Combating Chinglish  规避中式英语

以下是Gerard编写的材料， 以供本部门新进翻译/编辑的培训之需。

原创作品，欢迎转载，恳请注明出处， 谢谢。

 

 

重复/浮夸用词 hyperboles

A: We should enthusiastically explore both the international and domestic markets, opening up new international markets and further exploring the rural market.

B: We should try to open up new international and domestic markets , especially exploring ( or , better : expanding) the rural market.

 

A: Foreign experience has shown that some countries have experi­enced development periods or undergone a number of high-growth stages, as demonstrated in Japan, South Korea and parts of Southeast Asia.

B: The experience of other countries shows that some of them — Japan, South Korea and parts of Southeast Asia, for ex­ample — have gone through one or more periods of rapid development

 

A: Therefore, we should approach, study and solve the problem of development from the high plane of all mankind. Only in this way can we understand that the problem of devel­opment is the responsibility of the developing and the de­veloped countries as well.

B: We should therefore consider and solve the problem of devel­opment from the perspective of a broad concern for all mankind. Only then can we understand that this problem is the responsibility of both the developing and the devel­oped countries.

 

A: Various departments should quickly establish and strengthen necessary research organs to carry out work in coordina­tion with the Chinese Academy of Sciences in a joint effort for expanding the scientific force.

B: Various departments should quickly establish research organs to work jointly with the Chinese Academy of Sciences to expand the scientific force.

 

A: We shall step up medical research, focusing on the causes for incidence of common illnesses and their prevention and treatment, and concentrating on tackling the key research projects.

B: We shall step up medical research, concentrating on key pro­jects for the study of the cause, prevention, and treat­ment of common illnesses.

 

A: With regard to the existing practices of vying for gaining in­vestments and for undertaking construction projects in an unchecked way, we must stop them by strictly imple­menting the state's industrial policies, improving the sci­entific feasibility appraisal and management of projects and tightening control over the amount of bank credit.

 B: We must put a stop to the blind competition for investments and construction projects by strictly implementing the state's industrial policies, improving the (scientific) feasi­bility studies and the management of projects, and tight­ening control over bank credit.

 

补充讲解  主语确定

主语对比汉语的主语不像英语的主语那么容易确定。因为汉语主题显著的语言，它突出的是主题而不是主语。再者，汉语句法的特征是意合，这一特征使得句子中的指代关系在形式上不明显。在汉语中有些主语必须省略，否则文字不流畅；有些主语难以看清，需要译者用心识别。而英语是主语显著的语言，它所突出的是主语，除了省略句外，每个英语句子都必须有主语。再者由于英语句法特征是形合，这要求句子成分之间关系明晰，以免结构混乱。

主语确定 汉译英时必须认真研究，必要时换个角度考虑，。

非人称主语 中国人在表达思想感情时，主体意识很强，开口举笔，习惯以人称代词做主语，而英语句子用的却是物或抽象概念做主语，即非人称主语impersonal subject，这种句式结构紧凑，使整个英语句子语言简洁，含义丰富，给人耳目一新之感。

汉译英时，巧妙运用利用英语喜用非人称主语(impersonal subject)的特点，这可以使得译文更简洁流畅，形象生动，散发浓郁的英语特色。

他有钱，什么都可以做。(enable)

He is wealthy, so he can do anything

改译：

人们使用了电脑，劳动生产率突飞猛进。(bring)

People are using computer, so the labor productivity is rising quickly.

改译：

 

过去30年，中国经历了巨变。（witness）

China has undergone stupendous changes in the last 30 years.

改译：

用不解决做主语，可以原文的上班句做主语，下半句做谓语，句子显得更加简洁，流畅。

 

20世纪，生物科技的发展可以划分为四个阶段

The development of life science of the 20^th century could divide into four stages.

The evolution of life science in the 20^th century could divide into four stages.

不同阶段的发展过程， 那么就是“进化”

 

如果这个问题不解决，势必影响我们合作

If the problem is not solved, it is sure to affect the cooperation between us.

Failure to settle this issue is bound to impair our cooperation.

 

中国的房地产市场结构与欧美市场略有不同

The structure of China’s property market is slightly different from U.S. and European markets.

这句话中的比较内容不是一样的性质

China’s property market is structured slightly different than the U.S. and European markets.

 

补充：主动与被动    

译家之言

余光中：被动与否，古人显然并不烦心。到了翻译体中，一经英文文法点明，被动语气遂蠢蠢不安起来。‘被’字成为一只跳蚤，咬得所有动词痒痒难受。”‘他被警告，莎莉有梅毒’；‘威廉有一颗被折磨的良心’；‘他是被她深深地喜爱着’； 鲍士威尔主要被记忆为千个传记家’：‘当那只狗被饿得死去活来的时候，我也被一种悲哀所袭击’；‘最后，酒被喝光了，菜也被吃完了’：这样子的恶译、怪译，不但流行于翻译体中，甚至有侵害创作之势。　

 

This country’s demand for Chinese goods is increasing.

