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(2009-04-11 04:17:33)



分类: 新西兰上学记

105、Stuff that Happened At My School Lately…



School life is full its surprises. Sometimes you feel you’re king of the world, and then you

fall into oblivion because you realized you didn’t do your math homework, or worse, you see someone talking to a girl whom should’ve been yours-to have a conversation with! For me, I try to be the observer. I’m the person on the sideline, watching what everybody else’s doing (does that make me a stalker—yes it does!)



I love technology classes—speaking of which there are two, well, really three people that are really interesting: Chris, Kerwin and Mr. Irving who happened to be my graphics and technology teacher. Kerwin is from somewhere in Africa- North or South, I cannot determine, but I do know he’s from that particular continent because of his accent. He’s got dark skin and is pretty tall with a pretty short haircut. Instead of saying ‘Can I do this, sir?’ his accent turns this ordinary sentence into humor (for me anyway). He would say ‘Can I do thish, shir?’ And it seems he would just go on and on about the same stuff to the teacher, who turns out to be very serious and obviously very dry. He loves distracting the teacher—below is an actual excerpt from the kind the crap he throws at the teacher.



“The metric unit, you know, meters and centimeters, all that stuff, is set in France,” said Mr. Irving, once again in his serious pose.



“How would they know zhat all zhi meashurements are zhi shame all over the world, shir?”

“他们怎么知道全世界的叉度zhi meashurements(尺度,the measurements)都是鸭样zhi shame(一样,the same)的呢?”


“They have a stick made of a particular anti-corrosion alloy in Paris,”



“You mean a King Shtick, shir?”

“你是说那个混王King Shtick(棍王,king stick)吗,桑生shir(sir,先生)?”


Well, if you thought that was an unintelligent conversation then Chris (a big guy with an incredible forest of curly hair on his head) is definitely the dumb one—I feel that he’s just pretending to piss Mr. Irving off real badly. He’s the guy who spells ‘Internet’ with an E at the start. He’s the guy who complains to Mr. Irving why he couldn’t listen to his Mp3—even though he was so lazy! But to be honest, when Kerwin and Chris do start working— and of course they seldom do---then they’re probably the most efficient people in the class. Unfortunately they chose not to.



And finally, Mr. Irving. The glue that holds his classes together, in particular his Level One Technology class that really is on the brink of total chaos. He’s relatively tall, he always wears a formal suit to class (possibly the only teacher who ever really care about the formality of being a teacher—you should’ve seen Ms. Stickland, possibly the prettiest teacher in the school wearing a tank top!) and he’s dead serious. Now with seriousness comes humor, dry humor (that he has in common with most Germans). For me there’s no way to replicate his dry humor. Dryness is not to be copied. The shocking reality is that his dry humor sort of bind the class together- after all when either Chris or Kerwin (or sometimes me) come up with a spectacular comeback Mr. Irving is often startled and thus the class would be back to what it used to be—a band of brothers (well, more like a band of bulls##t). He’s a great teacher, but when you have a bunch of students who just won’t listen to him (considering at one point his technology class only had six students), you can’t stop feeling sorry for him.

最后值得一提的是艾尔文先生。没有他,我们的材料课就是一盘散沙;没有他,班上就是一片混乱。他身高1米7(我长的比他高10公分)。他差不多每次上课都穿西装,有时还打领带。他可能是我们学校惟一一个特别注重着装的老师(我们学校有一个年轻金发超性感女老师很受男同学欢迎,她到学校穿的都是那种超短T恤,可以看到乳罩。我私下认为她应该去做模特。)艾尔文先生特别严肃,有时会尝试讲笑话,不过通常只有他一个人笑,因为这个我一直以为他是德国人。象他那种超冷的笑话,我模仿不出来,也没有人能模仿。他讲完冷笑话,克里斯和科尔温通常马上刺他一下(连我都刺过一次),然后班上马上恢复了平静。艾尔文先生一脸臭臭的。一眼看过去我们班上同学有点象“兄弟连”(band of brothers),但再仔细看看就知道其实是“狗屁连”(band of bulls##t)。艾尔文先生教的不错,可是这么一个好老师,手下的三分之一学生都不听他的(第一天他班上只有六个人,报名念材料学的太少了),我真的为他感到伤心。


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