Dear Mother and Dad:

   Since I left for college I have been remiss in writing and I am sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. You are not to read any further until you sit down, okay?

Well, then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out the window of my dormitory when it caught on fire shortly after my arrival here is pretty well healed now. I only spent two weeks in the hospital and now I can see almost normally and only get those sick headaches once a day. Fortunately, the fire in the dormitory, and my jump, was witnessed by an attendant at the gas station near the dorm, and he was the one who called the Fire Department and the ambulance. He also visited me in the hospital and since I had nowhere to live because of my burnt out dormitory, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with his. It’s really a basement room, but it’s kind of cute. He is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning to get married. We haven’t got the exact date yet, but it will be before my pregnancy begins to show.

Yes, Mother and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward to being grandparents and I know you will welcome the baby and give it the same love and devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child. The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has a minor infection which prevents us from passing our pre-marital blood tests and I carelessly caught it from him.

Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there was no dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or skull fracture, I was not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged, I am not infected, and there is no boyfriend. However, I am getting a “D” in American History, and an “F” in chemistry and I want you to see those marks in their proper perspective.

Your loving daughter,

Sharon

亲爱的爸爸妈妈：

   自从上大学以来总是忘记写信给你们，我为以前没有给你们写信感到抱歉。我现在就把最近的情况告诉你们，但在往下读之前，请先坐下。你们只有坐好才会继续读下去的，是吧？

   我现在一切都很好，已经从颅骨破裂和脑震荡中恢复得差不多了。刚来这儿不久后宿舍便失了火，我只好从窗户跳了出去。我在医院只呆了两星期，现在视力基本恢复正常了，只是每天会有一次头痛。幸运的是，宿舍里燃起的大火和我后来的跳楼都被宿舍旁加油站里的一个服务员看到了，正是他呼叫了消防队和救护车。他还到医院看望我，因为宿舍被烧毁，我无处落脚，他便好心邀请我与他同住。尽管是一个地下室，但仍然挺可爱。他是个很不错的小伙子，我们深深地相爱了，并且计划结婚。我们还没有确定时间，但是肯定会在人们看得出我怀孕之前。

  是的，妈妈爸爸，我怀孕了。我知道你们多么希望能够做外公外婆，我知道你们会欢迎这个小宝贝的，而且给予其同样深厚的爱和温暖的关怀，就如同当我还是个孩子时你们曾给我的那样。我们的婚礼推迟的原因是我的男友患上了一种不算严重的传染病，这是我们没有通过婚前血液检测，而且我也无意中染上了这种病。

   现在我把最新情况都告诉你们了，我想跟你们说其实我的宿舍没有着火，我也没有脑震荡或是颅骨破裂，我没有住院，也没有怀孕，也没有订婚，也没有被传染疾病，我也没有男友。然而，我美国历史这一科得了“D”，化学得了“F”，我希望你们能从适当的角度来看待这两科的分数。

爱着你们的女儿

       莎伦

     选自《新东方英语》