一个老情妇对年轻妻子的忠告（3/5）

By Michael Drury

    If you would stay loved, stay unpredictable a little. Maintain a reserve of mind and heart. That is neither self-indulgence nor a conjurer’s trick; it is a clause you must obey in order to make a happy marriage.

    如果你希望让爱情常驻，最好保持点神秘感。保留一点私人的空间。这不是任性也不是耍小把戏；而是为了让婚姻幸福你必须遵循的条款。

    Don’t Meddle. Too many wives like to help the husband’s career and are dismayed when it is not appreciated. Any man worth his salt wants to get there on his own volition. The cliche of the man discarding the wife who helped him become successful is both a truism and a rough justice. In a way, his leaving is almost as necessary as his going out from his mother’s earlier help.

    为妻者不必置喙丈夫事业。有太多的妻子们喜欢在事业上帮助自己的丈夫，又通常因为得不到对方的赞许而沮丧不已。每个称职的男人都希望通过自己的努力来获得成功。呆板迂腐的男人通过妻子的帮助而取得成功，最终却将她们抛弃的例子并不少见而且也不无道理。某种程度上，他的离开就如挣脱母亲的怀抱一样，是必需的。

    One of the best marriages I ever witnessed was based in part upon the clearheadedness of the husband who, as a bridegroom, took his wife’s hands and said, “My dear, I love you and 1 want to have a home and children with you, and a meeting of true minds. But leave my work alone!”

我见过的一场最成功的婚姻，主要是得益于丈夫清醒的头脑，作为新郎他挽着妻子的手说，“亲爱的，我爱你，我希望和你共建家庭、养儿育女，永远心心相印。但是请别干涉我的工作！”

    That man was just beginning a career as a novelist and playwright. His wife nurtured dreams of opening nights, being coaxed onstage in mink coat to share a bow. She saw herself bringing sandwiches to his study, and instead discovered her husband worked in a grubby office that was virtually off-limits. Once she told him the place was cold, and he yelled, “I like it that way!” But when his first book was published, he dedicated it to his wife.

    这个男人是位小说家和剧作家，事业刚刚起步。他妻子的梦想，是在明朗的夜晚，穿着貂皮大衣站在台上向大家鞠躬致意。她亲自把三明治端进他的书房，却发现丈夫的房间脏乱不堪，简直没法走进去。有一次她告诉丈夫说这个地方很冷，他却吼道，“我就喜欢这样！”但当他的第一本书出版时，他将此书献给了妻子。

    Living in the Moment. Wives and mistresses have different clocks. A wife can become so engrossed with the future that she ceases to live today. Everything is for tomorrow: the children’s education, the bigger house, retirement. A mistress lives perhaps too much in the present, but this immediacy is a lodestar.

    计划未来，勿忘立足目前。妻子和情人的时钟大不相同。一位妻子对未来过于关注，好像此时此刻的生活对她来说毫无意义。她做的每件事都是为了明天：孩子的教育、更大的房子，退休问题。一个情人则可能过分注重此情此景，活在当下就是她的指导原则。

    Anybody with common sense looks a little to the future, but not without enjoying the present. A young widow struggling to make ends meet said to me, “I’m glad every day for all the reckless thing we did. If we had waited till we could afford them, now it would be too late.”

任何有常识的人都会多少考虑下未来，但也懂得享受现在。一个年轻的寡妇量入为出、生活艰难，她对我说，“我很高兴我和他曾经不计后果享受了生活，如果我们等到能够担负得起时，一切都会太晚了。”

    On Housework. The man whose mistress I was once said to me, in a fit, I suppose, of home-grown annoyance, “If you ever want me to leave you, do housework.” He did not mean it didn’t have to be done; he meant not to make it the focus of our lives. Nor did he mean housework alone; he meant triviality of any kind.

    不要让“爱”淹没在家务中。一个男人——我曾是他的情人，有一次对我说，“如果你希望我离开你，就去忙家务活吧。”我想他是因为自家的一些烦心事而一时失口。他意思并不是家务活不需要做；而是不要让它成为生活的中心；他也不仅仅是说做家务；而是指所有那些生活琐事。