洋人夫妻的幽默——

住口 

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
如果你的狗在后门吠，而你的妻子在前门大喊大叫，你会让那一个先进来？

The Dog of course...at least he ll shut up after you let him in! 
当然是狗，至少它进来后会住口。 

三个孩子

A couple had three children. Two of them were bright, smart, and handsome but the third child was dull, ugly, and backward.
一对夫妇有三个孩子。有两个特别聪明和英俊，可是第三个孩子却很丑很笨。

One day the hubby got suspicious and asked, Tell me the truth, dear.
Is this third child really mine?
一天，丈夫很怀疑地问：“坦白说，亲爱的，老三真的是我的孩子吗？”

"Yes, dear, replied the wife, but the other two are not."

“是的，亲爱的。”妻子答道：“可是另外两个不是。”

妻子的三项优点

When a bachelor marries, his wife has three qualities she is an economist in the kitchen, an aristocrat in the living room and a devil in bed.

一位单身汉新婚时，妻子有三项优点：在厨房她是经济学者、在客厅她是贵族、在床上她是恶魔。

After a few years, sure enough the three qualities remain, but not in the same order she is an aristocrat in the kitchen, a devil in the living room and an economist in bed.      
若干年后，这三项优点依然存在，可是秩序有点变动：在厨房她是贵族、在客厅她是恶魔、在床上她是经济学者。  

许愿井  

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
一对夫妻来到一座许愿井。丈夫靠过去，丢下一个硬币，许了个愿。

The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, It really works!
妻子也打算许个愿。可是她靠的太过去，掉下井，被淹死了。丈夫呆了一回，然后笑着说：“真灵验。” 

结婚周年

I asked my wife, Where do you want to go on our anniversary?
我问太太：“结婚周年纪念，你想去哪儿？”

She said, Somewhere I have never been!
她说：“哪儿都好，只要是我没去过的地方。” 

I told her, How about the kitchen?     
我说：“厨房怎么样？”

快乐时光  

During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband, Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn t talk for an hour?
在二十五周年纪念时，一位太太提醒她的丈夫：“你还记得你向我求婚的那天，我被打动得无法说话长达一小时？”

The hubby replied : Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life. 
丈夫回答：“是的，亲爱的，那是我一生中最快乐的时光。” 

手拉手

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. 
我们时常都手拉手。如果放开，她就会去购物了……