国家对中国货的需求，这个表达有误. 原文实际是一个拟人句

There is a growing demand for Chinese goods in this country.

Chinese goods enjoy a growing demand in this country.

 

关起门来搞科研是不成的，公司的技术发展离不开世界

Closing the door to develop scientific research won’t do, the development of our company can’t leave the world.

这两句话实际上意思是一样的

The company can’t develop its technology in isolation from the rest of the world.

 

张江高科技园区环境优雅，交通便利

Environment around the Hi-tech Development Zone is elegant and the traffic is convenient.

The Zone is surrounded by favorable environment and traffic network.

 

本公司提供的数码相机品种非常多

The digital cameras this company provides have so many varieties.

产品线的概念This company offers an extensive line of digital cameras.

 

Misplaced phrases. 关于顺序

A: After years of effort, Gao said that soil erosion has been brought under control in 16,700 square kilometers of the affected land areas, or 58% of the total.

B: Gao said that after years of effort, soil erosion has been brought under control in 16,700 square kilometers of the affected land area, or 58% of the total.

A: It is estimated that our sales will reach 5,500,000 at its peak next year.

B: It is estimated that at its peak next year our sales will reach 5,500,000.

 

A: China's leaders have made their intentions clear. "China will not devalue the yuan for the sake of its own economic de­velopment and economic stability in Asia," premier Wen Jiabao said last month.

B: China's leaders have made their intentions clear. "Both for the sake of its own economic development and for the sake of economic stability in Asia," premier Wen Jiabao said last month, "China will not devalue the yuan."

A: Based on data gathered at the epicenter [of an earthquake in Sichuan], construction experts should finish designs for the buildings by the end of next month.

B: Construction experts expect that the building designs, which are based on data gathered at the epicenter, will be finished by the end of next month.

 

A: "By employing state-of-the-art building techniques, it is expected that newly built houses in the quake-devastated ar­eas will be able to withstand earthquakes of eight degrees of seismic intensity," Tian [a spokesman for the Ministry of Construction] said.

B: "By employing state-of-the-art building techniques," Tian said,” we expect to make the new houses in the quake-devastated areas able to withstand eight degrees of seismic intensity. "

 

浙江大学出版社创立于1984年，是集理工医农和人文社科多学科出版为一体的部署综合性出版单位

Zhejiang University Press, which is under the direct charge of the Ministry of Education, is a comprehensive academic publishing house affiliated to Zhejiang University founded in 1984.

Founded置于句末，不忠实与原文，同事也产生歧义

Established in 1984, Zhejiang University Press, a comprehensive academic publishing house, is affiliated to Zhejiang University under the administration of Minister of Education.

 

旧时代从硕学鸿儒到武术教师，教徒弟的第一课便是如何做人， 如何讲德。

In the ancient times, the first lesson a disciple was taught by any teacher was to cultivate the virtue a learned scholar or a master of martial arts.

原文比较混乱，“上课徒弟”是主语，但后半句的scholar 和 master 无法和主语挂钩，译文彻底背叛原文。Ancient 最好不要修饰times, 否则就是“古代的时代”

In ancient China, a learned scholar would begin his first lecture at explaining how to cultivate the personality and virtue. So also is the case with a master of martial arts.

 

补充：关于定语从句

    定语从句在英语中运用极为频繁，同时也是构成英语“树枝”的各类从句中最难，最常用而又最为重要的—种Attributives are to a sentence what feathers are to a peacock．As fine feathers make a fine bird, so graceful attributives make a graceful sentence．定语，以及定语从句

在中口翻译的重要性也是显而易见的。

 

汉语修饰语一般置于所修饰的词之前介词短语等通常放在所修饰的词之后, 而英语中的定语从句、分词定语、不定式定语、介词短语等通常放在所修饰的词之后。

 

译家之言

吕叔湘：汉语的定语只能放在前边，就不便很长。定语长了，听的人(或读的人)老在惦记着那个被修饰的名词，不知道你说的是什么人或什么东西，就要着急，也容易疲劳，搞得不好还会迷路。英语的定语从句放在后头，说的是什么人或什么东西已经在前边交代了，听的人就不着急了，因此英语的定语从句可以拉得很长。 

 

XXX先生是享誉国内外的XX学专家。

Mr.XX is a well-known expert of XXX at home and abroad.

究竟是expert 享誉国内外， 还是 XXX学问享誉国内外？ 另辟蹊径

Mr. XXX is an internationally renowned/recognized expert in the study of XXXX.

中国将逐步成为世界矿产资源大国和矿业大国

China has gradually become a major country in mineral resources and the mining industry.

中国一直是一个major country，不需要逐步成为

China has gradually become a big supplier and processor of mineral resources.