勇于认错不怕道歉的美国老师

Henry Song

2001.11.08

 

 

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老师邀请家长参加孩子的音乐课,让家长了解孩子们是如何一点点学习的,并让孩子在课上暂时给

自己的父母当老师,让家长也体会一番学一件乐器的不易,以对孩子们多一些理解与耐心

 

老二喜欢音乐,今年上中学一年级,除了在家弹钢琴外,在学校的选修课选的是初级弦乐(Beginning Orchestra),拾起了妈妈多年不曾碰过的小提琴.为此,妈妈特意为他买了个布制外套的琴盒,既方便携带,又背着不会太重.

 

儿子一直对这门课很用心.时不时晚上在家,给妈妈表演一番课堂上新学的曲调,很得意.

 

不过一天放学回家,发现他的琴盒坏了.询问之下,才知道是课堂上被老师给摔的,让我大为吃惊.因为两个孩子从小到大,经历了不少的老师,虽然风格各异,有宽有严,可这样”暴力”的老师,我还真没见过,更没想到会有.于是让儿子详细给我讲述前因后果.

 

原来老师课堂上有规定,上课时每个人的琴盒必须放在座位的旁边,而儿子当天上课时没有留意,放在了自己的前面.于是,老师说他没有遵守规定,把琴盒拿起来向后面没人坐的椅子上扔了过去.照我的推测,应该是一用力,把琴盒被卯钉固定的盒口给撕裂了.儿子书包侧面的口袋里,通常会装着一瓶水,那天是一瓶运动饮料Gatorade,结果在课堂上,这瓶饮料不知深浅地从书包中滑落下来,滚到了前面,也被老师捡起来扔了.当然,老师也曾经强调过,音乐教室里不允许携带除了水之外的饮料,怕一不小心洒出来会损坏乐器.

 

儿子没有遵守课堂纪律,自然不对;老师对学生严格要求,也无可厚非;但这种执行的方式,却实在让我不能苟同.听完儿子的陈述,我已经相当生气了.不过从小就在中国师道尊严环境中长大的我,一时还真不知道要怎么处理.因为我没在美国上过中学,而我在中国所有上学的经验都告诉我,老师永远都是对的,即便错了,也是学生的不对.而作为家长,去找老师的错,那就太不对了!

 

不过我不是在中国,而是在美国.美国是不讲究所谓师道尊严的.我最后决定,还是要为这件事讨个说法.

 

想来想去,觉得应该先给这位老师写个信.如果直接与老师交涉不能得到满意的答复,下一步就去找校长.如果真到了那样,而不幸连校长都不能还我个公道的话,最坏的结果,大不了我给儿子转学.反正我儿子聪明,不怕别的学校不要!(老爸对儿子还是挺恬不知耻地深感骄傲的.)

 

感谢如今的高科技,与老师联系实在是一件非常容易的事情.上到儿子学校的网站,进入家长门户,点击儿子老师的电子邮件,写完了,按一下老鼠键,信件就发过去了.

 

虽然当时很生气,但写信时还是尽量语调做到平和.但要求老师给个解释的意思,还是毫不客气清清楚楚地传达了过去.随信发了两张照片,显示琴盒被损害之处.

 

当第二天我重读自己发的邮件,正在琢磨是否自己反应有点过激时,老师的回复已经过来了.

 

老师给我发了个不短的回信,解释了课堂的要求,同时也对自己课上的举动真诚地道歉,说明自己一年中偶尔一两次会以夸张的方式,期望引起学生的注意,达到让学生们遵守课堂规定的效果.虽然没有意识到自己的动作大到可以损坏琴盒的地步,但还是愿意赔一个给我儿子.至于饮料的事,他开始不知道那是我儿子的,扔掉只是为了执行课堂纪律,不是对针对个人.

 

同时,老师还夸奖儿子是个很好的孩子,上课练琴很用工,只是不幸这件事发生在他身上.并说,会和全班并且单独与老二个人谈一谈这件事,让儿子了解,老师对他没有任何恶意.

 

晚上太太回来,给她看了老师的回复.太太说,人家已经很认真地道歉了,算了, 就别让他赔了吧.你在中国上了十几年的学,什么时候碰到老师道认错歉过!

