印象中的艺术家不是出离叛逆就是沉默不语，让人难以窥见他们的真实面目，能够保持最原始的古风，在都市生活中另辟一种属于自己的生活方式，不惮于寻找自在和自我，这便是林曦的无染清境。

 

    孩子、女子、小动物是她画作的主要元素，12岁在巴黎举办第一个画展，出过唱片，写过小说，琴棋书画的全才，15岁拿到大学文凭。跑去北大学宗教学。带着画作满世界跑，元首出席她的展览开幕。人们口中的“东方文化的天使”，在众人艳羡的目光下，她坦承地说：“我也有很艰难不知道怎么办的时刻。”

 

    生命的沉潜，总是会带来惊喜和感悟，一度辍笔停画探寻生命的丰富，她还是顺利地考上中央美术学院的研究生，老天似乎一点都不吝惜对她的眷顾。毕业时作品获奖，被美院收藏。媒体宠爱的80后水墨新锐。林曦说自己对这些反应迟钝。却深深觉得自己读书总是很幸运，都遇到最好的老师。看她的神色，还停留在孩童时代，跟她交谈象听一个大人住在小孩儿身体里讲话。我问她今天的画作和琴声中为何包含了更多的纬度，却奇异地更趋向单纯。她说不知道，却反复提到一个词“天真”。

 

    正念  不增不减

    “解了，脱了。不是为了赤裸，总还要穿上。那种感觉像反穿的衣服突然翻出来了正面，衣服还是那件，但是扣子是扣子，口袋是口袋。”

 

    林曦喜欢用手艺人来形容自己，说自己全部的生活内容就是，“读书，弹琴，喝茶，画画，吃饭，聊天。”她的艺术家身份中，有太多的生命力在不断连接和延伸，《三联生活周刊》今年三月“绿茶之道”的专题特意采访了她，虽然有十多年的茶龄，她坚持从不用眼睛和耳朵去品评，一定要喝过才决定是否是好茶。一起喝茶，她不会用自己的意见左右你，墙上的画作题着“一期一会”，她说那就是喝茶的本质，“真正专注于当下每一口茶，当下可能是十分之一秒，把每一刻当作最后一刻来活，这是茶的本质，也是禅的本质。”

    一张古琴如一位出尘飘逸的老友端坐在工作室的正中，林曦说，“它是主人，我们是客”。2001年她去终南山做一个瑜伽辟谷断食十天的课程，什么都没带，只是这张琴放在枕边，咚咚咚琴音成为最好的陪伴。13岁拜在著名古琴演奏家李祥霆老师门下，林曦对学琴却没有一点功利心，“古琴弹到深处的感觉是和它对答，琴教给我很多，它是我最好的朋友。把头贴在琴板旁听听泛音，那草木空空的声音就是天地的玄机。”

    在最新策划的古琴专辑中，她试图融合对古人的理解和对当下即兴的把握，“一首曲子弹12年，每年弹的时候，都能从中听到自己的成长，就像书法练习中结构简单的字最难写，曲调简单的曲子也是一种难度，反反复复体会每个重复层次的意思还要不单调乏味，挺不容易的。”

    说到职业画家的身份，她直言：“画家古来就是寂寞的，这是常态，可是如果不接受，太关注眼前的热闹总会带来更多的寂寞。”有了这样的正念，坚持如实地做自己应该不难。林曦说她更专注自己内在的感受和成长，“画画是穷尽理智，言语道断的过程，最后一刻出来的东西，超越了思考，不尽兴是遗憾的，尽兴之后又需要放下，这个过程很有趣。”

    “但我的天性应该是偏好兴之所致型的创作，小时候太喜欢《世说新语》的遗毒”。

 

    修行  自在清欢

    “如果你没有认识到一个烦恼的核儿，就会一直沉浸在这个核心散发的光或辐射中，而这种光和辐射是不会有边界的。找到了核，找到可以认识接受的东西，不论是好的还是坏的，那一刻都会过去，知道这些，便不会再去造作苦的因。” 

 

    林曦说这是一个核心外面包裹了太多附加物的世界，自己和人们一样容易沉浸在各种负面的因果中，就像在打壁球是一个人的游戏，出球越快，弹回越快，最后落得一个接球和躲球的份儿，越忙越乱。没有时间和机会去思考和转化，只能不断去承受结果。而尝试认识到事物的核心或说是本质，“就是那么一瞥，找到能够消化的东西，就创造出一个空间。这个间隙的建立，让我们有扳回比分改变局面的可能。即便掉进苦里，爬出来也会比较快，”

