误则是不可原谅的。

 

【请继续连续性地阅读马尔克斯的小说英译本】

 

【英译原文】

I could not sleep because of a presentiment of something irremediable. In the middle of the night I began to count the passage of the hours on the cathedral clock, until the seven dreadful bells when I was supposed to be at the church. The telephone began to ring at eight, long, tenacious, unpredictable rings for more than an hour. Not only did I not answer: I did not breathe. A little before ten someone knocked at the door, first a fist pounding and then the shouting of voices I knew and despised. I was afraid they would push down the door in some serious mishap, but by eleven the house was left in the bristling silence that follows great catastrophes. Then I wept for her and for me, and I prayed with all my heart never to see her again in all my days. Some saint halfheard me, because Ximena Ortiz left the country that same night and did not return until twenty years later, married and with seven children who could have been mine.

【蒋方舟译本】

婚礼前一天晚上，我睡不着，因为对于恶兆的预感如影相随。午夜时，我开始数大教堂的钟声，直到可怕的第七声响起，那时我本该在教堂结婚。在第八声钟声响起时，电话铃响了，漫长、坚韧、未知，延续了一个多小时。我不仅没有应答，甚至忘了呼吸。在第十声钟响之后过了一会儿，有人敲门，开始是用拳头轻拍，后来是一个我认识且厌恶的声音大喊大叫。我怕他们会把门推到，但是当第十一声钟声响起时，我被遗留在令人毛骨悚然的寂静当中。我哭，为她，也为自己。我祈祷，全心全意地，希望在有生之年不会再见她。上苍没听清我的祷告，因为在同一个夜晚，西蒙娜•欧提兹离开了这片土地，二十年之后才回来，已婚，带着七个本该是我的孩子。

 

【张放评议】

1、“because of a presentiment of something irremediable.” 蒋方舟译成：“因为对于恶兆的预感如影相随。”“presentiment”是“不好的预感”，“irremediable”等于“incurable”，“不可救药”的意思。全句里，并没有“如影相随”的意思。

 

2、“cathedral”等于“教堂”，没有“大教堂”的意思。

 

3、“I began to count the passage of the hours on the cathedral clock, until the seven dreadful bells when I was supposed to be at the church.”蒋方舟译成：“直到可怕的第七声响起，那时我本该在教堂结婚”。原文没有“第七声”（the seventh），而是响了七下，也就是早上七点报时的钟声。

 

4、“第八声钟声响起时”，按英语“at eight”，就应该译成“八点时，……”，就不用再拽了。

 

5、“在第十声钟响之后”，英译原文为：“A little before ten”。属于马虎，译错。

 

6、“pound”译成“轻拍”，说明译者对此词一点都不了解，此词唯独没有的意思，就是“轻轻地”的意思。用到这个词，就一定是用力地，重重地。见英英词典好对此词的权威解释：“to strike repeatedly with great force, as with an instrument, the fist, heavy missiles, etc”

 

7、“in some serious mishap”漏译了。此处文字不应该漏译。

 

8、“… that follows great catastrophes”再次漏译。此文字也没有理由被漏译。

 

9、“Some saint halfheard me”译成：“上苍没听清我的祷告”是不正确的。“some saint”不是“上苍”的意思，而是“某位圣人”的意思。“half hear”不是“没听清”，而是听了进去，不过只听进去一半的话。从后面的话来分析，也是这个意思。男主人公希望这辈子都不要再见到此人。而此人一走就是20年，不过又回来了。

 

10、“left the country”译成“离开了这片土地”，汉语里含太多的煽情成分，属于译者多给作者添加了自己的想法。直接译成“出了国”即可。

 

 

【张放试译】

I could not sleep because of a presentiment of something irremediable. In the middle of the night I began to count the passage of the hours on the cathedral clock, until the seven dreadful bells when I was supposed to be at the church. The telephone began to ring at eight, long, tenacious, unpredictable rings for more than an hour. Not only did I not answer: I did not breathe. A little before ten someone knocked at the door, first a fist pounding and then the shouting of voices I knew and despised. I was afraid they would push down the door in some serious mishap, but by eleven the house was left in the bristling silence that follows great catastrophes. Then I wept for her and for me, and I prayed with all my heart never to see her again in all my days. Some saint halfheard me, because Ximena Ortiz left the country that same night and did not return until twenty years later, married and with seven children who could have been mine.

