Define Me

It would be considered completely dull if not idiotic to provide to a simple question of “who are you?” with an answer like “I am just myself”. Wouldn’t it?

Well, right, if you are not just yourself, then who exactly are you? If you do not know, perhaps it is high time you paused and said to yourself: wait, I need to define myself. Ok, if you feel you need to define yourself, do it now once for all. Sure it might also be the point of life that I do my share of defining and soul searching on my own.

Gee, what I need to know is just who am I, is that too simple. Maybe not.

With no doubt in my first instance of thought I am a Chinese of course. I think in Chinese, live in Chinese and communicate in Chinese too. With all the value and culture branded in my mind and soul, I am nobody but a mere Chinese. If that is not all. I am a Han or Hanese, the majority ethnic group in China. That is the rock bottom where my value and belief come from, away from which I would feel uncomfortable even desperate. Yes, because of all those, I look like a Han, I dress like a Han, I eat like a Han and most of all, I live like and enjoy being a Han, to me the greatest people in the whole wide world.

Are you sure? I suddenly feel the chill from my spine compounded by the voice from nowhere. It strikes me as if I was lying and betraying my absolute innocence.  Jesus,  What is wrong with me being a Chinese or Han? I puzzle with fear.

So I think and dig deep into my soul. I am soon cornered by a horrible thought that I might be a different person that I trust I am.

I ask myself: would a person who work and live in an environment where ideas and belief are so different that they are nothing in common with what you were brought up with, a person who drives on the other side of the road and shelters in a house of strange design in which you share room with a partner of different race, be a genuine Chinese or Han, I am not so sure now. 

Fortunately, before I dig the hole too deep so that dreadful thoughts could overwhelm me, the realisation of having the ability of keeping identity in a confusing and lost world brought me back to my feet and confidence.

Do I really care who I am as long as I am fit to be a descent and kind human being? Is there any need for self-definition at all.

You be my judge.