    “一个人一生修行的重点不是持续地发扬自己的长处，而是针对自己的惯性，看见那个亦载亦覆的舟。”

    她兴致所至地拜师学习中医，又打开了一扇通往中国智慧核心的天窗，让她更加明白人心的潜能。“以前我输液都要做三天思想准备，出国的时候打疫苗针都怕，恨不得跟自己说不要去了，可现在脱胎换骨到拿着三寸针灸针就可以往自己身上扎，”我眼睛扫过茶桌，一个玻璃瓶子里都是银针闪闪。“可见打起精神，心的力量有多大。”

    中医老师告诉林曦，真正厉害的医生是把病往简单里看的。林曦也尝试用这样的态度来作画，不作过多的思考，当一面明镜。 不把自己放在焦虑的状态里。“实际上在画画人心中，空白是天地的背景，在中国画里面留白是很特别的，是可以不交代的，而往往空白对画面主体很重要，是一个时空的表达，而不是一个平面。你要根据笔墨的势，不断调整，这是一个很即兴的过程，和弹琴时跟随情绪去起承转合地完成一首曲子是同样的。”

    从佛学、中医悟出的绘画、修行道理，并没有成为碍手碍脚的枷锁或装腔作势的凭证，这些领悟让她更天真坦然地做自己。林曦说她总是会愿意成为那个一针见血的 “狠人”，“因为真正了解你的人，真正的朋友，一辈子都是。不用担心，放下得失，人就比较轻松。爱你的人不会因为你做错一件事就改变对你的爱，不喜欢你的人不会因为你做对一件事就从此喜欢你。大多数的人是路人，大家善意点头就好了。决定去向的人和事很少，少得可怜。却不好把握。一切的关键是行为和言语背后的动机。本着善意，做一个真的人要有胆量，但最后也最幸福。”生命在悲欣交集，好坏参半中透出消息和诱惑，她坚持说她只要一份真自在和可享受的欢愉。

 

    归零  清净无染

    “我希望自己能够像寺院里面的朝暮课诵一样地，匡正扮演各种角色的我，更多地活在当下的正念中，哪怕每天能够多一分钟回到清净无染的原貌。”

 

    清代画僧石涛说“至人无法”，由无法生有法，一法贯众法，而这个无却是最难做到，17岁时，林曦突然对画画失去兴趣，“当时不确定什么时候再画，或者一辈子都不画了。于每天写6、7个小时的书法，也觉得很开心。”这之后，她做了好多别的事，基本上完全脱离了绘画，虽然成就得一样风生水起，但总是觉得提不起劲，“有时做哪样都不会太差也是种障碍，往往就会错过自己真正要的，这也是很多认为自己有能力的人要面对的问题。”

    一个偶然机会，正在读中央美院的朋友建议她去考研究生，查资料时发现距离报名时间只剩最后三天，而考试只剩下两个月。“就是火车搬道岔的感觉，一个动作，直接就去了别的方向了，毫厘千里的差距就完成了，我最幸运的是每次都不会走错太多。”

    考上后，“三年心无旁骛地学习，决绝地完全清空过去，人不担心失去什么，可能就会获得更多，不断拿起来再放下的感觉很好。”2008年的毕业论文，林曦以“中国画创作中的‘漫画’趣味”为主题，讨论丰子恺和叶浅予的艺术世界，提出自己对笔墨的看法：“笔墨是一个整体的共同构成，如太极阴阳之互抱。笔和墨是从两个方面的阐述。墨是阳性的，抒发而饱和的。线是阴性的，谨慎而矜持的。笔对应的是韵，墨对应于气，加起来是一个‘笔韵墨气’的整体。”画画18年，因为对笔墨有了入髓的理解，她的画作还在朝她想要的地方去。

    很多人喜欢她小时候的作品，一次某阿姨看着她的新作说，“你一定要看看有个重庆小姑娘的画，你的风格跟她很像”林曦低声答，你面前就是那个长大了的版本。

    常常会听到人表扬她说，现在的画又接近小时候画作的感觉，而林曦对此并无想法，“我不知道这是表扬还是什么别的，对我来说就只是一种说法，好坏都其实和我没有什么关系，我只管做自己，跟随自己的节奏，管不了那么多，管得了还好，关键是这些根本都是自己预谋控制不了的。”具足、无染，是不增不减，对她来说，往前和回归，上坡和下坡都不是重点，重点是天地宽阔，持续前行。