由于预感到某种不可挽救的事情将会发生，我已经无法入睡。到午夜时，我开始数教堂里的钟声，来挨过时光，直到七点报时声可怕地响起，按理，此时我已该身处教堂里。八点时，电话响了起来，铃声听上去又长，又坚持不懈的样子，好像有什么不可预知的事情在发生着。就这样响着，超过了一小时。我没有应答：我甚至大气也没敢喘。快十点时，有人敲门，先是拳头砸门，接着，是叫喊声。那声音我知道是谁的，一听就感到无比厌恶。我担心他们会非常不幸地把门推倒，但到十一点时，整个房子忽然沉静起来，令人感到汗毛倒立。这种沉静是经过巨大灾难后的沉静。接着，我痛哭起来，为她也为我。我发自内心地祈祷着，今生今世不要再见到她。可能是某位圣人听到了我的部分祈求，因为希梦娜就在当晚出了国，二十年后才回来。不过，那时她已结婚，并有了七个孩子。这些孩子原本该是我跟她来生的。

 

 

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【英译原文】

It was difficult for me to keep my position and my column at El Diario de La Paz after that social affront. It wasn't because of this, however, that they relegated my columns to page eleven, but because of the blind impetus with which the twentieth century came on the scene. Progress became the myth of the city. Everything changed; planes flew, and a businessman tossed a sack of letters out of a Junker and invented airmail.

 

【蒋方舟译本】

我很难在《拉巴斯日报》维持自己的位置和专栏，他们把我的专栏移到了第七版。不过，并不是因为这桩社交丑闻，而是因为千禧年带来了盲目热情：“发展”成了这所城市的神话，一切都变了，飞机在天空穿梭，商人们把装信的麻袋扔进垃圾车，开始用航空邮件。

 

【张放评议】

1、“social affront”中的“affront”，译者译成“丑闻”是严重而且过分地译成汉语了。参考一下英英对此词的解释：1. a personally offensive act or word; deliberate act or display of disrespect; intentional slight; insult: an affront to the king. 2. an offense to one's dignity or self-respect. 即，“莽撞，顶撞，冒失”的意思。此词用在此处，是指前面他的“逃婚”动作。

 

2、“the twentieth century came on the scene”译成“千禧年”，这个错误是不可被原谅的。作为一个小有名气的作家，“千禧年”是什么，应该算是常识。到目前为止，人类只经过了两次“千禧年”，一次是1000年时，再一次，就是2000年时。而这部小说描写的是19世纪末进入20世纪初的故事。而“twentieth century came on the scene”是说20世纪已经来临，即1900年即将开始进入人们的生活视野，哪里有什么“千禧年”的意思？

 

3、“Progress became the myth of the city”中的“progress”必须译成“进步”即，to go forward的意思。这没有任何歧义。而不能译成“发展”。发展是“develop”，这种词不应该译错。

 

4、“tossed a sack of letters out of a Junker”注意，是out of。此处的意思，并不是译者所译的“把装信的麻袋扔进垃圾车”，而是从破破烂烂的老爷车里扔出来，发明并使用了airmail“航空邮件”。

 

【张放试译】

It was difficult for me to keep my position and my column at El Diario de La Paz after that social affront. It wasn't because of this, however, that they relegated my columns to page eleven, but because of the blind impetus with which the twentieth century came on the scene. Progress became the myth of the city. Everything changed; planes flew, and a businessman tossed a sack of letters out of a Junker and invented airmail.

莽撞逃婚后，要继续维持并保留住我在《帕斯日报》的位置及我的专栏，已经很难。当然，也不仅仅因为这事，他们才把我的专栏降到第七版上，也是因为20世纪的来临，给大家带来盲目推动力所致。“进步”成了这座城的神话。一切都发生了改变；飞机飞了起来，商人把整麻袋的信件，从破破烂烂的老爷车里扔出来，发明（并使用上）了“航空邮寄”。