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最近校园趣闻

(2009-04-11 04:17:33)
标签:

校园生活

校园

分类: 新西兰上学记

105、Stuff that Happened At My School Lately…

最近校园趣闻

 

School life is full its surprises. Sometimes you feel you’re king of the world, and then you

fall into oblivion because you realized you didn’t do your math homework, or worse, you see someone talking to a girl whom should’ve been yours-to have a conversation with! For me, I try to be the observer. I’m the person on the sideline, watching what everybody else’s doing (does that make me a stalker—yes it does!)

校园生活到处都是惊喜。你可能突然觉得你是世界上最伟大的人,身体每一处都感到富有活力,然后又一下子跌进了失败的深渊里,原因是那自信导致你忘了写数学作业,或者更糟的是,你发现有人正在跟你心仪的女生搭讪,你却没有插嘴的份。我觉得当我这种旁观者最舒服了,什么事情都可以看得到,都能感受得到,除了有时有点乏味。

 

I love technology classes—speaking of which there are two, well, really three people that are really interesting: Chris, Kerwin and Mr. Irving who happened to be my graphics and technology teacher. Kerwin is from somewhere in Africa- North or South, I cannot determine, but I do know he’s from that particular continent because of his accent. He’s got dark skin and is pretty tall with a pretty short haircut. Instead of saying ‘Can I do this, sir?’ his accent turns this ordinary sentence into humor (for me anyway). He would say ‘Can I do thish, shir?’ And it seems he would just go on and on about the same stuff to the teacher, who turns out to be very serious and obviously very dry. He loves distracting the teacher—below is an actual excerpt from the kind the crap he throws at the teacher.

材料学课还是挺有意思的。我并不是指材料学这门学问有意思,而是课堂发生的事情让我开怀。克里斯,科尔温还有艾尔文先生成了三个最有趣的人。科尔温来自非洲——北非还是南非?我就不清楚了。我只知道他是从那个大陆来的。他的口音很奇怪,s全部念成sh。“我可以这样(this)干吗?先生(sir)?”他念成:“我可以酱(thish)干吗?桑生(shir)?”此外,科尔温最大的特点是他的黑皮肤和那微卷的短发。他最大的优点就是一堂课可以不停的向老师唠叨一些很无聊的事情,例如:

 

“The metric unit, you know, meters and centimeters, all that stuff, is set in France,” said Mr. Irving, once again in his serious pose.

“我们现在所用的米制,米和厘米,是法国制定的。”艾尔文先生的面孔看起来象一张死板的建筑图纸。

 

“How would they know zhat all zhi meashurements are zhi shame all over the world, shir?”

“他们怎么知道全世界的叉度zhi meashurements(尺度,the measurements)都是鸭样zhi shame(一样,the same)的呢?”

 

“They have a stick made of a particular anti-corrosion alloy in Paris,”

“他们铸造了一根用合金做的量尺,放在巴黎。”

 

“You mean a King Shtick, shir?”

“你是说那个混王King Shtick(棍王,king stick)吗,桑生shir(sir,先生)?”

 

Well, if you thought that was an unintelligent conversation then Chris (a big guy with an incredible forest of curly hair on his head) is definitely the dumb one—I feel that he’s just pretending to piss Mr. Irving off real badly. He’s the guy who spells ‘Internet’ with an E at the start. He’s the guy who complains to Mr. Irving why he couldn’t listen to his Mp3—even though he was so lazy! But to be honest, when Kerwin and Chris do start working— and of course they seldom do---then they’re probably the most efficient people in the class. Unfortunately they chose not to.

如果你觉得科尔温讲话没有水准,那你听了克里斯讲话,你会觉得他简直就是一个大傻蛋。他跟科尔温是朋友,他们两个和其他几个人在学校人人惧怕。他是个大胖子,最大的特点就是顶了一头又浓又密的卷发,而且时常戴那种只有专业歌手才用的巨型耳机。他在班上讲的多是废话,不过我觉得他只是存心想浪费艾尔文先生的时间而已。老师问他互联网(internet)怎么拼写,他拼的第一个字母竟然是e。他还一直问艾尔文为什么上课不能听MP3。他一整堂课无所事事。不过我觉得他和科尔文如果真正工作起来,效率一定和他们讲废话一样高。不幸的是我很少看见他们真正学习。

 

And finally, Mr. Irving. The glue that holds his classes together, in particular his Level One Technology class that really is on the brink of total chaos. He’s relatively tall, he always wears a formal suit to class (possibly the only teacher who ever really care about the formality of being a teacher—you should’ve seen Ms. Stickland, possibly the prettiest teacher in the school wearing a tank top!) and he’s dead serious. Now with seriousness comes humor, dry humor (that he has in common with most Germans). For me there’s no way to replicate his dry humor. Dryness is not to be copied. The shocking reality is that his dry humor sort of bind the class together- after all when either Chris or Kerwin (or sometimes me) come up with a spectacular comeback Mr. Irving is often startled and thus the class would be back to what it used to be—a band of brothers (well, more like a band of bulls##t). He’s a great teacher, but when you have a bunch of students who just won’t listen to him (considering at one point his technology class only had six students), you can’t stop feeling sorry for him.

最后值得一提的是艾尔文先生。没有他,我们的材料课就是一盘散沙;没有他,班上就是一片混乱。他身高1米7(我长的比他高10公分)。他差不多每次上课都穿西装,有时还打领带。他可能是我们学校惟一一个特别注重着装的老师(我们学校有一个年轻金发超性感女老师很受男同学欢迎,她到学校穿的都是那种超短T恤,可以看到乳罩。我私下认为她应该去做模特。)艾尔文先生特别严肃,有时会尝试讲笑话,不过通常只有他一个人笑,因为这个我一直以为他是德国人。象他那种超冷的笑话,我模仿不出来,也没有人能模仿。他讲完冷笑话,克里斯和科尔温通常马上刺他一下(连我都刺过一次),然后班上马上恢复了平静。艾尔文先生一脸臭臭的。一眼看过去我们班上同学有点象“兄弟连”(band of brothers),但再仔细看看就知道其实是“狗屁连”(band of bulls##t)。艾尔文先生教的不错,可是这么一个好老师,手下的三分之一学生都不听他的(第一天他班上只有六个人,报名念材料学的太少了),我真的为他感到伤心。

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