    去年她到海南一住就是一个月，每天看书写字，散步打坐。给脑子彻底腾空的空间，让自己有时间沉潜，“以前人们为什么面壁闭关，就是需要给脑子一个彻底腾空的空间，停顿的时间足够长，鲜活的东西会自动弹出来”。说到这里，林曦脸上满是欢喜的无奈，“平时城市里的生活让心太散乱了，当然这散乱也是丰富，是不是？” 

    说到散乱又丰富的生活，话题转到她的工作室，由自己设计的工作室“比我知名度高多了，有人告诉我用百度一搜索我的名字，画没看见，全是我的房子。”“只要是设计的事，连我最重要的吃饭大事都能放下”，相熟的朋友称她“速度王”，你坐在她面前会惊奇这个小女生如何在各种频道间利落切换。从木地板如何省钱又好看到佛陀的灵山微笑到底是什么深意。她看上去不仅能快速搞定眼前的事，而且品质一样惊人，看她料理应对事务，就知道学校里优等生为何总是自负。她感慨自己没耐心，却跟你说小时候悬腕练字一站就是一天，晚上睡觉要贴伤湿止痛膏才睡得着，练琴手指由水泡到出血到结茧的漫长过程。

    林曦评价自己是典型的非典型魔羯座，思考漫长，行动迅疾。

    然后，她又严肃地说了以下的话：

    “让自己反复归零，其实是为了更多的积累。”

    “一定程度的自我封闭是好的，可以减少同外界的比较，比较带来刺激也带来混乱”

    “所谓回到原点，是一个自己给自己价值的认同，不需要靠外界和他人的判断来支撑自己。回到原点最后的结果是能放下，把虚浮在表面的，不必要的都去掉。”

 

    2009年林曦将在澳门举办个人画展，对她来说，这个展览有特别的意义，十年前，同样的地方，悬挂了她15岁以前作品。那之后，她就只身到北京念书，和神童时代告别。如今，直接迂回的方式她都尝试了，又回归原点，用最天真的态度画画。

 

Lin Xi: Ink and Color for Chinese Painting and Inspiration of Zither Music in an Innocent Clear Context

 

The first impression of an artist would be of much rebellion or silence, and their true colors are hard to conceal. But Lin Xi pioneers a new lifestyle in a most primitive way, not for fear of searching for ease and ego in a pure and untainted way.

 

Child, lady and small animals are all main factors in her paintings. She held the first solo exhibition in Paris at 12, known as prodigy, then published novels, solo music albums and thoroughly mastered in lyre-playing, chess, calligraphy and painting. At 15 she studied the Science of Religion in Beijing University, took her productions to all over the world and even some head of state were present at the opening ceremony of her exhibition. Being called as an “angle for oriental culture” and immersed in other’s admiring eyesight, she told us “I also face with some moment of difficulties and wondering what to do”.

 

Life is full of ups and downs, with some surprise and enlightenment. Once holding her brush, she stopped to search the richness of life and managed to succeed in becoming a postgraduate student of Central Academy of Fine Arts (CAFA). Fortune favors her generously. Her graduation work won high praise and kept in CAFA now, and she was entitled as the 80s’ water-color young artist by media. Lin Xi said she was somewhat reluctant to react, but always in good fortune and met with some best teachers. It seemed that she still lived in childhood and talked like a mature adult who stays in a kid’s body. I asked her how to endow her productions and chords with such inclusiveness, which was wonderfully inclined to simplicity. She didn’t give a direct reply but repeated the word “innocence”.

 

Mindfulness: No Increase, No Decrease

Loosen it. Take it off. The aim of getting off is not to be nude, but to put on. Thus your feeling is quite uneasy, just like to turn over an inside out clothes, it is still the former, but properly taken on with the button and pocket in the right way.

 

Lin Xi said she preferred to define herself as a craftsman, with the life consisting of reading, playing ancient zither, tea drinking, painting, eating and chatting. As an artist, her life has a consistent connection and vital extension. On March of this year, the Sanlian Lifeweek planned a special topic on “The Principle of Green Tea”, in which she was interviewed as a tea lover for decades, but insist on distinguishing good tea not by eyes and ears but its taste after trying it. She had no intention to change your mind and put her painting “Once in a Lifetime” on the wall, which implied the true nature of tea drinking. “Concentrate on every sip of tea, that moment may be just a tenth of a second, but you should take every moment as the last one to indulge in, this is not only the tea’s nature, but for Zen.”

