一个老情妇对年轻妻子的忠告（4/5）

By Michael Drury

    Mistresses are not glamorous creatures who never sweep a floor or mend; they are surprisingly domestic. I have never known one who was not a superb cook or did not take pleasure in entertaining. Yet all such daily chores are muted, not merely in deference to others but in justice to herself.

    情妇们并不是从不做扫地修补活的“花瓶”；她们善理家务。我认识的每个情妇都精于厨艺，也乐于招待。然而，她对所做的日常家务都不予声张，不仅出于对他人的尊重，也是对自己作出应有的评价。

    There is a world out there, a portion of which each man and woman is born to inherit. Study something, learn something, risk more than you think you can—if in truth you wish to be loved.

    这个世界就在我们眼前，每个男人和女人都要从它那里继承些什么。如果你真的想惹人喜爱——研究点东西，学习点东西，去冒险做些你自己都意想不到的事情。

    On Sex. Even as a young child, I occasionally intercepted a look between my father and mother that was unmistakable. It was plain that here was a secret man-woman magic that would one day be mine. My mother would not have dreamed of detailing the sex act to us. But neither did she gloss over its existence, its practicalities, power and loveliness.

    性生活应体现想象与活力。即使在我很小的时候，我就偶尔撞见父母在一起的场景，我绝对没有弄错。很显然，某一天我也会经历这种神奇的男女之事。母亲从来不会想要将做爱的细节详细说给我们听，但她也从不否认性的存在、实用、力量和魅力。

    I am opposed to the modern form of sex education. We are not minds or bodies or sex urges or case histories any more than we are mechanisms for breathing or digesting.

    我对现今的性教育是持反对意见的。我们不是机械的头脑、身体、性需求或者病例，正如我们不是机械的呼吸或者消化装置一样。

What shocks me is the dehumanization of sex by young wives who reduce that powerful force to a technique no different from driving a car or mastering the methods of good grooming. Have women no instincts anymore, no mystery or mettle? Must everything be subjected to instruction and manuals, as if love were a kind of cooking school?

    让我震惊的是年轻的妻子们在性问题上渐失人性化的处理，她们把这种强大的力量降级为一种无异于开车或喂饲的技巧。女人们都失去本能，没有一点神秘感或渴求了吗？难道什么事都必须照着指示或者手册上说的去做，好像爱情就是某种厨师学校一样？

    I know the current cult: if physical rapture is lacking, the mechanism needs tuning up, and the wise couple seeks professional help. The very concept is self-defeating. The more conscious they become of what “ought” to be, the further removed they are from the spontaneity, skill, surprise and delight they desire.

    我知道如今的惯用伎俩：如果生理上缺乏激情，我们就要想办法调整，聪明的夫妻们会去寻求专家的帮助。正是这种观念让事情弄巧成拙了。他们越是有意识地去做那些“应该”做的事，那他们就越是远离了自发性，技巧，惊喜和所期待的喜悦。

    What sex desperately needs is not education but imagination. A mistress cares nothing for theories and norms. She is immediately and intensely caught up in one man, and in her own experience with him.

    性生活所迫切需要的不是教育指导而是想像力。一个情人从不关心什么理论和标准。她会马上被某个男人强烈地吸引，然后用自己的方法与之缠绵。

    On Appearances. All newcomers to marriage are inescapably amateur, a little clumsy, too earnest, certainly they have arrived at a triumphant culmination instead of a precarious takeoff.

    不要注重表象的和谐。所有新人们都免不了是一个新手，有一点笨拙又太过热情，显然她们已经达到了胜利的顶峰——走进了婚姻的殿堂，而不是战战兢兢地开始相处。

    Amateurs are determined to make things go by rules. The amateur cook measures every drop and granule, frets if the pan is half an inch longer than the recipe specifies. The professional improvises, and disregards the book.

    新手们都喜欢依章办事。她们烧饭时过于注重点点滴滴，斤斤计较于锅的大小是否完全与食谱上写的吻合。经验老道的过来人都是临时准备，才不管书上怎么写的。

    A married woman can get along nicely by fulfilling the outward forms of a relationship, running a home well, savoring a social life. There is nothing wrong with that. But the wife who would not remain an amateur values these forms correctly, not mistaking them for love.