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FML搬运!!

(2011-03-08 22:30:46)
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杂谈

Today, while having sex, I thought I was having an orgasm for the first time. Turns out I was just hyperventilating. FML
今天补魔的时候我以为自己终于迎来第一次高潮了。其实我只是呼吸太快喘不上来气儿而已。
(。。。。。。)

Today, my babysitter called to inform me that my grandfather is stalking her. FML
今天我家保姆打电话来通知我说我祖父正在尾行她。FML
(“不可能的,我也在尾行你呢怎么没看到他?”)

Today, while working at a restaurant I work at, I saw my boyfriend walk in and sit down at a table that I was supposed to wait on. Surprised, I ran up to his table and gave him a really big hug. He looked at me like I was psycho and then introduced me to his beautiful wife who was behind me. FML
今天我在饭店上班,看到男朋友走进来坐在我负责服务的位子上。我有点惊讶,然后就跑过去使劲抱住他。他像看精神病一样看着我,然后向我介绍他那站在我身后的漂亮老婆。FML
(今天我会好好服侍两位的)

Today, my mom stole my pills as means to blackmail me. I have bronchitis. My throat is so swollen I can barely breathe, let alone ask for them back. FML
今天我妈偷走了我的药,并以此要挟我。我患有支气管炎,嗓子肿的都快没法呼吸了,更别提开口向她要回来了。FML
(你花生酱过敏么。。。)

Today, I found out that if you cry yourself sleep and forget to take off your mascara, your top and bottom lashes will stick together. Leaving you unable to open your eyes. FML
今天我明白了,如果你忘了卸掉睫毛膏就哭着入睡,上下眼睫毛会粘在一起,让你睁眼不能。FML
(“兰斯洛特,这次我。。。可能要睡的久一点了。。。”)

Today, I withdrew 40 at the ATM to pay for dinner later tonight. It wasn't until I went to pay for it that I realized I'd taken the receipt, but left the cash in the ATM. FML
今天我在ATM机上取了40刀准备当晚上的饭钱。结果掏钱的时候我才发现自己拿的是取钱的凭条,把钞票扔在ATM机里了。FML
(还好只取了40)

Today, I found out that I have two ear infections. My doctor advised me to cancel my flight to Cancun for Spring Break in ten days, since flying with an ear infection can really damage your ears. So long deposit, hello antibiotics. FML
今天我得知自己的耳朵有两处发炎。医生建议我取消十天后飞往墨西哥的春假计划,因为耳朵发炎还坐飞机会对耳朵造成很大的伤害。拜拜了我的存款,你好抗生素。FML
(。。。。。。)

Today, my five year old son decided to move all my stuffed animals I have around the house, into sex positions and massive orgies. What have I been teaching my son lately? FML
今天我那五岁大的儿子把我放在房间各处的毛绒玩具都摆成了群P的姿势。我都教了儿子些什么啊喂!FML
(你都教了正太些什么东西啊喂!)

Today, I threw up when I woke up, feeling quite ill, I told my mum. She instantly thought I was pregnant. I'm still a virgin and she doesn't believe me. FML
今天我起床后吐了,觉得很不舒服就告诉了老妈。而她立刻认为我这是怀孕了。妈你信我啊,我真的还是个魔法师啊!FML
(而且还是男的?)

Today, I flipped out when I saw a centipede. I screamed, very loudly and in a very high voice. My girlfriend came into the room, stomped on it, picked it up and threw it in the trashcan. I apologized to her for the scene and all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML
今天我看到一条蜈蚣,吓的大声叫喊,还一跤摔在地上。我女朋友走进房间,一脚把蜈蚣踩死,然后拎起来扔进了垃圾桶。我对她说刚才吓成那样真不好意思,她说没事姐早就习惯了。FML
(故意吓唬小受很有趣么啊喂!)

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