 

An ancient zither is like an unearthly elegant bosom friend sitting in your studio. Lin Xi told us that “he is the master, and we are guests”. In 2001, she went to Mount Zhongnanshan for a ten-day Fresh off of Bigu (Life without Grains) Yoga course, took nothing but this zither beside my pillow. The tinkling sounds given off from it turned to be a best companion. At 13, Lin Xi started to learn it from Li Xiangting, one of the master players of the zither. With no desire for material gains, Lin Xi told us, “As you gradually master in the zither, playing it is just like talking with it, zither teaches me so much and turns to be my close friend. Whenever you close to your zither and listen to the overtone from it, you could hear the lingering sound from grass-and-wood, which leaks out the mystery of heaven and earth. ”

 

In her newly-designed album, she tried to merge the understanding of ancient flavor with nowadays prence. “A melody has been played for 12 years. Every time you play it, your progress could be made consciously. It is just like handwriting practice. The simpler a character is, the harder you write every stroke well. Indeed, playing the simplest melody is the hardest thing, for you must endow every tone with multi-layered allusion. ”

 

As a professional painter, she frankly told us, “Painter is lived in solitude since ancient time. If you can’t accept this fact and focus on the bustling world around, more loneliness you feel”. This mindfulness promotes your adherence to your true nature. Lin Xi puts her emphasis on the inner feeling and growth. “Painting is a process exhausting your sense beyond description. The ultimate production always exhausts your thought. If you can’t draw to your heart's content, you feel pity; but when you are content with it, you have to leave it behind. What a funny process!”

 

Lin Xi said initially she loved spontaneous production and was “poisoned” by Shi Shuo Xin Yu since she was young.

 

Practice: At Ease & with Refinement and Comfort

If you never make out the core of annoyance, you will be always immersed in the light and radiation glowing from this core. But all the light and radiation is boundless. Once finding the core, you could take hold of those acknowledged and acceptable things, whether good or not. That moment will pass away eventually. Knowing this, you could get rid of the root of pain.

 

Lin Xi said the world was covered by too much attachment over its core and she was immersed in the negative Karma like other people. Just like playing squash. When playing it by yourself, the faster you hit the ball, the faster it rebounds, and finally what you can do is to catch or dodge the flying ball. Haste makes waste. Leaving no time and chance to think and transfer, you could suffer the result constantly. Therefore you must work hard to realize the core or nature of the thing. “With a slight glance you could find something for digestion and create the new space. This new space can help you win back. Even trapped in ordeal, you could get over soon.”

 

“The key point of your life practice is not how to continuously strengthen your strong points, but to find out your true nature, or the boat which water could bear and also be swallowed up.”

 

She excitedly apprenticed to study traditional Chinese medicine, which was the reflection of the Chinese intelligence and got the implication of people’s willingness. “In the past every time before infusion I got through a fierce inner struggle for three days. I was scared by the vaccination before going abroad. But now I can be bold enough to place three-inch–long acupuncture needle on my body. ” With a glance over the tea table, needles in a glass bottle glitter on it. “Thus cheer up and find the power of your mind. ”

 

Chinese medicine teacher told her that a proficient doctor was skilled in simplifying the illness, which was adopted by Lin in her painting. Less thinking; reflect the simplest image and never keep yourself in an anxious situation. “In painter’s mind, a blank space is the setting of heaven and earth, especially that blank space in traditional Chinese painting is essential to the consummate composition, featured by the space and room, far more than a plane. You must adjust yourself to the stroke of your ink and brush. The whole process is impromptu, just like you play a melody with your emotion changing.”

 

Practice theory extracted from Buddhism and traditional Chinese medicine doesn’t fetter you or was taken as the dramatic evidence. They lead you to be yourself innocently and frankly. Lin Xi said she would like to be an “evil” person who always hit the point, for they could understand you and indeed your real friend for the whole life. No worrying and taking down, you feel much easier. “Those who love you will not decrease their love for your misdeed; those who hate you also will not change their mind for your good deed. Most people are just acquaintance with a kind nod. The decisive people and thing are too less and hard to seize. The motivation lying behind the action and words are crucial. With benevolence and plenty of courage, you can be the happiest.” Life is mixed with grief and joy, good and bad things, in which information and temptations are included. But she insists on enjoying a careless life and a real joy.

