试译莎翁十四行诗第129首及谈其他

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莎士比亚翻译十四行诗 |
分类: 读书·文化 |
辜先生一韵到底的做派显露无疑(除第九句外,不知道辜先生如何想的)。再观译文,第一行的“浪子风流”与第五行的“云雨乐”及“意趣休”完全的中式语境,刻意追求雅。而蒋先生貌似一边凑齐了十个字,一边又貌似恪守韵律,不逾矩。实则依然有所出入(不知为何不讲严丝合缝的态度贯彻始终,搞一个样板出来)。该诗系每行五音步十音节,韵脚为BABA、CDCD
、EFEF
、GG,属双形体即交韵(PS:与汉语律诗一个韵部,偶数句押韵不同;莎翁的十四行诗由三节四行诗与一节二行诗组成,全篇有七个韵部,没节奇数句与偶数句交错押韵,最后两句对偶)。蒋译第一句与第三句、第五句与第七句并非同一韵脚,严格意义上讲,末尾两行的u与ü亦非同一韵部,虽然都写作u,小学生都懂得一个道理——小Ü见碰到jqx和大y,擦掉眼泪笑嘻嘻。
Sonnet CXXIX
1
Th’ expense of spirit in a waste of shame (10) a 2
Is lust in action; and till action;, lust (10) b 3
Is perjured, murd’rous, bloody, full of blame, (10) a 4
Savage, extreme, rude, cruel, not to trust, (10) b 5
Enjoyed no sooner but despised straight, (10) c 6
Past reason hunted , and no sooner had (10) d 7
Past reason hated as a swallowed bait (10) c 8
On purpose laid to make the taker mad; (10) d 9
Mad in pursuit and in possession so, (10) e 10
Had, having, and in quest to have , extreme; (10) f 11
A bliss in proof and proved, a very woe;. (10) e 12
Before, a joy proposed; behind, a dream. (10) f
13 All this the world well knows, yet none knows well (10) g
14 To shun the heaven that leads men to this hell. (10) g
江湖艺人常说,光说不练是嘴把式。笔者斗胆始译,本着以七个韵部对应双形体即交韵(7韵)的原则,力避诗句参差,采取直译方式,力避有悖原意。如下:
1.耻辱的放纵损耗了精神 (10) en
[a] 2.色欲盘踞心灵,蠢蠢而动 (10) ong
[b] 3.伪证、阴谋、血腥,罪恶满身 (10) en
[a] 4.野蛮,偏执,无礼、残暴,从来无信凭(12)
ing [b] 5.狂欢方尽兴,顿觉寡然无味头(12) ou
[c] 6.猎获从无缘由,刚得手只片刻(12) e
[d] 7.便厌恨过往,恰似一只饵钩(11) ou
[c] 8.设鱼饵,引诱发疯的吞食者(11) e
[d] 9.追求时疯狂,得手后也如样(11) ang
[e] 10.已得,正求,尚未有,太过极端(11)
an [f] 11.显露幸福欢悦,旋即心生戚伤 (12) ang
[e] 12.得前,思喜乐,得后,梦一般 (10)
an [f]
13.一切众所周知,却无人能清楚 (12) u [g]
14.逃避这个天堂,导人坠入地府(12) u [g]
PS:小括号内的阿拉伯数字是统计每行的字数,汉语拼音是该行诗的韵部,方括号内的英语字母是该诗的韵脚规律。