 

太太说得有理.

 

于是,当晚我给老师回了封信,表示接受他的道歉.至于琴盒.我们自己解决就好了,但希望今后能够多与老师沟通,儿子如果在课堂上有任何行为不妥之处,希望能立即让我们知道,家长与老师应该共同担负对孩子的教育责任.

 

一件本来让我头疼的事件,就这么平安解决了.找校长,给儿子转学之类,全是我的多虑.人家老师知错认错,痛痛快快,一点都不含糊.儿子照样高高兴兴地去上课.而这位老师的道歉,也让我对他的看法大为改观.人无完人,谁都会犯错.但能够坦然地承认反省自己的错误,并于之后的行为中改正,这样的人肯定不会是坏人.而在学校,有这样的老师带我的儿子,我放心.

 

 

下面是我和老师之间的电子邮件,在这里记录下来,做个留念.

 

我的信:

 

Dear Mr. XXXX,

 

This is Henry Song, Brian Song's father.  Brian is taking the Beginning Orchestra class with you.

 

I learned that some incident happened in your class today involving Brian. I am very concerned.   Brian understands that he shouldn't have taken Gatorade to the class, and he should have placed his violin case beside him, not in front of him. He is sorry that he did not follow the instruction completely.  But he was very much shocked by the treatment he received.  As a parent, I am also quite confused.  His violin case was damaged (please see the attached photos of the damage) as you grabbed and threw it to the back, according to Brian, and I understand you also tossed his Gatorade away. Can you please explain to me what happened?

 

I look forward to hearing from you.  If need be, can you schedule a time that I can come to the school and meet with you?

 

Sincerely,

 

Henry Song

 

中文大意:

 

我听说今天在你的课上发生了一件事情,与我的儿子有关.我很关心.BRIAN知道他没有遵守课堂纪律,感到很抱歉.但对所受到的对待感到很震惊.作为家长,我也感到困惑.BRIAN的琴盒被摔坏了,据BRIAN讲,是你把琴盒往后扔造成的,他的饮料也被你扔掉了.你能否向我解释一下到底发生了什么?我期待你的回复.如果有必要的话,你是否可以安排个时间,我可以到学校和你见面.

 

 

老师的回信:

 

Mr. Song,

 

Thank you for your email.  I had planned to discuss this with Brian during the next class period.  I do agree that my actions were extreme.  Once or twice a year I try to be exaggerated in my actions so that all the students realize that I'm serious regarding some issues.  As for the case – I apologize for this and will gladly replace it.  Do you know what size instrument he has?  I honestly did not feel that I handled it too aggressively.  Thank you for the photos.

 

As to the Gatorade, I was not even sure it was his at first.  Having non-water drinks in the class is a huge problem and this is the point I was trying to make.

 

I will discuss this with him personally as well as the class as a whole.  I want him to understand that I have no bad feelings toward him.  Brian is a very nice boy who does really try hard in his playing.  He just happened to be the one who had the drink yesterday.

 

I do sincerely apologize for my extreme actions.  If you would like to meet with me or speak on the phone, next week should be fine.  I am free after school every day except Tuesday.  I also have my prep period on Monday from 7:45am until 9:20, on Wednesday from 12:20 to 1:55 and on Friday from 10:00 to 11:35.

 

Sincerely,

 

XXXXX

 

 

中文大意:

 

谢谢你的邮件.我本来打算下堂课会和BRIAN谈的.我同意我的行为失之极端.每年之中,有一两次,我会用夸张的方式让学生知道,我对一些事情非常认真.琴盒的事,我很抱歉.愿意赔偿一个给你.能否告诉我尺寸.我确实没有感觉到我的动作会那么剧烈,谢谢你让我看到了照片.

 

至于GATORADE饮料,我一开始并不知道是他的.课堂上不让带除了水之外的饮料是个大问题,而我是在试图让大家明白.

 

我会和他单独,并与全班谈论这个问题.我想让他知道,我对他没有恶意.BRIAN是个很好的孩子,他练习很用功.他只是正好是昨天带饮料的学生.

 

我真诚地为我的过激行为道歉.如果你要见我或和我通电话,下星期方便……