 

Return Zero: Pure and Stainless

I faithfully hope to switch various roles in daily life, return to the correct mindfulness, and eager for the pure nature even for a minute in solitude, just like those monks who are chanting the scriptures from morning to night.

 

Shi Tao, a monk painter in Qing Dynasty, stated “The supreme law is no-law”, no-law is law itself and this best law is always there, which can be only achieved while using none of them. In my 17, I was suddenly bored of painting. “I was not sure when I could pick my paintbrush up again and then practiced calligraphy for six or seven hours every day instead. I was fascinated by writing.” Since then I focused on various things and gained marvelous achievements, only that I can’t refresh my vigor. “Sometimes acting as an all rounder restrains you and makes you miss the most desirable thing. Many versatile people have to face this problem. ”

 

On occasion a friend studied in CAFA suggested her to take the graduate exam. The exam registration would be over in three days and the exam is two months later. “It feels like switching a rail, the simple action can change the trace of the train and make great difference. But luckily I seldom go astray too much. ”

 

Studying in CAFA for three years, she devoted herself in painting and separate with the past. Not worrying about missing, you could gain more. Take up and put down constantly made her feel marvelous. Her graduation thesis is “Interesting Cartoon Features in Traditional Chinese Paintings”, about the artistic world of Feng Zikai and Ye Qianyu, with her own view of ink and brush. “Brush and ink is a united integrity, just like Yin and Yang in Taiji. Ink is Yang, expressive with rich saturation; but brush stroke is Yin, prudent and reserved. Brush refers to Qi(vitality), and ink to Yun(Spirit). ‘Brush and ink’ means a integrity of vitality and spirit in Chinese painting. ” Having painted for 18 years, she has formed an impressive understanding of ink and brush which helps her speak her mind in her productions.

The productions in her childhood are quite welcomed. Once a lady watched her new production and told her “You ought to view the productions by a little girl from Chongqing, whose style rather resembles yours.” Lin Xi whispered that I was the grown-up version of that girl.

People praise her for her recent productions with the same feeling as her childhood ones. But Lin Xi ignores this. “I don’t know whether it’s a hint of praise, but just an opinion for me no matter good or not. I just tend to be myself with my tempo. Never mind too much, for most things are out of your control in most cases.” Contentment and stainless means no gain and no lose. For her it is of no difference between going forward and returning zero, ups and down. The point is that you must make progress with the broad prospect.

 

Last year she stayed in Hainan for a whole month, reading, writing, walking and sitting in meditation everyday. She dumped the mind for vast space to settle herself. “Ancient people were font of facing a wall thinking in order to dump their mind completely. Pausing for some time, then novel things pop out by themselves.” Lin Xi said this with a pleasant and reluctant look. “Usually urban life is disturbing and disordered. But disorder means rich as well, isn’t it?”

 

For her disordered and rich life, the topic is fixed on her studio, which is designed by herself. “My studio won great reputation than my name. Someone told me to search my name in Baidu, and lots of news on my studio could be found instead of my art works.” “Even a trifle on designing, I neglect eating and deal with it”, intimate friends call her “King of Speed”. You will be shocked by her quick role switching in various matters. Perhaps she wonders how to lay the wooden floor nice with less money, but next moment she is figuring out the deep implication of LingShan Buddha’s smile. It seems that she handles matters with high efficiency and perfect effect in the meanwhile, just like those conceited top students in the school. She complained about her impatience, however in the next minute she told you that she practices calligraphy for a whole day with her wrist hanging in the air and the pain stopped her from sleeping without the adhesive plaster on it, and when playing the zither, she endured a harsh process from blister, bleeding to cocooning.

 

Lin Xi appraises herself as an untypical Capricorn, with cautious thought and rapid action.

Then she seriously concludes: “Introspect myself for gathering more experience. Constraint yourself to some extent is quite well, separating you with competition, which brings stimulus and chaos together. The so-called returning zero means to share common values, never propping up your value by other’s judgment. The ultimate result of that is to lay aside and get rid of those unnecessary and meaningless parts.”

 

In 2009 Lin Xi is to hold a solo exhibition in Macao, which is of special meaning to her. Ten years ago, her production which was drawn under 15 years old was hanging in the same place. Later she studied in Beijing and said goodbye to her prodigy period. At present she returns zero through out a direct and roundabout process and is painting in the most innocent attitude.